My daughter stole food from a gas station while we were there, the cashier stopped us over it but we argued with him because we thought it wasn't possible. In the car we found out she really did have some gum. Her dad was really angry and returned it to the cashier. At home he made her undress everything and gave her a bare bottom spank. But she's in 7th grade, and we never punished her like that when she was younger, and now she's sulking around the house weeks later and doesn't want to talk to us. I'd like to talk about what happened but it seems akward.
I'm not sure what to think, because shoplifting is not something we want her to start, but I think if it was me I'd be weirded out.
2006-09-30 08:12:15 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
not to defend him, but I DO NOT think he broke any laws.
2006-09-30 09:01:25 · update #1
I think she's a little too old for spanking... especially nude!
anyways...
from experience, I can tell that your daughter hasnt been doing it too long(everone knows gas stations have the most cameras!) so congrats for catching it early in the game. Im sure your punishment was just bad enough that she wont do it again(or at least not when you are around). I guess if you just start to talk to her about it, then she will listen. so my advice would be to not let her out of your sight in the store/gas station and maybe even tell the cashier(at gas stations) to keep an eye on her. good luck, and thank you for being a parent!
another thing you might want to think about is that she actually obeyed you and undressed just so your husband could spank her. most kids would say no... even to dad. when her friends tell her to do something wrong will she give in to the peer pressure, or will she stand up for what she knows is right?
2006-09-30 10:19:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Okay. Shoplifting is a serious crime and no doubt she has to be severely, but morally, punished for it. You should have grounded her, forbidden her to have gum, and taken away a lot of her privileges.
But, having a dad strip his teenage daughter and spank her on her BARE BOTTOM! That is way, way beyond the limit. It's illegal and he technically committed a crime by invading her privacy and by stripping her.
As of now, you and your husband should apologize for what he did to her (no wonder she was sulking a lot). However, your daughter is not off the hook. She should apologize for shoplifting. Then, together, the three of you need to sit together and discuss a REASONABLE punishment such as the ones I listed above.
Good luck solving your issue, and clearly your daughter got the point to NEVER shoplift again.
2006-09-30 08:49:03 · answer #2 · answered by Zαrα Mikαzuki 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, I don't think she'll be shoplifting any time again. I do not agree with her having her clothes off at all, though. I'd have thrown in some grounding as well, but I guess that ship's already sailed.
She got the message that this is so outrageous, that it warranted a very strong and unusual punishment.
What's done is done, but if, (God forbid) it ever happens again, at least let her keep her clothes on, for crying out loud. She's getting a little old for her dad (or anyone) to see her bare bottom, don't you think? She also needs her dignity!
And as a word to the wise, I would keep a very open eye on your husband's relationship with your daughter. Some men may be harmless around youngsters, but incest starts in the teenage years. (it happened to a friend of mine and her sister) I know you don't want to believe it's possible of this man that you love, but you don't want to be stupid and blind either.
2006-09-30 08:30:22 · answer #3 · answered by kitkat94670 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure she will think twice about shoplifting again, but being spanked while she's in the 7th grade is a little harsh. I do not criticize about other parenting methods, but I'm sure you got your point across. Also,bare naked? Not cool. Embarrassing. Since she is so sad, maybe she will open up in a couple days/weeks. Some children will go out and rebel after they get punished so harshly. I wish you the best of luck.
2006-09-30 08:24:56 · answer #4 · answered by LiSa B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Aplogizing to the gas attendant, being banned from the store for 6 months-year dependant on what was stolen, in this case gum by a 7th grader...some kids simply try the deed to see whether they can get away with it...or perhaps you didn't let her chew gum so she chose to help herself...possibly a friend did this once and she wanted to try it.
No matter what, speak with her...awkward or not, the length of time that continues to go by makes this situation that much more difficult to approach. She is possibly waiting for you to say something to her...she is acting the way she is because first of all she's probably embarrassed about getting caught, she is insulted by the spanking especially at this age and of course because this type of punishment hasn't been dealt out to her previously. It's almost certain she thinks you hate her now thus she is developing a hate for you as well as time goes by.
Perhaps you and dad should approach her together...dad can apologize for his actions but then emphasize the fact that what she did is simply unacceptable and dad was so bothered by her actions that he acted in a knee jerk fashion.
If the gas attendant hasn't banned her...do it. Likely she won't want to go there again for a while anyway. Emphasize that if there ever is a next time she may not be as lucky to simply give back the item and go home. The police can be called and charges laid, not something she wants to get involved with.
She's scared enough as it is...talk rationally without accusations or anger...she needs to know you still love her but that you can't accept her actions. Loving the girl but hating the action is something you need to get through to her.
Good luck with this...quite possibly she's cured of this behavior, for some it takes one incident and getting caugth to rid them of that kind of behavior.
Hope it is your daughters case, good luck
2006-09-30 08:24:45 · answer #5 · answered by dustiiart 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Making your daughter strip naked, and then to have a bare bottomed spanking is so out of line. I can only think your husband enjoyed this, and maybe you did too. Anyone that would put this on Yahoo Answers is pretty stupid. At age 13, your daughter has started to mature in many ways. Her father shouldn't be seeing her like that, and then laid across his lap nude as he's spanking her. I think it's all pretty much sick,and you being the mother, can't believe you didn't stop this. I hope this is a bunch of lies, because your azz should be strung up, along with your husband's. Have you ever heard of taking away her priviages ??? If he starts doing this to her again, please Stop him now ~~~
2006-09-30 11:27:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with 'Rawrrrr' all the way, except as follows; Punishment whenever possible, should deal directly with the crime and be a form of teaching. Grounding and/or removing privileges do not address the problem, though they are much better than what happened, Degrading a child is abusive and only creates more problems, to say nothing of the fact that I think your husband used it as an excuse to get your daughter undressed for him. My opinion of how to handle this would have been to take her back to answer to the law for her behavior. With your loving support, she would have learned a much more powerful lesson. I think your husband should also answer to the law for his behavior.
2006-09-30 08:31:07 · answer #7 · answered by oldman 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was completely inappropriate for him to strip her at that age and to spank her, bare bottom or not. The fact that she was bare bottom makes it worse. She has been degraded and may be upset with you both for a long time. Did you do anything to stop him??? This incident might even push her the other way...her anger toward you may make her do bad things just because she needs an outlet to lash out. She's obviously not getting her frustrations out if she's not talking after several weeks. Talk to her, even if she doesn't talk back. At least she will hear what you have to say.
2006-09-30 08:18:33 · answer #8 · answered by when's my next vacation??? 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
communicate about it besides. And get used to it, she's a young person, this may in elementary words be the first of many awkward conversations you'd be having over the subsequent 7-8 years. yet please quit performing like you probably did some thing incorrect. You dealt with it the perfect way you knew how. If now it type of feels wierd, celebration and tell her that you both are sorry for the way issues grew to develop into out, yet that you aren't any further sorry for wanting to punish her circuitously. no count number what, be particular that both you and your hubby are on a similar web page with it. you'll not favor her to get the concept she will play one off the different now. and then detect a punishment that both you and your hubby can stay with.
2016-12-04 01:48:29 · answer #9 · answered by thorpe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is probably sulking and freaking out because dad saw her naked at that age and then to give her a spank? I think she is way too old for that kind of punishment. She is probably very embarrassed. I would think a good long grounding with no phone privileges and making her do more chores would have been more appropriate. If it were me I would have been mortified.
2006-09-30 08:26:16 · answer #10 · answered by sooz 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋