Divorce and shared parenting?

Question

when one or both parents uses the child against the other parent in a shared parenting agreement--what are the options

I cannot 'choose the best answer' because all of you were great. I laughed with some, shed a tear for others and generally agree, it's a shame when adults act like kids fighting on a playground! Thanks to all for words of wisdom and kindness.

Answer 1

The child is the one who gets hurt. Not good for the child - and this can affect the child's relationship with both parents - even for life. Parents should never involve their child in their problems. The child should always come first.

Answer 2

I have first hand experience in this; sometimes the best thing
is to do nothing, because if you always push for what you want,
there will be an immediate tug of war and you won't get it even if
your adversary is willing to give it to you. My separation agreement
clearly stated that visitation would take place at MY residence one
day a week (Saturday night) and that the wishes of the kids would
be "considered" - naturally the ex used this to encourage the kids to
play that card and they have been refusing to come to my place
for the last 4 weeks, even though I told her that the kids don't have
a controlling vote vis. a vis. visitation. Instead of taking a giant
leap forward, I took two steps back, by refusing to visit them at
HER house, as I have been doing for the last year. It took a
week for that to sink in, but she vacillates from loving the kids
to death and wishing they were dead, so in a moment when
they were driving her crazy, I'm sure she reminded them that
they COULD go to daddy's house and they could see how
pissed she was so they went for it. If all goes well, I will have
the first of many regular visitations today, in an environment
free from the anger of my ex.

Sometimes you have to play like it's judo, you have to fall back
and let the forward weight of your opponent's attack trip them up.

Best wishes,

BiB

Answer 3

there's really no good answer to this question people can be selfish in relationships putting there self and there feelings before there children. especially when its a messy divorce. unfortunately i went and am still going thru this with my ex. the best thing is to handle everything (child support& visitation) thru the courts. thats the first step. then stay true to your children don't let the other persons actions affect how you raise your children. when your child speaks about the other parent dont say anything negitive. kids are smart they will eventually figure out who was the bad guy and it wont be pretty for that parent. those children will resent that parent for being crual and dishonest. i know this probably isnt the answer your looking for but nobody but the person themselves can make them stop using those chilren as pawns. hopefully bringing this to court and addressing this to the judge and a family law gaurdian will get this parent to see there hurting no one but the children. good luck this will be tuff. ive been dealing with this for to many years but my children are 10 and 12 and there finally seeing who was true and who wasn't.

Answer 4

I am an expert in this situation. First of all, it's highly inappropriate for parents to use children to "get back" at each other. You need to go to court and get a guardian ad litem to determine the best situation for the child(ren). Unfortunately, guardians are not experts either and often make wrong/unfair decisions. It's a gamble as you may lose custody and even be given supervised visits. Perhaps you and your ex can go for some counseling and try to figure out the best way to get along for the sake of your children.

Answer 5

Shame and both of them. Why do parents find it neccessary to use children to fight their battles for them. They did not do a thing and you put them in the middle of adult problems. Most women want to see just how much damage they can cause they husband so they just keep pushing and pushing. Men do it because she is doing it. Try this for a change of pace. Be nice to one another when it comes to children. Play fair when it comes to the children. If you do this then you will find that life is better for all concerned. If you can not do this then my suggestions is go and find help for the children cause you 2 are making their futures awful. Again Shame Shame Shame on you. Think of the children instead of yourselves.

Answer 6

The adults need to talk about it. If there is no way of coming to an agreement for the child it will mess up the childs mind and feelings, he is put in the middle. very sad.

Answer 7

First, you have to realize that kids are not stupid.
They're smarter than most adults because their primary source of knowledge is plain and simple common sense. Talk to your kids about the situation, they know its there, they probably choose not to acknowledge the situation because they're manipulating it to get what they want. But if everyone acknowledges their feelings about the situation then the kids will likely respond negatively when the other parent tries to use them.

Answer 8

well when parents get a divorce this usually happens if kids are involved. Unless you don't want anymore to do with your spouse than try and get soul custody of the child/ren

Answer 9

My ex speaks to his daughter well-known, even even with the actuality that all she does is yell into the phone with toddler jibberish. She is continually chuffed to take heed to her fathers voice. She even knows the position I cover my cellular telephone (from her) and could hit ok continuously till she receives him on the phone. She sleeps with my telephone too, reason she seems to imagine her dad is truly residing in the cellular or some thing. besides my element is I not in any respect idea he said as to a lot, i imagine its the full opposite that non custodial moms and dads dont call adequate.

Answer 10

They usually need to be bound and gagged and thrown in a basement for the rest of their short miserable lives without food or water or daylight.

That's not very realistic, but you need to see it happening and tell them that you know what they are doing. Bust 'em! They will usually deny it.
If they don't stop talk to your lawyer!