He is pre-op male to female transexual on hormones, does electrolysis & has long hair. Our families don't know about my recent discovery yet. I've known for 6 months already. I'm in therapy. Not sure what to do yet. Help?
2006-09-30 10:56:22 · 21 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Stay in counseling until you figure out what you want to do- unless you want complete strangers managing your life. :-)
It sounds like this might be a tough deal for you either way, it's good to shout it out- we're listening.
2006-09-30 11:43:21 · answer #1 · answered by DanaZ 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Here's the deal. You married one person, and now you are married to a different person. Is that the person that completes you as a person? He changed, you didn't. As sad as it is, this is a time for you to be completely honest with yourself. There is no going back, and if he does through with the surgery, do you want to live with a woman all the rest of your life.
I'm sorry this happened to you, and hopefully he understands the consequences of his actions and will completely understand. Be selfish, this is your life too.
BTW, please don't think this happened because of anything you did. Your husband has known all his life about this, and just got to the point where he couldn't lie any more. Its too bad more men aren't honest with themselves and would do the loving thing and NOT get involved with a woman in the hope that it will go away. Cause it won't.
You will notice that I am not badmouthing him for his need to do this,, there isn't a thing wrong with that, if he's a woman, then so be it. However that isn't what you signed up for and you have a right to happiness. Move on, and go in peace.
2006-09-30 11:04:43 · answer #2 · answered by tjnstlouismo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are still in love with him. At the least I believe you still love him. Continue the therapy and wait another 6 months and see what your feelings are at that time. There was an excellent HBO film starring Jessica Lange that dealt with this exact subject. In the film, her husband didn't want a divorce, he just wanted to be a woman because he felt like one trapped in a man's body. Jessica came to accept this and when her teen son asked how she could stay with him she said because she still loved him and that he was a wonderful person. This movie didn't pull any punches either. It was intense. Perhaps you can find the name on HBO.com. Whatever you decide to do, good luck.
2006-09-30 11:11:29 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is obvious that he has no regard for you or the marriage vows that tie you. He has chosen to live a destructive lifestyle that will also destroy you in the process and bury you in the long run. I suggest that you begin planning the single life. Talk to your parents, close friends, and surround yourself with the support group that you will need since your Titanic marriage is sinking fast. Let me say that it is not your fault in any way, shape, or form and that you are intrinsically valuable as a woman. After you have done your homework as I've advised it will be time for you to take action. The aid of a good lawyer is in order if you have children and financial interests between you. Take heed that this may turn ugly. After it is all said and done don't look back. Move forward and find love, restoration, and peace of mind.
You are too precious to be in this agony.
With love and understanding,
Mr. M on "trani husband."
2006-09-30 11:07:28 · answer #4 · answered by Humberto M 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He apparently didnt care about your feelings and kept something hugely...I mean....hugely important from you!! What do you need therapy for? It's very clear what direction he wants to go....why cant you also be as clear on your direction? That's real good grounds for divorce...sexual and mental incompatibility on a grand scale. I didnt hear 'love' in the question...so, go out and find a man. Best of luck to you. It's not your fault.
2006-09-30 11:03:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Id already be gone. I cant believe you just found out 6 months ago. There had to be some sort of signs somewhere along the way. Id leave him. I couldnt live that way. That makes you a lesbian if you stay with him. You dont need therapy, HE does.
2006-09-30 11:07:55 · answer #6 · answered by ~~ 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Don't take this wrong, but, does he like men or women? Is he changing to become a lesbian or so that he is not considered gay? It sounds to me like he needs to be in therapy. Obviously there is something in his life that hes not happy with. Let him figure it out BY HIMSELF. Don't let him drag you down on yourself its all him
2006-09-30 11:04:46 · answer #7 · answered by bugoff26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move on with your life. Remain friends go shopping girl talk. Find yourself a man to share your life.
2006-10-01 13:06:30 · answer #8 · answered by RANDALL 5 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he don't want to be your husband then maybe you can find someone else who will be interested-you can keep him for a friend if you want to but keep him away from any other man you may get involved with!
2006-09-30 11:06:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should leave. Remain friends. He's moving on and finally fufilling something he's probsbly never had the courage to do. He's certainly not doing it for you.
2006-09-30 11:00:11 · answer #10 · answered by triciasdish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋