My favorite is at a three lane stop light. And the unknown guy is in the middle lane. You and buddy pull up on either side and stop. Then slowly start to go backwards at the same time. The guy in the middle freaks because he thinks he's rolling forward.
2006-09-30 13:06:02 · 9 answers · asked by JustLynn 6 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
Putting vaseline on public restroom doorhandles, or taping drawers shut at work.(this also works with pencils, pens, etc.) Unplugging the mouse at a coworker's desk and watch them try to figure out the problem. Even funnier when I.T. shows up.
2006-09-30 13:20:54 · answer #1 · answered by ginjules 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When your male friend passes out. You shave all the hair off of their body (other than head and eyebrows) Then you dress them in lingerie. The look on thier face is priceless when they wake up...
2006-09-30 20:15:04 · answer #2 · answered by sad kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When someone is asleep, you tie a string to every hair on his body then all at once you pull out the hairs. The look on his face is spriceless!
2006-09-30 20:09:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
These R very practical they make u laugh and that's always the best medicine.
================= ==============
Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in. "I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today.
You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession." The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik. He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.
Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Whats the difference between a woman in church and one in the bath ?,
One has hope in her soul, and the other has soap in her....
Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©
Did you hear about the fire in the circus ?,
It was in-tents.
Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©
Q: How do you know a blonde is having a bad day?
A: She's got a tampon behind her ear and she can't
find her pencil
Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
And I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©
What's green, slimy, and smells like pork?
kermit's finger.
Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©
A skeleton walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a beer and a mop.
Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©
A guy walks into a bar with jumper cables around his neck, the bartender says, "I hope you're not planning on starting anything in here!"
Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©
Liar:
-----
A man is dying of Cancer.
His son asked him, "Dad, why do you keep telling
people you're dying of AIDS?"
Answer: "So when I'm dead no one will dare touch your mom!"
Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©
Three Feelings:
---------------
What's the difference between stress,
tension and panic? Stress is when wife is pregnant,
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,
and Panic is when both are pregnant.
Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©
Chinese Adam & Eve:
-------------------
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still
be in paradise because they
would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake!
Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©Û©
Two career drunks were extremely thirsty one Saturday night and decided to go to the store to get some cheap booze. In the store, the first drunk says, "All right, I have 87 cents; how much do you have?" His friend replies, "I have a dollar. What can we get for $1.87?" The first spots a big Italian sausage on the rack for only $1.80 and has a great idea. "Hey, here's what we can do" he says. "We'll buy that sausage there and put it in my pants. We'll go into a bar and order drinks. After the drinks are gone, I'll pull out the sausage and you start sucking on it. They'll kick us out of the bar and we won't have to pay!"
The second drunk agrees and they head off to the bar. They walk in and order two beers and drink them down. When the beer is gone,the first drunk whips the sausage out and the second starts sucking on it. "What the hell are you doing? Get out of my bar!" says the bartender, and the two run out laughing. "That was great, and it didn't cost us a cent" says the second drunk. "Let's do it again!"
So off they run to another bar for a repeat performance. This continues through the night. At the end of the night, after about the 20th bar, the second drunk says "Man what a great night. All this drinking is making me hungry. Hey, pull out that sausage and let's eat it."
"Sausage?" says the first. "I ate the sausage about eight bars ago!"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
guy walks into a bar, sits down and says to the bartender, "Quick pour me 12 drinks."
So the bartender pours him 12 shots and the guy starts shooting them back really fast, one after another. The bartender says to the guy, "Boy, you are drinking those drinks really fast."
The guys says, "Well, you would be drinking really fast too if you had what I've got."
The bartender says, "What've you got?"
The guy says,"75 cents."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string o n the counter.
She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, "You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
To get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
And some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own ... So does she.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A man goes to his family doctor and says "I've got a big
problem, you'll see when i show you, only you've got to
promise not to laugh".
The doctor replies, "Of course I won 't laugh. That would be
thoroughly unprofessional. In over 15 years
of being the doctor, I 've never laughed at a patient.
"OK then," says the man, and he drops his trousers.
The doctor is greeted by the sight of the tiniestpenis he has
ever seen in his life.Despite his best efforts, he begins
laughing, softly at first, then uncontrollably.
Some minutes later he manages to compose himself and wipes
the tears from his eyes.
"I am so sorry," he says to his patient, "I don 't know what
came over me, I won 't let it happen again. Now what seems to
be the problem?"
The man looks up at the doctor with very sad eyes; "IT'S
BLOODY SWOLLEN !!!".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A guy has a crush on a girl at his work. He is dying to ask her out on a date, but every time he sees her, he gets the biggest erection ever. There is nothing he can do to control it.
After some time, he decides to get her phone number and call her up. This way, he won't have to see her and won't get too excited. He ends up asking her out and she says yes.
He figures what he'll do is tie his penis to his leg so when he sees her it'll be tied to his leg and she'll never notice it.
He gets to her house. When he knocks on her door, she answers the door in a sheer teddy.
He kicks her in the face.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
HOPE THIS HELPS
2006-10-01 13:00:29 · answer #4 · answered by Spaghetti MY 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yours is great. I see we have some twisted people on here.
Try this. Saran wrap over the toilet seat. It's a hoot. Unfortunately someone will get pissed off. Hopefully not pissed on.
2006-09-30 20:11:14 · answer #5 · answered by Wise ol' owl 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Good one. I like to paint fingernail and toenails while a guy is sleeping !
2006-09-30 21:29:40 · answer #6 · answered by Big Bear 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sign a male friend up to receive "undergear" or "international male" catalogs- both VERY gay!
2006-09-30 20:30:49 · answer #7 · answered by TJD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Vaseline on door knob.
2006-09-30 20:20:17 · answer #8 · answered by Linda R 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol
pig
fell
in
the
mudd
all
i
know
2006-09-30 20:08:28 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋