Tell me something funny either about yourself or a story...?

Question

anything at all! Had a crap night and need cheering up. Taxi took too long to come for me so couldn't make it to club in time :( feeling very sober and very pissed off lol

Answer 1

I am frightened of fish, it's the way they look at you with their dead eyes. Oh, and I use Tesco's linen-scented deodorant for women.

Answer 2

Well there was this one time in high school a while back lol i am 24 currently so its been a while anyways you have to wait for the bell to ring before you go upstairs but nobody really keeps an eye out for that. So i went upstairs because i knew i had to fart and it was one of those what i call GLOBAL WARMERS meaning when you fart it is silient and literly burns your butt hairs lol. I knew the bell was going to ring at any moment so i passed my global warmer right on top of the stairs. The bell rang and i ran down the hall to the bathroom and peeked behond the corner as the kids came up i heard what the fuc* and all sorts of comments one kid said holy bejesus that rinks. Then one kid actually passed out. They viewed the cameras later on to see what had happened and new what i did they called me into there office and suspended me for 1 day for causing bodily injury to a student. Needless to say my family and everyone who new me called me stinkter speenkta. It happens like that every time i eat godfathers which is why i dont eat it anymore because it really upsets my stomach

Answer 3

One day father O'Malley went on his weekly rounds to visit the elderly. He stopped to visit Clara ,an old spinster,who lived alone in a big old mansion. She had him come into the parlor and asked it he'd like a cup of tea. "That would be nice Clara," he replied. While she was in the kitchen brewing the tea, he looked around and was shocked. There, in plain sight, draped across the top of the organ , was a condom. The priest turned bright red,and didn't know what to do.
Clara came in with the pot of tea and served them. They were sipping the tea and the father couldn't help but see the condom on the organ behind Clara. She finally asked , "father what are you looking at?"
Father O'Malley asked,"Clara , what is that draped across your organ?"
Clara, said, " Father ,it was a miracle,I was walking along the sidewalk one day and I see this small shiny gold package, and I read it, it said to tear open, unroll and place on your organ, and it would protect you against diseases. So , I did , and I haven't felt this well in years."

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I swotted a pear yesterday and splatted it in the fruit dish as I thought it had a fly on it.

It turned out to be the black bit that you get on pears and apples at the opposite end to the stork.

Well I thought it was mildly amusing anyway

Answer 6

I saw this woman across the street and ran up to her thinking it was MY mother, I hugged from behind so she coudn't see me. When she turned round it wasn't my mum at all. Embarrassing or what?

Answer 7

1

Answer 8

There was a ball at my school, mind you this is a fancy ball, where private donators come and donate money to my school. My friends and me are in tux, everything is elegant, there is french wine and not what. The night carries on and while I mingle, my friend Nicole comes to me laughing with tears in her eyes. She goes "oh my god Jerry you'll never believe what happened" of course I ask her what and she goes (mind you our teachers are all under 30 years of age and we call them by thier first name) "Our teacher Lisa she is flat out drunk" I'm like "what"? I go over and I see Lisa being bascially carried by one of the other teachers. I go over and ask. "hey joey what happended to lisa?" he repies "can't you see she's wasted, wasted pretty bad." as he carries her out Lisa talks to me; her voice is slurred and her breath reeks all the while she is laughing her butt off , although, she does look very pretty even though she's drunk, she's says "Heeey Jerry, having fun? lord knows I am. ehehh. that tux makes you sexy, (I can't believe she said that to me, (as she is carried out the door)) Oh by the way don't forget about the test on mondaaayy." I look over to where she was and there was a donator (an old lady) wearing a white blazer with a HUGE RED WINE STAIN. "Oh my god!!. Lisa did that, no f*kin way!!" The nights goes on and everyone has "forgotten" about it. Its 1:30 a.m and my friends are along except for one (my friends got a taxi and there wasn't anymore room so we had to wait) I'm sitting with my friend Hayden on the stairs, its somewhat of a balcony, overlooking the ball room, we are sitting on the steps drinking some of the wine that we were able to sneak out. One of the teacher assistent's who is even younger (about 22) wearing a rather revealing yet elegant dress comes up to us (she's been drinking) this is in November and it is fairly cold plus the AC doesn't help. She comes up and is sweating "Oh god its hot jesus aren't you guys hot turn the up the ac" (we are shivering our butts off) Out of nowhere she kisses my cheek and then turns around and kisses my friend on the forehead. while me and my friend look at eachother in surprise, she's keels over to the floor and starts to cry "Oh god, I'm going to get to get fired! I just had sex with you guys" I tell her " yeah we wish" I look at her and then at Hayden. There was no way we could do anything to her, as hot as she was, she was really nice and was also my friend. We leave the ball in our tux, wine bottle in one hand and Miss fort's arm in the other. we took her to her house which was not very far and set her down on her couch (it would have been way too awkward to take her to her bed) I turn to Hayden and ask him "well what next?" "let's write and head back to the party" although Miss Fort came back the next day, she did comment on the previous night and did not ask anything, although she kept being my friend. To this day, well actually it was a year ago, I do know if she read the note I wrote her and laid on her table.


"Miss Fort, this is Jerry, Hayden and I took you home, you had been drinking, and to our surprise and liking, you kissed us in an innocent way, Nothing happened between the three of us. i swear to you. You are my freind and I wouln't take advantage of you like that. I love you and you are my friend and I don't think less of you"
-Jerry

Answer 9

I think it's funny that almost everyone answering your question is a sad, sad guy or a lesbian.

Answer 10

I have got my hands in place of my legs and my legs in place of my hands, so I practice tap-dancing when writing this answer on my computer...:-))

A.