I have been happly married for 4 yrs. I have an ex (who lives 1000 miles away) that is also married. We have been talking alot recently and he wants to hook up when I come to town. I have been in love with this man for 13 yrs. We both understand that we both have a lot to lose (we both have a child w/ our spouse) if we do it and get caught. My heart thinks that I should do it because if I don't I might regret not doing it. My head doesn't want to ruin my marriage. I cheated on every BF I have ever had with this man but vowed not to do this to my husband. I have stayed away from the ex for 5 yrs so nothing would happen. Now I am torn about what to do. My logic is - what can it hurt if we are careful and don't get caught. Should I follow my heart or my head?
2006-09-30 04:52:40 · 39 answers · asked by Jay 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It seems me yur in hurry. Pl give SPACE to yurself and follow what yur mind says.
2006-09-30 04:59:18 · answer #1 · answered by Rohit 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, it is just a desire that alot of us DIVORCED people have delt with. I was married for 15 years and my spouse thought I would never find out. Well, his last endeavor...I found out and hence found out about all the other ones too with a few ex's included. The reasons for marriage is the commitment of two people to be bound together be trust and faith,honesty and that there will no man put assunder. No man or woman should be worth ruining something so precious as a marriage. If your desires are not met at home then you need to talk to your spouse. Your ex is an ex for a reason whether in marriage or in bf or gf state.Maybe you should re evaluate what your marriage was for. Real love or convenience? I am sorry to say this but you would be making a grave mistake. You could end up losing on both ends.
2006-09-30 05:05:25 · answer #2 · answered by Bella 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Go with your head on this one. Losing your hubby is definitely not worth any risk!
13 years! Great job! Marriage takes a lot of work.
Don't throw that away!
What can it hurt if you are careful and don't get caught? Good question. Actually, it can hurt the marriage. Let's just pretend that this ex is awesome in bed and the time it takes is, in your mind, well worth it. How can you possibly think that you can keep this from your hubby? He will be suspicious, unless he is "less than intelligent" or doesn't know you at all.
I know that you will do what you want to do BUT use your head! Why would you want to hurt this guy that you "are in love with"? POTENTIALLY.
You and your ex split for a reason, what was that reason?
2006-09-30 05:22:33 · answer #3 · answered by Colleen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You mean follow your vagina's will.... clearly you know that you will lose self- respect afterwards, since you made that vow to yourself never to cheat on your husband. You know what is so terrible when you marry someone and that person cheats on you? You marry someone, because you think they are better than you and therefore you cherish that person so much. The disappointment will absolutely devastate your husband... he will lose respect towards you... and he will find out, if he is connected to you..... you will give it away somehow, because apparently you have some kind of conscience- otherwise you wouldn't be asking us strangers here about this predicament you think you are in. When you have a child- acting on lust is not a very intelligent move. It will change everything.... because your priorities are not aligned..... the consequence of infidelity is always chaos. Maybe this is the time to think about getting a divorce first... because if you don't love your husband enough to not even think about it... clearly you are being dishonest. .... that way you will keep your vow never to cheat on your husband, because then you guys wouldn't be married anymore. That way, you are not doing it for the wrong reasons... which could be: lust, having the power over revealing secret or keeping secret- playing with fire... etc, etc, etc.
2006-09-30 05:13:35 · answer #4 · answered by justmemimi 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may have some unresolved issues IN YOUR MARRIAGE or you wouldn't consider cheating to find happiness.
You will NEVER get these issues resolved by going outside of the marriage. Instead you will only end up creating new ones & make your situation even more complicated than it is.
You say you have been "Happily married for 4 yrs" but that doesn't jive with your desire to go & cheat with an ex.
If you are truly happy, then why would you want to put that at risk in such an extreme way?
So which is it, are you truly happy, or are you just kidding yourself?
I suggest that you follow your HEAD! It seems your HEART may want the cake & eat it too!
2006-09-30 05:07:06 · answer #5 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When we are trying to justify our reasons for cheating dumb reasons may sound good. Honestly put yourself in your spouses place, think about how you would feel if it was you that was being cheated on. Trust, love, confidence, all thrown away for INFATUATION! You said this person is your "ex", why did you leave him to begin with? Remember what it was that didn't make that relationship work? Is it worth the risk of loosing EVERYTHING including your child? I hope you really think thing through, because if you do I know that you will do what is right and avoid the affair. Good Luck! from a friend that has been there?
2006-09-30 05:36:57 · answer #6 · answered by Archangel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay away from him. Sure, you may regret not meeting up with him and always wonder "what if", but what would you do if your spouse did find out? Do you want to be in a divorce and have to tell your child the reason is because you cheated? There is more than just you involved. Remain true to you wedding vows.
2006-09-30 04:57:23 · answer #7 · answered by AsianPersuasion :) 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've pondered for a while before deciding to leave a word of advice for you.
All the while you have been thinking about this on your side,
the more you delve in this thought of yours, the more tempting it will get.
Why don't you think in your Spouse's shoes.
Give it a sincere deep thought instead of dwelling in your fantasy for a while. Just to be fair to your family if you cherish them.
Do not start a fire you can't stop.
I propose you meet up with this lover boy along with your husband, and tell it all out in front of all parties, how you used to admire or all the other reasons, but in the end you chose the better guy to marry and bear his child.
This will end all ghostly shadows lingering around all parties and clear up the whole mist.
Hope you will lead a blissful married life.
2006-09-30 20:13:06 · answer #8 · answered by davmanx 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say, go with your head.
You're not in love with this man. If you 2 were that much in love, you would be together, not with other people. You are in love with a fantasy, and the excitement of possibly being caught. There's drama, and it excites you. You think you'll regret not sleeping with him again, wait until you do it and get caught. Then you'll know what regret really is. Where do you draw the line, one time, two times, or more. Each time thinking "what can it hurt?" Well unless you're prepared for a lifetime of heartache, and trading weekends with your child's father, I would say be true to your marriage.
2006-09-30 05:42:39 · answer #9 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW serious predicament. Well u know u definitely owe your family your loyalty and what kind of person would u be to cheat on your family? I think u should see what's left between u and this "other man" ONLY if u believe deep down inside that u still have special and real and genuine feelings for this person. Please Don't Get Caught because doing something like this is definitely wrong but u also owe it to yourself to know if u made the right desicion in marrying your husband. Good Luck :-)
2006-09-30 05:13:58 · answer #10 · answered by Life Is Great 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you're trying to talk yourself into cheating. If you were so in love with your ex, why'd you get divorced in the first place?
Take it from me. Don't cheat. You never had a child to contend with before. Your home and your family's security are more important than a fling with your ex. It's time to grow up and take responsibility for yourself and your actions, and leave off with the serial cheater nonsense. Sounds like your ex needs to grow up too. He also has a child to think about. Do what you know to be the right thing and don't meet your ex. Maybe some counseling might help you as well.
Good luck.
2006-09-30 05:15:06 · answer #11 · answered by Nightlight 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋