My husband of 24yrs, has cheated on me before, then when I get fed up and want out, He says I'm the best thing that ever happened to him and I've been so understanding, He loves me, etc..., Well I've had my suspicions hes at it again. Some girl he knew 20 years ago, she's going thru a tough time, getting a divorce, addicted to pain pills, alcohol, and gambling. They have been calling eachother and text messaging. I told him if they are just friends, she should call the house, He told me he wouldn't call her anymore, he doesn't want problems with us. But I found out he has and has erased the calls. I get the other women calling me, asking me how I could come up with such lies, he's a great guy, she denies any calls, but I have the phone bill. He swore on our children nothings going on. I don't want to make something out of this if there is nothing, But I'm torn.
2006-09-30 07:24:16 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You can't let him keep on abusing you like that. He's obviously lying, what's to stop him from cheating anyway? All he had to do the first time was give you some sweet talk and you took him back.
I know that sounds harsh but it's what you need to hear. I went through this sh*t with my ex. He would always sweet talk me and I always bought it until I came to my senses and grew a backbone. You shouldn't be with that *** anymore.
2006-09-30 07:27:21 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's sad when couples can't trust eachother because i believe that is one of the fundamentals a relationship is built upon. i remember when i used to think..."i would never stay with a man who would cheat" but as time goes on, one has to think about the ramifications of just leaving. i am married to a wonderful man who i trust completely. thank God for that. but if for some reason i thought he was cheating, and i confront him, i'd hope that he'd respect me enough to tell me the truth.
i've heard over the years to always go with your women's intuitions. it's usually never wrong. you must be going through such a hard time. not only for you but also the children. i know you want to make the right decision, but you have to ask yourself, if it's worth staying with a man you are unable to trust. even if the so called friendship is "nothing", there's still something wrong because you are having doubts about his sincerity. 24 years is a long time. there are memories and the shared joys and heartaches, but is it worth it to YOU. only you can decide the outcome of how you go about this. whether or not your husband cheating is besides the point. it's whether or not you trust him. i would sit him down, tell him how you feel. communication...i dont care how long you've been married and "know" eachother, is the key to have a lasting relationship. we are not mind readers. so tell him how you feel. tell him... i am the mother of your children, i have been your partner for the last 24 years and have forgiven you of your past discretions. i am having doubts of what youre telling me about your friend, so if im in the wrong for feeling this way, then you need to do something different so that i can stop thinking this way. i want to belive you. if she's having a really hard time, then invite her to dinner with the family and we can ALL be there for her. it's just not "okay for a married man to "help" out a woman friend alone. especially one i dont even have a relationship with. help me to trust you because i love you and have always loved you. respect me and my place as your wife.
see what he says...how he reacts and then take it from there. good luck to you and your family.
2006-09-30 08:18:57 · answer #2 · answered by life beyond yur wildest dreams 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bite the bullet and ignore the cat-and-mouse games he plays with other women. He's in the HABIT of cheating and lying about it -- but if you "start over again" alone you'll be falling off a cliff and sorry you did it, believe me.
Your children are more important. Don't throw away the 24 years of work you've done.
Take care of your health. That way you will pick up all the marbles when he gets old and sick.
2006-09-30 07:32:59 · answer #3 · answered by urbancoyote 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's your problem? Can't make a decision? Do you enjoy the drama, does it give you something to do to get through the day? And the "He says...." Do you not read the questions from the hundreds of other women here?
I hope your "children" are grown and out of the home. If not, they are the ones paying the price for being born to these two parents.
Oh, and men don't change. And they lie when they know they have a needy, dependent woman to wash, clean and cook.
2006-09-30 07:31:59 · answer #4 · answered by ALWAYS GOTTA KNOW 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seems like he is having a mid-life crisis. Give him some space. You cannot monitor him 24 hours a day anyway, and if you don't trust him, there is no relationship to build on. If he does want to leave, you can't prevent him.
You have already forgiven him once for cheating. Chances are that he has done it since (without you finding out) and will do it again. Just from a purely statistical point of view.
2006-09-30 07:32:38 · answer #5 · answered by Ivan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If there is no trust in the marriage anymore then you need to think about what you need to do. If you are running around trying to find something on your husband, that's not a marriage. But if you are willing to stick with it then lay down some ground rules and if he keeps disrespecting your wishes then its time to go. One thing about a marriage, don't walk out because you are mad at the moment, but when you know you had enough and you can't take it anymore.
2006-09-30 07:31:00 · answer #6 · answered by Brezzy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you already have your answer. I've been through similar situations. If he is deleting the calls its a clear indication that he is keeping it from you and lying. And if she denies the calls and you have the bills.. then they are lying together. This is not a good situation and it seems like you have a man that can't change his ways. Its unfortunate because you have children..I know it makes it harder but god forbid he brings a disease home to you. Be strong, clear your mind, and think about what you need to do. It's obvious he can't change.. he might love you in his own ways.. but he is not in love with you. I will keep you in my prayers - be strong.
2006-09-30 07:29:55 · answer #7 · answered by Mel and Ed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there is nothing going on why is he sneaking around about it? Tell him that lying is just as hurtful as cheating and he is making a mockery of your commitment by doing even that, whether or not there is more going on. You may be hyper-suspicious because he has broken your trust before and so he wants to avoid conflict by lying- even if he is innocent of anything more. But, you need to make sure he knows that you are trying to trust him and work on things and you cannot do that when he behaves this way.
2006-09-30 07:29:08 · answer #8 · answered by Aloe-ish-us 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Apparently he has had you fooled for a long time.
You are just waking up. He must hand over his cell phone and let you track his cell phone calls online. Purchase another phone Just like your original handset , turn off the ringer, and hide it from him. The caller ID on the hidden handset will show all calls without him knowing.
Are you absolutely positive he is not seeing her? Try following him during his lunch hours for a few days.
Confront him if you have evidence. Threaten divorce.
"He doesn't want problems with us." Hmmm, sounds like he has problems that he doesn't want.
2006-09-30 08:25:02 · answer #9 · answered by lofolulu 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are putting up with way more than most ppl would. Its going to ruin you if you dont just get out of this relationship. It shouldnt be acceptable for any woman calling him or texting him. It only leads to trouble.
If I were you, Id leave and Id stay gone. You dont deserve this. You can live a much happier life. Get the hell away from him.
2006-09-30 07:32:50 · answer #10 · answered by ~~ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋