I love my husbnd very much, but he's not the man I thought he was. We live at his mom and grandma's house (his parents are divorced) and we have a 9 month old baby girl. He has a 2006 corvette that is $1,000 a month, but he doesn't pay for ANYTHING because he doesn't have a job. I hate it and can't stand it anymore. we've been together for 2 years and I've had it! I'm working, even when I was pregant I was the one working. Now he's getting use to watching the baby and the dog and I'm the one going to work and I don't want it. I got diganosed with lupus a couple of months ago and was put on pills. I've gained weight, but people say I have a pretty face, I just don't wanna be alone forever. I want a father for my daughter. I don't know what to do. HELP?should I give my hubby another try or leave?
2006-09-30 06:36:10 · 28 answers · asked by jojo 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Fight for your marriage. It's worth it. Your daughter's wonderful privilege of having a biological dad who loves her is priceless. You can't replace that with anything or anyone. You love him. Stay with him. There are always problems in any marriage--many problems. You might as well work on your particular set rather than to choose a new set, which might, by the way, be worse that what you already have.
2006-09-30 08:07:51 · answer #1 · answered by delmaanna67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've already hung around long enough.....leave him. It is the right thing do to. Maybe a seperation will have him realizing he messed up with you. There's no way you should be the only one working and paying $1,000 for a corvette.....that's not even a vehicle all of your family can fit in!! When you have your life on track, and your own place, and you both are contributing to where you both feel happy, and you're financially secure then it's within reason to go buy a sports car to show off. It sounds as if your husband is still immature and definitely insensitive to the situation surrounding your life. Please don't waste anymore time hoping that he changes....you've had a baby and nothing has changed...he's going to ride this out for as long as you allow it. You're also ill now and he should care even more than ever that you're the only one working while he stays home....You can do it and you won't be alone forever. You'll find someone who loves you for you, who respects you and helps you, someone who knows what a partnership is...it's definitely NOT a one-way street like your husband thinks.....There's always hope for our futures, it's just that we need to keep our faith and be strong and patient. When the right one comes along, you'll know, and you'll realize just how much your husband didn't really love you. I wish you the very best!! Best of luck to you and your baby and your new future. :)
2006-09-30 06:47:47 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mentioned you were afraid to leave him. Is he violent with you? If he is you should leave, but you must make a plan first.
Since he is the one at home all the time this could be difficult, but think of ways to pack some basics you and your baby will need, contact a womens shelter and ask them if they have any plans for a move and tell them any fears you may have. Now if he's not violent, just lazy...you need to start an open dialogue with him.Lupus is a serious illmess and if you get to tired or run down you can end up with a flare up, also the medication your on is most likely a steroid that's why youv'e gained wieght. So you need to have your doctor explain to your husband just what lupus is. Do you still love him? And have you been honest with him about your feelings, men are different from women they don't think things are going wrong, he could be thinking that he's pulling his weight by watching the baby and supplying a roof over your head. If he isn't violent and you can still talk TALK, Tell him you need help and explain to him that you can't continure to live this way. But whatever your choice is think it through, make a plan, contact your local womens shelter and ask them for quidence they have so many good ideas and can offer counselling for you and your husband or a safe way to leave with your baby. My heart goes out to you. But if you still love him be honest with him. Good luck.
2006-09-30 06:52:59 · answer #3 · answered by Pearl N 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your Husband likes toys but neither you nor your baby are toys he has a 06 car with no job which means you have to be paying the car note or his mom so hes on easy street he gets to have a car that only seats two but he has a family your Husband needs to grow up and get a JOB to support his family or to help you make ends meet and above all pay his own dam car note his mom and grandma can help watch the baby if he isnt willing to get a job to help you provide for both you and your child then yes you do need to move on because what good is having him around if all he does is watch the baby and the dog but he isnt bringing a check into the house like a real man does.
2006-09-30 07:01:35 · answer #4 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion you should probably leave.. I have been there with small children, an alcoholic, abusive-cheating husband. Its not an easy decision to make. Before you make any decisions.. Make sure u surround yourself with supportive people... Family, friends, coworkers, etc... It sounds as though u are giving 100%, relationships should be 50/50.. If your husband is abusive to you physcially, mentally, verbally contact your local YWCA-they offer great support to spouses who have been or are being abused. They can help guide you thru this & help you & your baby get out of this situation. Make sure you also clue in a close friend/family member so they can help you out. The folks that I found that were most supportive to me were the ones who gave their opinions, however they stood by me no matter what I chose to do.. Keep your head up & do a little planning before you leave.. This will make things a bit easier in the long run. Good luck to you & I hope all works out for you!
2006-09-30 06:57:45 · answer #5 · answered by Kammaka2 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men like that never change. I was in the same situation seven years ago. I kept on giving my ex a chance and he never would find a job even with a kid he just dindt care. Men like that are worthless honey and you deserve a lot better! I left my ex and now I have a hard working man who loves me. The first home we moved into was purchased. (My ex had me living with his parents also and he also would cheat on me) My husband that I am with now and I have accumulated a little wealth, rented houses, cars, vacations and we got married in Hawaii we are even moving into a nice beach condo all of these things would of never been possible with my lazy ex. Who by the way ended up marrying another girl whom he has three kids with! and he still doesnt work or gets his s h i t togheter! I am so glad I left his lazy a s s and am now having a much better life with the man I love. Leave him honey you deserve so much better.
2006-09-30 07:30:56 · answer #6 · answered by Queen Kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow,2006 corvette...a woman that goes work,he has a home,he has something to eat...so he won´t bother changing anything cause as I see he enjoys staying home...well gues what for that 1000$ that you pay for his car...you could rent a nice appartment for you and your daughter,you would find someone to take care of her while you are at work,and your life would start changing...it is not really such a disaster to grow up your daughter on your own,and sooner or later you will find a men,that likes and loves you for what you are.and that can handle responsabilities.
although there would be the other way,to give him another chance BUT that only if he agrees going to work and help you out with all that...if not,then IT IS TIME TO RUUUUUN!!!!
2006-09-30 06:46:36 · answer #7 · answered by donatella 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The first thing that stuck out to me about your problem is that you said: ''Even in the begining I was the one working''. In the begining you allowed a man into your life that already showed you he wasn't a provider. What made you think marriage would change that Dear? He married you for security is what it seems. And now your living in a house that isn't even your own! That's crazy. My Dear you should have never married this man, much less had a child w/him. You settled for far less that what you deserve.
Instead of thinking about how to make money, he's at home painting his dayum nails, and your out working. Now it's nothing wrong w/ a woman working, that excellent, but when a woman marries a man one thing she should consider is this: Can this man do for me at least what my Father has done? If you had no father in your life as a child, then you must say to yourself: Can this man do for me at least what I can already do. Honey that's not being materialistic either, it's biblical.
God told Adam: You will eat by the sweat of your brow. God told Eve, your desire will be to your husband. Notice that God never spoke to Adamn about sex, that because he wasn't to be concerned w/ sex, he was to concern himself w/WORKING. And notice God never spoke to Eve about work, she was to DESIRE HER HUSBAND. Meaning she shouldn't be thinking about money, she should be thinking about how to please her husband in everyway.
Now you have a child to consider. Fact is your husband needs to get up off his ask and get a dayum job, and get his family a home of there own, be it buy or rental.
Just a thought, since he doesn't work, who the hell paying that car note?? Lawd...don't say you are!!!! ):
2006-09-30 07:45:55 · answer #8 · answered by NURSING FOR LIFE!! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Whose name is that car in? If it is in your name, sell the car.
2. Can you move in with your parents? Are they supportive and loving? Can they watch your daughter while you are at work?
3. Never stay with someone just because you don't want to be alone. With your problems with lupus and your very responsible attitude, life will be easier on your own.
2006-09-30 06:58:13 · answer #9 · answered by gg 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, I would sit him down and tell him that you two need to talk. Let him know how you feel using "I feel..." statements. If you start by telling him that "You make me feel this..." he's going to get defensive and you won't get anywhere with him. But using "I feel..." statements are more often effective. Ask him to please hear you out until you're done without interrupting, and let him know that if he has something to say afterwards that you'll listen to him without interruption just as he did for you. Tell him that you want to talk about your relationship, and you want to do it maturely so that you don't end up in a fight, because that's the last thing you want to have happen.
Then, I'd let him know that you're getting to the end of your rope, and as much as you love him, he needs to put just as much time, effort, and energy into this relationship as you have been. If he wants to keep such an expensive car, then he needs to work to pay for it. Tell him that you two have a child now, and the money really needs to go to that child, especially if you're the only one working. Tell him that you want to be living on your own and not with his family, and that it's nothing against his family, but if you two are really trying to make your OWN family work that you want to feel like you're stable enough to be living on your own. Also tell him that you don't want to lose the relationship with him, but that if things don't change drastically for the better you may have no other choice FOR YOUR OWN MENTAL & PHYSICAL HEALTH. Let him know exactly what's on your mind, but without making him feel like he's being cornered, do you know what I mean?
My boyfriend and I got to that point after being together for 2 years. We have a son together, and we had that talk, and it helped him to better understand where I was coming from. Yes, we did break up, but because we had talked and there was no element of surprise to the break up, we did it on good terms stating that we were just in 2 different places and we needed to get our own lives together. He didn't realize everything that he really needed to do until we weren't together and I wasn't taking care of him anymore. Since then, he has come leaps & bounds with himself, and while not all men are alike, he and I have very happily gotten back together! Now he is wonderful and pulls his own weight! He's even making more than I am and has benefits at his job and pays for all his own stuff!
I can't give any guarantee that what ended up working quite well for my love and myself would work for you, but if you talk with your hubby and things DON'T change, stick to your guns and follow-through with whatever you threaten. If you threaten to leave, and things don't get better, then LEAVE, because if you don't he'll assume that he can walk all over you and treat you like that because "you're not standing up for yourself".
I hope this helps you!
2006-09-30 06:55:29 · answer #10 · answered by Lesley 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋