The first time we met we both knew. There was just something special between us. We are so drawn to each other. I honestly feel that it was love at first sight. My marriage has been very unhappy. My husband has cheated on me several times and he lies a lot. I have only stayed with him because of financial reasons and because of my children. We have been married for 8 years and I am afraid to leave him. I guess I am just afraid of change. I don't like sneaking around though. I never thought I would be a cheater. Where do I go from here? Should I give this new relationship some time to see what happens or should I leave my husband now?
2006-09-30 04:58:10 · 30 answers · asked by Suzieq4855 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
cheat on him with the friend, keep it low key. and make sure you are never followed,,
2006-09-30 05:09:16 · answer #1 · answered by rich2481 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know for a fact that even with counseling your marriage cannot be salvaged, then I would suggest leaving your husband and getting a divorce. However, I strongly suggest you do not run into the arms of your husband's friend. The relationship is built on lies and deceit like some of the other answerers have said.
Do you really want a marriage or a long-term relationship with a man who was having an adulterous affair with his friend's wife? What does that say about his character? How much of a chance of success do you think a marriage between two cheaters has? Also, what kind of example would you be setting for your children? And if he cheated WITH you do you seriously think you are so special to him that he will not cheat ON you? If you do, you are kidding yourself.
My recommendation is some serious soul-searching and family counseling to help you sort out this mess.
I really wish you the best...
2006-09-30 05:38:23 · answer #2 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You totally need to search your heart and soul and remember how things were when u first met your husband. Talk with him and tell him exactly how u feel- NOT about his friend though! Its never good to stay in a loveless marriage but before u leave definetely make sure u have a game plan for where u will live- bills- jobs- and if u have kids- remember they depend on your for everything in life including love and security! Take thingsd very slowly and dont jump into anything phjysical with this other man! It could totally just be a wild thing for him and then later your heart and marriage r both broken! Your alrady having an emotional affair with the man because your mind-thoughts- and feelings have been reserved for him! Sometimes an emotionasl affair can even be worse! Remember the good things about your hubby and if u still see the love has been lost and destroyed my his actions- then make a game plan on leaving him. But dont start a physical affair until u have left him. Good luck to you and if this is meant to be with this other man- it will all work out for the both of u! Good luck to u. SEARCH your heart carefully!
2006-09-30 05:06:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you should do is decide just how important your relationship is to you. You should never stay in a relationship that makes you unhappy. You only live one life and you should live it to the fullest. I understand that you have kids and you want the best for them, but you cant start doing whats right for them until you do whats right for you. Your kids will understand you trying to be happy. As for the sneaking around that is bad in a lot of ways. Eventually everbody is going to find out, and it would be much better if you let your husband know rather then him find out on his own. Maybe the two of you have the same thoughts. If he has cheated on you all ready, I hate to say it but maybe he is only staying in the relationship for the kids. It will suck at first but it will be a big load off your chest letting him know how you feel. And as far as finance, there is a lot of Financial aid for a single mother. Anyways I hope this helps you out at least a little bit. No matter what you choose to do, you need to be happy in the end. Good Luck :)
2006-09-30 05:22:26 · answer #4 · answered by liddleman101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your not happy in your marriage, then leave. Don't cheat. It will only bring you guilt beyond belief. You'll never forgive yourself, no matter if your husband is good or bad. When you cheat. you lower your standards of the person you really are. Don't pursue a relationship with anyone else until you have separated. You may find out this guy is not who you really want in your life, so be prepared. Your not happy in your marriage now, so anyone looks better than what you have. Take it slow, don't move too fast. Think all of this over before you react. Best of luck to you.
2006-09-30 06:31:00 · answer #5 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Even if he cheated, it's still wrong for you to do the same. I know what it's like to be cheated on, so I won't judge you. I'll just say think about your kids. Be a model for them...Dad may have done the absolute wrong thing, but don't let mom be wrong too. Would you ever want your kids to be in this same sitch? If they are, they could say, "I learned it from my parents." Having said that, I understand the temptation...Really.
Leave clean (or rather end it now and wrap up things at home one way or another) and THEN start something new. Or leave and be on your own for a while. Relationships are hard enough, as you know. Don't get started on the wrong foot ... with the baggage of being cheated on, being on the rebound, being with hubby's friend, and on and on.
Plus, if he'll cheat with you, he'll cheat on you. And honestly, same goes for you. You know what they say karma is. Hope you don't think I'm one too. But this is one of the HUGEST things you can do. Your choice to do it the right way or the wrong way.
I'm praying for you and yours.
2006-09-30 05:07:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should leave your husband....dont cheat on him,,2 wrongs dont make a right. If you want to be with someone else leave your hubby before you go any further. If he has cheated on you in the past i dont know why you would stay with him to begin with. The kids thing is getting old as an excuse. Go get 3 jobs if you have to,to make it on your own with your kids. Change can also be a good thing yanno?? Why stay in an unhappy marriage,when you got your whole life to live?
2006-09-30 05:03:24 · answer #7 · answered by michelle 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are unhappy in your marriage and there is NO chance of repairing it...then yes leave...to be on your own! Not to go running off with the new guy.
You need to have some time on your own so that you can be sure that this new found love is not just a case of rebound. Take sometime and be sure that what you are doing is what you truly feel is right
best of luck
2006-09-30 05:08:21 · answer #8 · answered by oldman 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think love is something that does not stay for long but i would still suggest that stick to your husband what if you marry your husband's friend and after marriage he turn out to be like your husband aswell or worse then him then you will be in more difficult situation then you are in right now. And do not forget to increase your love with your husband if you want more love from your husband then you will have to be more open and more sexy to him and i am sure you will forget his friend and start living a better life again. The choice is your's.
2006-09-30 05:15:14 · answer #9 · answered by Dino 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to understand that you are not just betraying your husband but he is also going to lose his friend. Two wrongs do not make a right. What is done is done though. You need to tell your husband and start living your life as a single woman. Get out of the house you two are together with and learn how to support yourself. If the other man really loves you he will wait. Moving on with another relationship, because your not happy with the one your in will not solve your problems because he is also betraying his friend. Learn how to support yourself without a man.
2006-09-30 05:36:07 · answer #10 · answered by luvlisteningtomusic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To begin with your husbands friends isn't much of a friend seeing you behind your husbands back. And you said your husband cheated a lot so what do you call what this guy and you are doing? If this guys willing to be with you knowing your married then whats to stop him down the road from sleeping around himself when the excitement in his and your relationship runs thin. It's something to think about.
2006-09-30 05:27:16 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋