How do you know your boyfriend is being controling?

Question

Well my boyfriend and I have together for 4yrs now and we use to have a great time then last yr we had a baby girl. Now i can't talk to a guy with out him saying im cheating. When we got into a fight he says you'll never find anyone better then me. putting me down. Then lately we were talking about moving to another state but i told him i want to wait because im have been going to school for my ged and been there for 6 or 7 months. He got all butt hurt and said you always make things diffacult for him, but lately he also been talking about how he wants to get back into drugs,"I will not allow it." Today we got into a agurement about me wanting to stay here and finish school, then he told me that if i dont move with him i'll never be able to make it on my own and always putting me down. It hurts me and when we get in big fight i don't know how to kick him out my self-steam is so low, i don't even know me anymore. He acts as if i have to put him first no matter what beside our baby.

Answer 1

He seems like he is emotionally abusive. Putting you down is not a way to show love... YOU seem like the sensible one that is wanting a good life for you, and your family. He, however... is one of those guys that will be a dead beat dad. Into drugs, not caring about his family, or what happens to them.
My advice to you is to get out of it now. Take the baby, and get out of this terrible situation! I know it's much easier said than done, but trust me, your daughter does NOT need to go through this as a child, a teenager, and such. There are BETTER men out there.. ones that are willing to show their love to you and be a great father to your baby girl.

If you stay in this, your daughter will have to go through what I go through.... and I ended up hospitalized for depression because all of the hurt in our home. My dad ALWAYS puts my mom down. He sounds just like your man.. and your little girl does not need to see that.. And also, you do not want her to think that women being treated like that is okay. Because if she sees this, she will most likely be involved in an abusive relationship.

Best of luck, sweetheart. Get out of this... get out of this as soon as you can.. this will be a hard time in your life, but you can do it. It will smooth out the rough roads ahead if you do.


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Answer 2

You know that your boyfriend is controlling, reread what you just wrote and think about it for a minute. You are smart even though you've made some bad choices - you can identify your actions are from low self-esteem, not too bad there.

So now you know, what will you do? Are you close to a book store? Take the baby and head to the relationships section; there you will find myriad selections giving information on unhealthy relationships and low self esteem. Learn, empower, understand.

The rest comes naturally. Good luck!!

Answer 3

First, he might not be physically abusive but he is verbally. I guess your bf has gotten too comfortable in the relationship and assumes he knows what's right which isn't true.

I know If I were in your situation I would sit myself down and think about everything - then pack my stuff and leave. Don't stay with the man simply because you have a kid, yea it's nice for a child to have both parents but not at the expense of your sanity. If he truely loves you he would wait out moving for a few months, is he in a giant rush to move for a work related reason or no?

No man, no person has any reason to put you down. Think about this, if he says you're all these things then what kind of example will this give your kid. You're child is going to hear what he says and she's either going to believe them and rebel because 'daddy' doesn't respect 'mommy' or be at your side and learn to accept a similar situation in the future. Children learn fro their parents and I know you don't want your daughter to live in a simmilar situation so why put yourself through this.

You said yourself your bf is returning to drugs or is he simply threatening... what kind of man would do that or say that? Besides, if he did do drugs then what if, god forbid, your kid gets into his stash and overdoses and dies or if he, god frbid, is high and something happened to her? If he said this to scare you and to give you grief then he doesn't truely deserve you.

Your last lines, low self-esteem, and all that rot, understandable but listen, it's not as if you're going to go out and attract men with your while, you need to think about your daughter and if that means foregoing a shower or a hair cut then so be it. You're not a lone in this, there are other mothers out there in your boat - including me. Raise your head, confront him and stick to your guns, file a restriaing order, do what you have to do with this situation and I guarentee you it will be very hard, nothing is ever easy and I hope god is with you, but remember you're a goddess, you gave birth to a beautifull baby girl, if you can push a watermellon through a grapefruit hole then girl you can fly and shoot laser beams out your eyes, lol.

Get a storage box and pack his stuff or you can take your stuff put it in storage and move somewhere - like stay with a friend or relative 'till you can get an apartment, whether it be 1 bdrom or 2.

do what you got to do.

Answer 4

Well, going to San Diego is a one in a life chance for some people. I've had the same problem with my boyfriend when I want to leave to an event for 10 days over the summer. He might just want you to go to his soccer game because he needs to support. You should talk to him about this opprotunity.

Answer 5

HOW TO KNOW WHEN YOUR BOYFRIEND/HUSBAND/LIVE IN LOVER IS CONTROLLING YOU:

1) He doesn't like you talking to other people, be they male or female.

2) He says things like, "You'll never find anyone better than me," or "You always make things difficult for me," or "You're ugly/sloppy/bad in bed/you'll never make it on your own/you're stupid, why are you even going to that school?"

3) He always wants to be first in your life, ahead of God, parents, siblings, children, etc.

4) You always feel bad like you've done something wrong, and you're always walking on eggshells around him.

5) You want to leave because you feel like crap, but you stay because you love him.

6) You try to stand up for yourself, but you keep getting knocked back down. Your self-esteem is crushed under his boot heels.

Get the picture yet? Is this the way you want to live, is this the behaviour you want to model for your daughter? Put your daughter in your place, do you like what you see?

Think about what you want for yourself and your daughter before you make any major decisions. Once you've done that, get into a shelter or with family/friends and get some counseling. Once you feel better about yourself, get rid of him. Good luck.

Answer 6

Sounds like he's the one with the low self esteem, and trying to bully you into believing that you need him. Stay there finish school. If he moves it will be his choice, but at his cost. He has to pay child support until your baby is at least 18. You can get help from the state. Look into the WIC program if you haven't already they will help you. If you stay with him, keep him off of the drugs or his self esteem will get even worse.

Answer 7

I think you asked the wrong question, you know he is controlling. I think the major problem with women in this situation it insecurity. I know no one likes to here there insecure but everyday people stay in a bad situation knowing its bad for everyone, including the children, because of insecurity. I know he doesnt want you to do better because then theres a threat of you leaving him if you do. He also wants you to have no friends and wants to know everyone you come in contact with. Go with your heart and do whats best for you in life and you will prosper. Never let anyone put you down, certianly not your spouse, the one your suppose to turn to for strength. Be strong and make yourself happy!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 8

I honestly don't think he wants you to come up and do better for yourself. What you need to do is finish up with your GED take up a trade, get a part time job, and of course daycare and as soon as you save up enough get the hell out.
This is going to become a disaster and you see the beginning so you shouldn't let it go any further.
Good Luck

Answer 9

from what you say, he is being controlling and selfish. you guys need to have a serious talk and tell each other what is bothering each one. then set some new rules of respecting each other and both lovingly and caringly raising your child.

if nothing can change, you might have to ask him to leave or leave yourself, because it will not get better if he starts drugs.

be strong and stand up for your and your baby's rights. take care.

:)

Answer 10

I would sat he is!! He has NO right putting u down like that!!!! He might be doing it cause he knows you can find someone better and bring your self-esteem down is away to be sure you want try to find someone who cares and will treat u like u should be!!! If a man really loves I don't think he'd do that!!