my husband is always hurting me, he goes through some kind of mental breakdown (what he calls them once a year

Question

and tells me he isnt sure if he loves me or not, or other variations of this, this year he said he was in love with a girl he works with and then told me differently said he just got angry at me for catching him up in a lie and told me this intentionally to hurt me, they are best friends, he works with her, talks to her on messenger, all the time calls her and talks and says that she is his best friend and that nothings going on or ever went on with them. It sort of makes me feel bad that he gets along better with her then me, shes like the female version of him and they are so much alike... I try to keep the jealousy from interfering with our relationship and allow him to call her and stuff, Im even trying to be friends with the girl, anyway my question is, do you think that because of these breakdowns that he is going to leave me eventually in time because I feel that he might and im preparing myself for the worst, and should I think somethings going on and

should I be so concerned about this other woman in his life? He does these sort of things year after year then says he's stupid and he loves me. I just feel like im being taken advantage of.

Answer 1

It's really not what we think you should put up with, it's what you think you should put up with. Does this feel right to you? You said you feel you're being taken advantage of, that sounds like your answer to me. So, can you live with feeling like you're being taken advantage of? If not there is always help. First line help for something like this is always counseling, if either of you aren't willing to do that then it's not likely you're relationship will change very much. Usually there is sort of a snap, things change for a while after a heated argument (or crisis) and then you can expect the cycle to change back to dysfunctional again.

If you want my opinion, I think you have self esteem issues and poor boundaries (like a lot of us, me included ;) to need to ask this question. Your husband, YOUR husband, is chatting up some other female and you're asking us whether it's alright? Sit with that for a second. Maybe a better question would be why you don't have the spine to stand up for yourself. I really am trying to help you empower yourself, so often one partner totally deludes another partner for years on end until one day you do wake up and say enough. Why not cut to the chase, unless you are totally weak and dependent you're going to get so mad that he has no chance in hell in changing your mind. I'd tell him now because what usually happens is that women emotionally divorce the man and he is left to wonder why you've had a change. If you have insurance, call them and ask about your benefits and tell them you need a referral to a marriage counselor.

The other girl isn't better than you either, he'd end up doing the same thing to her. He's lazy and doesn't want to do the work in the relationship. Another thing that happens is depression, low self-esteem causes people to self destruct or look for outside validation (this usually because the person isn't able to generate their own feelings of self worth, in the end, a thousand of the most beautiful girls swooning over him won't repair his self image). If he's broken, don't let him break you too, and don't try and fix him either. Tell him he needs to fix himself otherwise I'd be leaving on a jet plane....

Answer 2

Breakdowns is that what he calls them? I call it as I see it Dear and he is just as typical as they come. Makes you the bad guy for his indiscretions. This best OTHER woman isn't a Friend to either. If she was his best Friend she would be hanging out with the both of you. She would be behind his relationship to you not putting a wedgier between you. Let me ask does he socialize with her go out after work? and have drinks, "because they are Friends"? Are you invited? My guess is yes to first part No to 2nd. He's having balls of a time sweety, and you need to look at it with open honest eyes. Don't be unfaithful to yourself too.

Answer 3

Personally, from what you said, it sounds like he is more than a friend to this girl. I would be really careful with this!
If he is getting along better with this other woman than he is with you........there is a problem. If it was me in your situation, I would tell him to not associate with her at all, or tell him to leave. He is showing you no respect. And for him to threaten you once about being in love with this woman and NOT you???? That is mental. And it may be true.
It sounds to me like you have WAY to much trust in him. If he is treating you badly then there is something wrong. You need to check into this further and not just sit there and Wonder what he is doing and letting him treat you this way.
There are TONS of better (real) men out in the world.
Good luck, sounds like you have your hands full!

Answer 4

You are being abused mentally and it doesnt sound like its going to stop anytime soon. By actually wanting to get along with this girl,youre playing his stupid game by letting him know exactly where you stand which is exactly where he wants you. Hes just keeping you around, so youll be there for when he wants you. There is no good reason on earth why you should be putting up with his crap. Its time to move on and let him play his little kid games and go find your true love that will love and cherish only you.

Answer 5

Yes , you should be concerened about his actions.
If he is chatting on line with woman how do you know whaty else he is doing?
Looks like he is cheating and catching him in a lie should be a sign there is also more lies he has told you.

better start calling the shots, this guy has a problem and needs help.

Answer 6

If he is married to you, he is COMMITTED to working and doing everything he can to make you happy. He should not be hanging out/talking with this other girl, even if they were just friends (although it usually is never that way). I am a firm believer in trying to work things out at all costs, but if you think he is cheating on you, or has thought about being unfaithful, you need to tell him that if he doesn't fix things, you're going to leave him.. That isn't right AT ALL.

Answer 7

you are being tooken advantage of emotionally. it sounds to me like your husbands a jerk but then again i really know nothing about him. if he claims he's having these "mental breakdowns" admit him to a mental hospital or get him evaluated. otherwise he'll keep using his so called breakdowns as an excuse. and another thing, you shouldn't have to hold you tongue or hide jealousy, just confront him. marraige is a two way street.

Answer 8

Girl,
Let me tell you......don't put up with his crap. If he is demanding that he talks to this other chick....noooooooooooo wayyyyyyyyyyy. Put your foot down and tell him to stop with her or you are outta there. You don't need a man to make you feel like crap. As a woman we do that enough on our own. Tell him to knock off the crap or leave

Answer 9

It sounds like he is using psychological warfare on you. To keep you insecure and allowing him to do whatever he wants. You deserve a better life than that.

Answer 10

i would say there is some thing going on,if you love him fight for him, and if it still don't work out atleast you tried. i would give him one chance and if he kept seeing her and communicating with her i would move on, because you don't deserve this,a man will pick on the wife and start fights if there is another woman in his life.