Meddling mother-n-law, or am I over reacting?

Question

My husband had surgery a few days ago. His mother and her husband came to the hospital and waited with me. When the surgeon came to the waiting room, he asked for anyone who was with my husband, and my mother-n-law and I both raised our hands and he came over and knelt down in front of her (She was sitting against a wall caticornered to me). He talked to her the whole time about the surgery, what was to be expected and home care. He looked at me a couple of time, but focused his attention on her most of the conversation. I was dumbfounded that he was practically ignoring me, but I didn't want to be petty by saying "Hey I am his wife, can you talk to me?". She never said anything to him like "That is his wife right there. Maybe you should tell her." When we got in his room, she became a mother hen, helping him go to the bathroom, fluffing his bedding, and asking the nurse questions. I couldn't even open my mouth before she was asking something. I felt like an outsider. Opinions?

BLOODHOUND: As a matter of fact, I have 2 children, so I know all to well how it feels to be a mother. DUH!! Look at my picture, did you think that was me?

I simply don't like causing a scene and I felt that is what I would be doing if I said something at that point. I realize that is her "baby" but we hardly ever hear from her, unless it is something like this, and it is not like I am not capable of dealing with my own husband. We have been married for 4 years, he is 33 and I am 29, so I just feel that she should have at least given me the opportunity to be the responsible one for him, instead of all of a sudden acting like Mother Teresa, when the rest of the year she hardly see's us.

Answer 1

Call the doctor and tell him you're his wife and that you would like to know the condition of your husband.

It sounds like you need to assert yourself more. When he knelt in front of your mother-inlaw, you should have knelt beside him and said, "I'd like to hear the condition of my husband as well", instead of sitting off to the side watching him talk to your mother-inlaw.

Take charge of your life girl!! You're only giving power to your mother-inlaw. Take it back. It's yours, you don't have to ask for it from anyone.

Remember this: People only take as much power from you as you give to them.

Next time a situation like that arises, raise your hand and say very loudly and assertively, "I'm his wife."

Answer 2

you are not over re-acting. i understand. it wouldent have been wrong to tell that doctor that you were his wife and ask for some direct attention. however, please understand that his mom was scared and concerned as well. you can tell her how you feel as long as you are kind and considerate with your words. dont let things stew in side youraself because your husband will need you and you will not be of maximum service to him if you are harborong feelings that way. make sure to stand your ground but there is no reason why two concerned adults cant be helpfull to each other when thier primary purpose, taking care of your husband , is the same. however if your mother-in-law doesnt react well to you but you know you were as kind as you could be , then dont worry about her . you did your part and her feelings and reaction isnt your buisness. she can get over herself. he's your husband and once two people marry they become the most important people in each others life's. the mother is now a secondary priority . that sounds mean but it is true. no matter what you decide to do , remember that any ill feelings you develop must be dealt with or you wont function. dont be to hard on others and maintain your dignity. you are only in charge of how you behave and act not others. you will do well if you apply these concepts and suggestions. i promise. good luck and i hope your husband recouperates well. aj

Answer 3

You may be his wife, but he's her baby. Mother in laws are supposed to meddle when the husband has a problem, and this is a huge problem.

Would you act any different if your child was in a hospital and his girlfriend tried to pop in? That's how mum sees it.

Of course, the doctor was rather rude to not talk to you at all. Hopefully you heard everything, but I'd go talk to the doctor in private some time, because his bedside manner is killing you, and a little recognition from the professionals will go a long way in making your mother in law seem less meddling.

Answer 4

She's way out of line but I understand how you can't make this about you right now because your husband is recovering. Ask yourself this, do you want to care for him? Do you want to wash him, change him, feed him etc...? If not then the mother will take over. If you do then get in there and just take charge. Tell her thank you but you're more than able to take care of him yourself.

Answer 5

I would have walked over to where she was sitting and tapped whoever was talking to her on the shoulder and say sweetly I know she is his mother but I am his wife and need to hear about my husband! that would have done the trick and I do not think you would have been petty-some MOMS never let go of their baby boys-believe me I know!

Answer 6

Look on the bright side. The doctor must of thought that you were too young to be the patients wife.
Also, you should know that mothers always want to baby their children, no matter how old they are.
Take advantage to the situation and enjoy the show.

Answer 7

It was your place to speak up to the doctor, in the waiting room.
Comforts that your MIL did for her son, sounds appropriate, in the hospital room.
Try to build a good relationship with your husband's mother. This can only lead to good things in your lives.
Good Luck.

Answer 8

sounds like everybody loves raymond Lol well you have to speak up. when all is done tell her how you really feel. let her know you are is wife and you would like to have more say in the well being of your husband. let her know you will consult her if you need the advice. she is his mom and she feels like she knows him best so she is just being motherly. but motherly can become a disaster if you don't speak up now! good luck

Answer 9

i don't prefer to return off as impolite yet, you probably did point out marriage after the pending divorce. would desire to or not it rather is that your destiny mom in regulation would have some strife against you because of the fact her son did not wait until eventually he became into divorced to commence relationship? i understand each and every kin has their very own circumstances yet, the way it rather is written seems that way. on the different hand, if it rather is an prolonged out dated pending divorce and the destiny mom in regulation has been around for awhile..would desire to I recommend inviting her over for dinner rather. the place your baby is interior the ecosystem she is maximum familiar with. ADHD toddlers tend to be set off off whilst presented to stimulating ecosystem. Your mom in regulation would would desire to realize besides that it rather is new on your baby additionally. Your daughter would in simple terms not understand the thank you to react to her new life. undergo in recommendations she continues to be your fiance's mom and could be respected. yet, you would be first in his life quickly not her. She would desire to study to grant you an identical..this would initiate by potential of having her by potential of on your place so as that the regulations are already ordinary on your earnings.

Answer 10

dont blame her.you should of said something your self.you are the wife . and from how it sounds you must not have ant children.i have 6 grown childern and 9 grandchildren and you can belive im going to be a mother hen when any of them are sick much less just coming out of surgery. its up to you to stand up for your self.dont blame a mom for being a mom. thats what we do.........