Does this sound like something's going on that I should be worried about?

Question

I'm 6 months prego and my significant other, baby's daddy, ditches me all the time. I'm trying to be ok with that; our getting pregnant was a total surprise. But he always goes to the bar and I don't like going because I miss smoking and drinking and at this point have little will power as I've been smoking and drinking for like half my life. I quit cold turkey but I'm afraid I'd cave in. Anyhow, I trust bf, or I did. He's usually gone til ungodly hours of the morning. Last night, he came back from the bar, smelling like, well, a french ho. And he immediately went to the bathroom to change his clothes-all of them. I was tired and thought it was weird but was glad he came back. When I went to the bathroom, I discovered his cummy covered jeans/shorts sitting in the bathroom. So I asked him what the hell was going on and he said it was none of my business! I think it is since we've done stuff and I'm gonna have our kid. Am I being paranoid? I feel totally deceived and alone and sad now.

Answer 1

If you stepped back and read your question, as though your mother or best friend were saying the same words? What would your answer be?

There are 2 people involved, that being said there will be 2 differing perceptions of the actual events. Based on your description above I will say...

When there is nothing to hide, there is no problem or defensive tone when answering a question.

I do hope your situation improves, however based on how you described the circumstance, the situation is, more than likely, what it seems.

The truth will remain the same no matter what a person chooses to believe or accept.

here are the red flags I found in your description...
1) ditches me all the time (priority of fellowship is elsewhere)
2) he always goes to the bar (chooses to be elsewhere)
3) significant other, baby's daddy (lack of commitment)
4) He's usually gone til ungodly hours of the morning (again, priority of who he chooses to spend time with is elsewhere)
5) smelling like, well, a french ho (oh my, perfume either rubs off or is sprayed on, both require physical touch)
6) I discovered his cummy covered jeans/shorts (evidence of sexual activity)
7) he said it was none of my business! (where there are secrets, there is something hidden)

Consider carefully the circumstances to make sure your perceptions are accurate and not exagerated.

This is the time make honest decisions for yourself. Be honest with yourself and determine what you want, how you want it and seek advice from people who have been through this and achieved the results you want.

When you want to repair something, don't seek advice from a person that's hopped from one broken relationship after another. Seek sound solid advice from those who made it to the other side of this situation successfully.

Provided your perception/description is accurate, there is not only reason to be concerned but reason to consider new steps. You must consider your safety and that of the unborn child. Many sexually transmitted diseases are brought home to unsuspecting wives every day. The warning signs you have described are huge.

Many choices are at your door and I wish you the very best.

Answer 2

A lot of this depends upon you and your relationship. If you are ok with him going out without you then you take the risk of him coming home smelling of another woman. You can either ask him to stop and stay with you, grow up and take responsibility of a man about to become a father, or you can let it go on, keep quiet and after the baby tell him it's your turn to go out and leave him at home with the baby. Some relationships can handle being "open", other (most) can't. Even when you do later (maybe 20 years later) you will have some resentment. But it's up to you to decide if this guy is worth the time and effort it sounds like it will take to make him a father and "significant other". Also, if he is jealous then you need to pack your bags and go.

Answer 3

I think this relationship sounds very abusive Already to me and I should know , I tried to hang on in mine too , it doesn't work it only gets worse when it starts this soon into it . You will end up raising that child basically by yourself . Tell him if he wants to go to the bar so much that he can go move in . Then be done with him. You will be much better off and so will the baby . I stayed
through 2 kids and finally left when my oldest was 6 yrs. old .
I couldn't stay one more day wondering where their next meal would come from . I moved , got a job and brought both of them up on my own . Honey I tell you from my heart GET OUT NOW !!!

Answer 4

He's a jerk. My guess would be he's cheating on you or at least flirting a lot, but he has no idea saying it's none of your business. That shows a lack of respect on his part that I would not tolerate. Don't put up with behavior you aren't comfortable with just because you're in a less-than-optimum position, being pregnant and all. How long have you been together?

Answer 5

It most certainly is your business. If he is having unprotected sex you could end up with something. No guy stays out late like that unless he is up to something no good.

Get rid of him, but make sure when the baby is born, you sue him for child support. Your child should not suffer because he is a jerk. You will need the money to help meet expenses.

Answer 6

You've got yourself into a very complicated situation with a baby on the way. Seek professional counselling now for your protection and the protection of the baby.

Answer 7

same thing happened to me. i stayed until my baby was almost three but nothing changed, it only got worse.

either leave him or throw him out if you can afford to stay there alone. if he is not going to change, good riddance. if he is going to change, he has no reason to do so because you are there, you are a captive audience and he can do whatever he wants, so why change? if you leave or throw him out, it is only then that he will appreciate what he has lost.
ps remember you are pregnant and sexually transmitted diseases are an issue. there are diseases that can really badly harm your unborn baby if you contract them during pregnancy, such as herpes. i don't want to scare you but please take this very seriously.

Answer 8

You should be worried! He needs to step up and act like a man! You are having his baby! And there is no reason he should be coming home with cumm on his shorts! No reason at all!

Answer 9

Iv'e been through the same thing and hon I'm sorry to say but it sounds like he is cheating! My man did the same exact thing!

Answer 10

I'm really sorry this is happening to you, but something is absolutely going on. Figure out what other options you have and get rid of him if you can.