i feel desparate and don't know what to do?

Question

i'm married now for 2yrs n1/2 but for the last time i have been regreting alot why i got married with him coz i came to realize that he is not the man i was dreaming of.i feel a big pain because he is not anymore good in bed he just change his behaviour but i think he was like this before but he was hiding.
i'm very lonely at the moment.i just wanted to get married once but ithink it will not work.help please

Answer 1

I know exactly what you are talking about. 8yrs ago I was in the same situtaion that you are in now. I have always had a ton of guy friends I confided in one of them that I felt my husband didnt love me like he used to he said we all love you we just have different ways of showing it. This woke me up to reality it was inevitable I needed out.
My friends were showing more love and respect than my husband was. After about two weeks of letting everyone that was close to the both us that I was ending it I told my husband that I was done. Needless to say he didnt like the news...he did everything he could to try to win back and I stuck to my guns.
I was like you I didnt get married to get a divorce for about three months after we seperated I would have good and bad days...there would be days that I would cry and be mad at myself because I felt like I had failed at the one thing that I swore I wouldnt fail. I would go to work and come home I shut all my friends out of my life beacuse I felt like I shouldnt be happy. After one month of this the same guy friend told me to get in the shower and get ready to go because we were going out of course I refused but he threatened to put my in the shower. He understood about me feeling like I failed but he also made me realize that I had every right to be happy and that it was okay to leave.
I know there are alot of people that say counseling counseling counseling however it only works if you both want it too. I think the majority of time it is inevetible that a marriage will end in divorce because you cannot change some things in someone. I wish you the best of luck.
No I am not preaching that divorce is the best answer it was for me because I knew he wasnt going to change and why live your life misrable I think everyone has a right to be happy in this life because what else do we have.

Answer 2

Man A lot of good answers here. Also a lot of crap ones.
Personally I dont believe that age makes a difference. I am married and 22 years old. my 3 year annivarsery is right around the corner and we are happy. Not to mention that we have 4 children, 2 of which are newborn twins, we are financially struggling. But we are happy and we have each other.
I believe that marriage is about effort. Sure everything seems great in the begining, but you actually have to work to keep it great. If hes not even good in bed any more then tell him that you want to try more things. experiment, and have fun.

Maybe the fact that you think that hes not even good is spoiling the action before it even happens.

You need to talk to him. You have to actually use some effort to save your marriage. When you walked down the isle did you think well if its not what i want then i can just get a divorce later? When you get married divorce should not be an option. Unless of dire situations.
Maybe your just stuck in a rut. Maybe you need to get away for a couple of days. "absence make the heart grow fonder"
I do believe that before you came on the internet and slammed how your husband performs in bed you should have talked to him first. Thats not fair for him and you need to realize that.
Either way you decide to go i think there is some communication needed desprately.

Answer 3

Heres what I would do:

Talk to him. You have got to keep the communication channels open that is vitally important.

Suggest to him that you both had counselling, if you still love him it has got to be worth a try.

Book some vacation time and go away for a few days, try and bring the sparkle back into your life. Hire a log cabin in the mountains.

I think the talking to him is the most important thing here. You need to find out what he is thinking. Then just take it from there. I feel there is more to this story than perhaps you are letting on right now. Do you think he is perhaps cheating? or have you met someone you are contemplating cheating with?

Answer 4

Look gurl you need to be strong, and hang in there. I know what your going through. There really is no easy way out of these situations yet the answer is simple. I think as far as jus you go, you need to really think about what you want in life. Think about what would make you most happiest. And work towards that goal. That way you won't feel lonely.You won't feel abandoned. You will have a goal to work towards. Whether it be school, a certain job. Something that would make it were you won't rely on him so much. It sounds like you have a lot of potential, but you and your husband are jus not seeing eye to eye. Talk to him and try to pick things back up. But if he won't meet you half way then . . . Is he worth it???

Answer 5

These are things you should be communicating to your husband. He is probably not aware of your needs and feelings. My guess is that sex is not the only problem in your marriage. Seek some counseling and keep the lines of communication open. In general I think men have a lot more pressure in life to perform well at their jobs, in the community and at home. There might be things you could do to spice up your love life. It is not just his responsibility to make the marriage bed all it can be.

Answer 6

How old are you? Are you one of these immature people that ran out and got married, because you're cartoon was off for the day? Marriage is such a sacred thing. It is to be taken serious. Instead of trying counseling or spicing up the bedroom, you are atempting to plan another marriage. Hell no it won't work, because you will be involved.

Answer 7

You need to talk to someone close to you and see what they think. It sounds like you may even want to separate for a while until you figure out what you want to do.

There is nothing wrong with having doubts. Just make sure of your feelings before acting out your decision. Maybe you are just under a lot of stress at this time and will see things clearly when you feel better.

Answer 8

Communication is the key,you must talk with him about how you feel.may-be even a counsler if you want to save your marriage.you made it a point to add the SEX part.you have no attraction toward your husband and need a little more excitement than what he can give you.You seem to have married him 4 the wrong reasons and know you should tell him how selfish you were and that you are to blame for your relationship that is about to come to an end..

Answer 9

I think that you should be honest with him as well as yourself.I have the same problem.I am with a woman that I really don't want to be with.I've told her how I felt and things are getting better.I don't think it right for one to keep something like that inside.I believe that you would feel better inside if he knew what you're feeling.I know its hard to say these kinds of things but it is for the better.If you are feeling pain than all you're doing is hurting yourself.If you don't want to hurt anymore than I think that you should tell him.If you want to talk to someone about it.Feel free to email me.I know it sounds strange and all,but I find it easier to talk to someone I don't know.

Answer 10

He wanted to make a good impression on you in the beginning, to make you think well of him in order to get you to accept him... but once you accepted him, he thinks he doesn't have to be that man any more.
He needs to realize this>>> the same way he got you, is the same way he will keep you>>> he has to work at it.
It's like fishing>>> he put the bait on the hook, threw it in the water & caught the fish... he stopped right there... he needed to be taught that if he wants to continue, he also has to work, to clean it & cook it, before he can have the rest of the pleasure.