I am a 37 year old male and have been bi since high school. I am not active sexually with guys often and when I am it is very safe. I love my girlfriend very much and have been with her for 3 years but I can't bring myself to tell her. I know she would end the relationship if she knew. What should I do?
2006-09-30 12:13:06 · 19 answers · asked by metalheadny69 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I understand how much you love your girlfriend, but you are living a lie, and as much as you may not want to hear this, your secret will come out sooner or later. It could be now or 20 years down the road, who knows???? You can rest assured that she will find out one way or the other. You need to get the courage up and try to tell her the best way you can. She deserves this more than anything because i'm sure she is putting everything she has and all her love into this relationship, and it's not right that she's doing this with you still carrying around this secret. She will hate you in the end if you don't tell her. It's worse when you let things like this go on and the person has to find out on their own. It makes them feel like they were used and lied to the whole time. Atleast she could always say that you were upfront and honest with her in the end. You don't want a relationship to end with someone hating you. Who knows how things will turn out, you just can't say she might leave you because you just don't know what's going to happen. I sincerely wish you the best with this, and I hope things work out for the best.
2006-09-30 12:53:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What are you afraid of? If she really loves you she will work past this. Or, you guys weren't meant to be together in a sexual way. You should have been honest with her from day one. If you guys have been together for 3+ years she's probably thinking you will settle down together at some point. Obviously that won't work out too well if you're running off to "brokeback mountain" when you're joansen for some male attention. You can't keep living a lie. You will feel much better and so will she once all of your cards are out on the table. She deserves to know and you deserve to live your life without any secrecy.
2006-09-30 12:23:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just think how pleased she would be to know that when you are making love to her, that that thing has been someplace very stinky!
Do her a HUGE favor by ending the relationship now, before you inadvertently bring home something that she can't get rid of.
Even though you state that you are very careful, there is only so much a human can do to prevent STD's. And there are a couple that condoms don't stop.
2006-09-30 12:17:55 · answer #3 · answered by Plain_Common_Sense 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her now. Bisexual men who are on the "down low" (as you just admitted) are a major cause of HIV spread among women. Health risk aside, there is the issue of cheating (which is a problem no matter the gender) then there is the issue of your sexuality which you've not been honest about.
There are women out there who will accept this, if you must be with a woman find one of them and let your girlfriend find a man with the qualities she find acceptable.
2006-09-30 12:18:57 · answer #4 · answered by BabyRN 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'd a lot fairly date someone brazenly bisexual than closeted. I recommend it won't be able to be first date fabric, even with the indisputable fact that that's probable some thing that would want to arise organically, and as a bisexual i'd be a touch indignant if someone actively hid it.
2016-12-04 02:00:28 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U gotta come out the closet.. but I doubt that she'll stay with u after all u have been sexually active with men.. and you haven't been very truthfull about ur sexuality and thats misleading to a woman.. yeh but u gotta tell her or else your gonna run into problems if u guys get married or have kids.
2006-09-30 12:23:04 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be a man (as much as possible) and be up front with her, if not you must not love her completely or you'd care for her feelings enough not to lie to her by keeping a hugely important truth like that from her, so better come clean soon....She's surely going to be hurt because you did deceive her. You should of told her at the start of things anyways....
2006-09-30 12:19:23 · answer #7 · answered by THE BEST 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her. You both deserve honesty. Not that complicated and if she loves you unconditionally, she will work with you on the best way to manage that part of your lives. Its not like its a choice, its who you are and hopefully she will understand that. If not, then you need to decide how important that part of your life is and decide if you are willing to give up the male anatomy for her and if you are not, kick her to the curb and find someone that is willing to work with you.
2006-10-01 12:04:31 · answer #8 · answered by Houston Golf 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I believe you should tell her, honesty is the best policy. If you feel strongly that she would end the relationship, then it is best to deal with it now instead of living a lie and making any type of future relationship or friendship with her worse than it is now.
2006-09-30 13:15:39 · answer #9 · answered by blue 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to be open, otherwise, it will still end. If you are open to her, there may be a chance to salvage your relationship. You are violating trust by not being open in the first place. Without trust, no relationship survives!
2006-09-30 12:18:18 · answer #10 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋