What do you do when you find out that not only is your husband cheating but also lying about it.?

Answer 1

Well of course he's lying about cheating, he can't very well be open with his WIFE about his whore right!!! (;

Seriously though, okay you know about the jump off, now what. Let him know you know. Find out ( if he's ready to own up to his faults) why he's doing this to your relationship. What made him stray, and be prepared to have your feelings hurt by his reponse. Just be honest w/yourself as far as you or some of your actions being a contributing factor to his cheating. I'm not saying that there is one good reason on God's green earth for cheating...not saying that AT ALL, but what I am saying is men do these things for there own reasons. So what you need to know is: What is his reason, and do you feel that the marriage is worth the BIG EFFORT it takes to over come infidelity.

I'll say this, my marriage has gon thru it, in the begining I couldn't eat, sleep, have GOOD sex w/my husband because I always had this whore on my mind. But my husband was sent away to jail for a year and then we had more BS come our way in relation to the whore and that BS made us stronger as a couple, we re-committed our lives to God, and are so strong because of it. I still have days when it hurts, but I love my husband more than anything, and we found an anchor for our relationship. See if you don't have a anchor every little wave in the ocean will be able to move your marriage to and fro ( yes I meant fro, it's biblical).

I hope I've helped you. God bless you and your husband.

Answer 2

I'm sorry for your problem there is nothing worse than being cheated on and them being lied to as well. If you have been married a long time and you love him try and find out why he is cheating all of a sudden. Or has he cheated before, or have you felt that he's cheated before. Something has to really have changed for a husband to cheat all of a sudden. Financially are you able to separate, do you have somewhere to go,. If you really love him you are going to have to be tough with him on this problem and make a stand, or he won't stop especially if he's lying about it. If he's lying about he probably still loves you... so this is what I would do. I would ask him to leave and tell him he can only come back once you've both had counselling. If he loves you he'll do it, if not you really shouldn't live like this it's just to hard on the nerves. Be very strong and tell him up front (with out yelling) that you don't believe him. If you have definate proof give it to him so he stops lying and get him out, or you leave.Or if you want to stay married, get counselling. Everyone makes mistakes in life, if you can forgive him (really forgive and forget) do this. Good luck, my heart really goes out to you, I've been there and it' horrible but your marriage can be saved if that's what you really want to do.

Answer 3

Is he done with the affair? Or is he still at it? If he wont admit it then there is not much that you can do. You may want to "catch" the two of them together and then he cannot lie. Do you know for sure he is cheating? If he is done with the affair then only you know if you want to stay with him or leave. Use your own brains for this and don't be influenced by others on what they would do. Only listen to those that have been in your situation if you are going to listen to anyone. Right now you feel betrayed. You trust is gone. You need to know that if you do not leave him and you want to forgive him and take him back that you will find it a long long while before you can ever trust him again. When he is 5 minutes late coming home, you will jump to conclusions about why he is late. Just know that that is the type of stress you will live with if you don't leave him. Most of all you have to be sure whether he is really cheating.

Answer 4

Hi, been there myself recently, most people I guess would say to walk away. I have come close to that myself, it's so so hard to believe anything he says any more. I used to be everything to him and he might have thrown it all away for one night with a 17 year old!. It's probably the lying more than the affair that destroys a woman's trust, and I don't know you both so I can't comment, but I can tell you that I'm only trying to work it out because God has promised that things will get better. I also found a website and book by this guy who has lots of experience in helping couples like us, I'll give you the link. It's ok to cry out to god even if you aren't a believer.
I thought I was going mad, because the evidence was right in front of our eyes but he still denied it. Don't let him lie to you any more, just laugh at him. If he throws you away then it's his loss. Stay strong.

Answer 5

First, I have to question how you found out that he was cheating? Because you can't always believe what you see, and hear, and especially from everyone. For example, if you heard this from his guy friend, then he might have a reason to tell you because he likes you, and may want to go out with you, after you dump his friend. If you heard it from your friend, they might be more believable, and have less reasons to sabotage your relationship, but not necessarily none. For example, if this was your friend, that you used to go out with all the time, but now don't because you spend more time with your husband, he/she might be jealous of you not spending time with them. If you found a lipstick or panties in his car's glove compartment, you could have a reason to be suspicious, and he could have cheated, but also, he could have a girl friend, that likes him, doesn't care too much about you, and maybe placed that lipstick in his glove compartment on purpose to make you jealous, make you think he is cheating, and hope to separate you.
You also have to consider his personality. Is he the "cheating type"? If yes, he probably is cheating, and you are better off without him. If not, give him the benefit of a doubt.
All I am saying is consider the person who told you this, consider their reasons, and the evidence that is presented to you, if there is any. And be objective!!! This is very important, and the only way you can be true to yourself, to him, and to your relationship.
Too many people make decisions based on their emotions at that moment, and don't consider all the facts.
A marriage will never last based on emotions alone.
If there is no solid evidence, then follow him yourself, or better - hire a private investigator to spy on him, or call that "cheaters" show. If he is guilty, you have very important decisions to make. If he is the "cheating type", you are better off without him. If he made a mistake one time, it is possible to reconcile. Everyone makes mistakes, and no one is perfect. This happens to be a very BIG mistake!!!
If you file for divorce after that, make him pay for the private investigator, and other charges you incur as a result of your suspicions and/or evidence.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Well first thing is first. Do you have solid evidence to support your thoughts and feelings that he is cheating?

If so then your best bet is not to destroy yourself any longer. hanging onto hope is not going to solve anything. When you both said your vows, may I be rude and ask did the sentence 'till death do us apart' crop up.

I'm not saying that cheating is acceptable but is your marriage worth throwing away?

If you do have serious reasons to believe so and he continues to deny it then I personally believe it could be down to 2 reasons

1: he can't believe he has been caught out and feels like an utter b*****d and is delaying the situation to call off the affair before he comes clean to you and show nothing but remorse

2: He can't bear to hurt you. if one does no longer love the other it still pains them and it is purely out off guilt that they are still around.

Whatever the reasons you need to sit him down and ask him is the marriage worth fighting for? unless the balls are in your court and you have already given up on the marriage.

Whatever the outcome I wish you work out your marital problems and move forward. Don't let it brew any longer because the longer you delay the dilemma the more hurtful it will be.

Answer 7

Set him up. But first forward his cell calls to your house #, then tell him you are going to be somewhere and in a cheap rented car follow him. seeing it with your own eyes is the only way you will be sure of 2 things. 1. he's cheating and 2. you now have a choice to make.

Answer 8

Get your business affairs in order, take all the money out of the joint accounts etc. make sure you have everything taken care of, including getting yourself the best lawyer available. Make sure your girlfriends are available to support you through this difficult time. Then when you are all set up and ready, confront him and follow your lawyers advice on how to deal with him. If there are kids, make sure they are not present when you do this. the kids should not be involved and should not have to suffer for the mistakes of the adults.

Answer 9

Well - ask him to stop (both cheating and lying) or leave him. Write a mind map of what the consequences of either road would be - list the pros and cons and make your decision. Best of luck my love.

Answer 10

I think if you know the truth tell him confront the issue to him why sit back .I went through this believe me its not easy to deal with and hurts big time ..be true to you and deal with this before it makes you eat away at the insides then go from there but get it out say everything in the open ..it will hurt but the best thing you can do for your future with or with out him