My husband took our 5 year old son to his soccer game this morning, while I stayed home with our 3 other kids. One is 7 with the chicken pox, another 2 and a 2 month old.
While my husand was at the game he called and mentioned that his parents were there at the game. Fine, great. They also went to his game just 3 night before. They usually don't do that. So I asked a very innocent question "Why are they there, again?" Wow! He got mad! Did I mention he's a momma's boy? So I told him - "All I did was ask a question..." When he came home, he ignored me, got himself some lunch and then left without saying a word. He was off to pick up his Dad to go to a football game. So I tried to call him, to ask "What's up with you just walking out, and not saying anything...?" He exploded and told me that since I was acting like a *****, he was going to be an ***. He then went on to say (scream) that he hopes our 3 boys never marry a ***** like their mom. What do I do now?? Why is he being a jerk?
2006-09-30 07:46:03 · 29 answers · asked by jt 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Obviously he was offended by the fact that you asked that question...
I suggest that you let him cool off and then ask him why exactly it made him so angry that you asked the question. Really listen to what he says, then when he is done, you can mention why you asked.
Also, you said that he's a mommas boy, so I'm sure...he knows you feel this way, and realises that you are aware of how much he loves his parents, and probably listens to them, especially his mother.
I think you need to be more understanding with him in this respect, i think that is also why he said the comment of not wanting someone like you for your boys.
Sometimes us women just ask something, which to us seems very simple, but it might have the ability to really hurt our partner since they know that there is usually an underlying cause for us mentioning it...i.e if you were ok and actually happy that his parents had gone to watch their grandson's game, then you might have said something like "I'm so happy that they are there, i wish they would go more often".
On the other hand, his calling you names, is not acceptable, and this is should not be tolerated by either of you...after you have talked to him about how he felt,...maybe even apologise...you should talk to him about the name calling.
Open communication is vital...I have learned that with my partner.
2006-09-30 08:01:49 · answer #1 · answered by Patience 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he's having an affair and it's coming out now by him attacking you. And using you asking a simple question as an excuse to make you feel guilty. You probably should have worded it different. Why not have his family over for dinner. Maybe he's upset that he thinks you don't spend any time with his parents. Or that you don't like them. So prove him wrong. Be more concerned about his parents and things that your husband is doing. Maybe he felt like you were being too negative. Is he a positive person? Next time just say something like "that's great that your parents are so supportive of the boys." He might be mad because you stay at home during the games, but he shouldn't be because you are taking care of your kids. So it shouldn't matter that you aren't there to see the game. Maybe there is something going on with him. Might not be an affair, but he might be dealing with something that he's not telling you about. just give him a day or two so he can cool off and then tell him you didn't mean to be so negative towards his parents. Tell him he also was disrespectful towards you by calling you names. And that he should appreciate you more than that. It sounds like he's more upset than just you asking the question. Hope it helps.
2006-09-30 07:52:57 · answer #2 · answered by Mel 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm married to a Mommas Boy also. He is so spoiled and selfish. When my husband gets snappy...which is a lot lately...it's usually because of something totally different than what set him off. Like his race car isn't running right or something is not right at work and I ask something innocently and he bites my head off. Try to figure out if there is something else bothering him or just let him steam for a while and bring up his childish behavior at a time when he is being sensible. When my husband is being a jerk I try to ignore him and do my best to not speak to him for any reason no matter what...but it isn't easy for me because I want to settle things right then and there. Then it starts a big fight. Any time I try to talk about something he did that upset me, then I'm considered to be "b*t**ing". I think the best thing to do is nothing right now...but don't kiss a**. Maybe it will make him see how he is acting and make him feel bad. They live for making us feel bad. I don't think you should pack up and leave. That is why divorce rate is so high...people get mad over little things and run out to get a divorce. I just think there is something else making him mad...not that you asked why his parents are there again. Men are very strange creatures. They expect women to be able to read thier minds. I'm probably not giving the best advice because I'm fighting with my husband now. I just know how you feel and I don't like people giving advice to leave and get a divorce. We don't know your whole story and just what you gave us isn't a reason for a divorce! If you figure out how to handle it...let me know.
2006-09-30 08:24:49 · answer #3 · answered by pickledtink 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
maybe he thinks you nag him all the time so asking about his parents (again) may have set him off. then again he may have some underlying issues going on. wait a bit and when you both calm down then sit his *** down and have a talk with him. ask him if he thinks you are such a bit#@ then why is he with you? couples go through sh#t all the time so don't leave him if he calls you a bi$#h one time but if he keeps verbally abusing you then he needs to go. something else is wrong could be you nag him about his parents all the time maybe you don't see it that way but he does. you mentioned he is a Mommy's by obviously you tell him that all the time so asking him about his parents being at his son's game may come off as if you are trying to imply something else. ignore things that don't concern your marriage and acknowledge the good things he does in the home good luck take care
2006-09-30 07:57:16 · answer #4 · answered by sexylousleo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When he said his parents were there you should not ask Why? you should be positive and say something like: "Oh that's wonderful. It's great that they're spending time with their
Asking "Why are they there again?" is very hurtful and rude.
You've obviously been treating his parents like crap in his eyes for a long time. You should change the way you talk about his parents. Every word is either a knife in the stomach or flowers. So far you are using knives.
2006-09-30 07:59:40 · answer #5 · answered by Mustafa 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until he calms down. If you feel agitated, find a way to blow off some steam. It sounds like your home bound so that might be a little tough. If you have someone you can call who will just listen without making things worse (some of or best friends love it when we have problems with our spouses), be careful who you choose. At any rate, let your spouse take the lead. When he is calm and ready to talk, let him know that you meant nothing by your question, it was totally innocent and in the future you would like better behavior from him for your sake and for the kids. To be an effective mother you must have the respect of their father. At any rate, until you talk with him don't torture yourself by rehashing the fight in your mind. You don't have to relive that. Just know that your husband loves you and in time he will calm down. Be good to yourself today baby!
2006-09-30 07:58:02 · answer #6 · answered by starmoishe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! In-law issues are always tough. I believe the bible says something about a man leaving his mother and a woman leaving her home... You'll never resolve this issue with him without counseling and then you still might not have a win/win. My question to you is what does he get from Mommy and Daddy that he doesn't get from you and is that appropriate for a grown man with a family? I was married to a guy like that. We finally divorced because I couldn't accept the pecking order. I hope you have better luck than I did.
2006-09-30 07:55:05 · answer #7 · answered by anon_y_muse 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is crazy. You didnt do anything wrong by asking a simple question. It's not that serious for him to be verbally disrespecting you. How could you let him do that? Don't act like you are sorry. He needs to know that he is acting like a child and either he will respect you as his wife, or you don't need to put up with that. IF he can call you a *****.. imaging what else he is capable of.
2006-09-30 07:50:04 · answer #8 · answered by Mel and Ed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A) do not yell. don't get offended-you probably did this. he's a clueless infant-which you spoiled. B) take a seat with him and clarify that he has to %. up some slack. tell him precisely what you like him to do, and initiate up with making his own breakfast. tell him you like his help, you're carrying his infant and you're actually not his maid-notwithstanding you have been up till on the instant. C) tell him what you're keen to do, mutually as he's snoozing, which isn't something. you may desire to be snoozing.till he needs you to lose your infant. Take him to the conventional practitioner bypass to next time so he will pay attention what the DR has to declare. D)do not lower back off All that reported, Do you artwork finished or section-time? If not, then arise and close up. Iron his shirts in the process the day, and lay on you backside something of the day and watch for your infant to return. He works finished time and allows you to take a seat homestead and function toddlers--you may desire to kiss his butt. it quite is what maximum women human beings dream of. evaluate each and every morning the type you additionally could make his existence extra desirable, extra handy, and extra easily run. evaluate you may desire to be doing all that, and having to artwork 40+ hours a week. be glad about what you have. you think of it quite is a discomfort,NOW, shop having toddlers with this guy. He desires to be thinking how he could make your existence extra desirable, too.yet he's not. you may desire to artwork that out NOW!
2016-10-18 06:27:42 · answer #9 · answered by avey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't have asked why they were there, because as grandparents, it's normal for them to want to go... BUT.........he is a loser, as*hol# jerk for treating you this way. He is verbally and emotionally abusive. He is immature and shows no ability to act normal. He doesn't deserve an ounce of respect, after acting that way. And yes, I agree with the person above who answered, I would show him this Q&A, print it off. And I would tell him that if he doesn't knock off his b/s behavior, you're gone. The courts are on YOUR side... the mom of the kids, and HE will be the one bumming out. Perhaps he will ENJOY paying hundreds of dollars in child support? And being alone?
2006-09-30 07:52:59 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋