a year ago we divorced and he and i have moved on. i have been in therapy for two years and it's helped me so much. our marraige was so bad, however we were very alike and we use to laugh alot, we were good friends. the problem was i was a bad wife, doing things i picked up from my mother.ok so there, i admit to being a bad wife. and yes she and i bad mouthed each other when i was going thru the divorce. but never to each others faces. infact i've NEVER met her! ever. i would call her names to my ex, and she would call me names to him. but thats crap that comes with divorce, regret and bad choices. my kids want to spend thanksgiving with both their parents. it's my year to have them for thanksgiving, so i sent out an invite. she declined saying she's not ready for that. umm isnt' that the ex wife's line? if i'm okay with it, why isnt she?she won, she got him, wheres the threat if the ex wife has moved on and is okay with get together with her ex and his wife??? am i missing something?
2006-09-30 12:38:52 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i think i should of added this but felt it didnt matter. she was his mistress when he and i were married. i dont think men should cheat on their wives for any reason. i would never ever say, he cheated on her but she deserved it. i think if a man wants out of a marraige he needs to get the guts to divorce her. so my UGLY comments were "adulterous wh***".. and of course she retaliated because as she said,"if you were any good he wouldn't have gone to me." i urged my husband to go to counseling with me, go to church, go to a family friend, anyone to work our probs out. he went to her, and left me and our four kids. so NOOOOOOOOOO i dont and will never ask her for forgiveness for my ugly comments. i would think somewhere in the secular world the wife gets to call the other woman ANYTHING she wants. now i've grown, in therapy, healed from the bad marraige and the divorce and have corrected bad habits and i've MOVED ON. she needs to too.
2006-09-30 15:19:22 · update #1
i think i should of added this but felt it didnt matter. she was his mistress when he and i were married. i dont think men should cheat on their wives for any reason. i would never ever say, he cheated on her but she deserved it. i think if a man wants out of a marraige he needs to get the guts to divorce her. so my UGLY comments were "adulterous wh***".. and of course she retaliated because as she said,"if you were any good he wouldn't have gone to me." i urged my husband to go to counseling with me, go to church, go to a family friend, anyone to work our probs out. he went to her, and left me and our four kids. so NOOOOOOOOOO i dont and will never ask her for forgiveness for my ugly comments. i would think somewhere in the secular world the wife gets to call the other woman ANYTHING she wants. now i've grown, in therapy, healed from the bad marraige and the divorce and have corrected bad habits and i've MOVED ON. she needs to too.
2006-09-30 15:19:37 · update #2
Understand that is hard to deal with being the new wife. You two had and still have ties to each through the kids. Allow her time to get to know you and not think this is a trick, yes, even though you are not that way put yourself into her shoes and would you not think something? What could happen is do something different this year, allow the kids over there for part of the day and the other with you and your family. Show her how you are not that big bad ex wife every new wife has a image of. Be kind and good to her and then you will see a change in her. She is still is insecure about you so give her some time.
2006-09-30 13:26:18 · answer #1 · answered by Krinta 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
why don't you and your ex split the day up. So that way they spend time with both and the new wife doesn't have to spend it with you. All is happy. Maybe she doesn't feel comfortable with you because you are the ex wife. I can understand how she feels. It's just an odd feeling and the fact that you two once made comments about each other means that there will be tension. Maybe she wants to enjoy her holiday without tension especially with the ex wife being there. I know I wouldn't want to spend the holiday with my husbands ex wife there.
2006-09-30 12:49:07 · answer #2 · answered by babieshay27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but I'm on her side......I wouldn't go to the ex- wife's house for Thanksgiving...especially if you only divorced a year ago......and she no doubt has heard about the crap you've said about her, so why would she want to spend a holiday (or any other day) near you?!
2006-09-30 14:05:11 · answer #3 · answered by bluez 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been divorced for 15 years. I wouldn't go to any social event where my ex was going to be. NONE. The ONE time I was near her voluntarily, was my daughter's wedding. I had to tolerate being in the same room as my ex. It won't happen again- EVER. As for your ex's new wife, you've said you said lousy things about her. Why should she forgive and forget? She hadn't done anything to you, but YOU chose to badmouth her. So, live with the fact that she dislikes or hates you. You earned it.
2006-09-30 13:30:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you need to talk to her and let her know that you take responsibility for your poor behaviour choices. explain to her that you want things to be different in the future for the sake of the children. let her know that you understand her hesitation and that you respect her choice (whether you do or not on both parts). but let her know her invitation stands in case she changes her mind. if you were horrible, it will take a while for her to trust you. she may feel like she'd be walking into the Lion's Den. give her space and time and be kind.
2006-09-30 12:44:45 · answer #5 · answered by Gabrielle 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think that if your kids want both of their parents with them for thanksgiving then the new wife should try to be considerate and respect what they want. she doesn't have to like you but just put up with being near you for one evening because that is what the kids want.
2006-09-30 12:44:35 · answer #6 · answered by buttons 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't like you and probably never will, so for the kids sick, you guys need to go to a restaurant and celebrate Thanksgiving there.
2006-09-30 13:05:26 · answer #7 · answered by carzone28 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It might just be very uncomfortable for her. She knows the two of you used to be intimate and you shared a very close bond so actually meeting you face to face and sharing a holiday together might be awkward for her.
2006-09-30 12:44:28 · answer #8 · answered by ree03 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you suggested going out to eat somewhere together it may be less intimidating for her.
2006-09-30 12:43:33 · answer #9 · answered by ronnny 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes you've just got to let sleeping dogs lie.
2006-09-30 13:00:54 · answer #10 · answered by Larry F 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋