He's so insecure and he doesn't trust me at all. We are constantly arguing! I'm a very easy-going person, honestly, but if he's in the mood to argue or pick a fight, he'll find a reason! And as far as not trusting me, well, here's an example: the other day my boss told me I had a meeting I needed to go to at one of our other office the next day. I work 20 minutes from home...I start work at 815...our office opens at 830...the meeting is 20 minutes away....so, she said just go to the meeting at 9am and come to work afterwards. Makes sense? Well, he thought it was "weird" and that I was lying to him and really I was going to see someone else. I'm irritated that I'd be missing almost an hour of work, but that's not important. What matters is HE"S upset and thinks I'm lying. ???? These are the things we argue about! I'm sick of having to defend myself....I'm just scared of him and I don't know how to end it because I love him! He's in counseling, too...just doesn't seem to be working.
2006-09-30 02:01:18 · 12 answers · asked by gidget 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
By the way, we've been together for over a year and we're planning on being engaged soon.
2006-09-30 02:02:25 · update #1
Yes, some of you are right...he's already been abusive. But, I'm not "desperate". I know da** well if I dumped him, I'd have no problem getting another man when I'm good and ready! We're not living together...in fact I have a restraining order on him right now...omg...I'm a stupid stupid woman.....
2006-09-30 02:28:02 · update #2
Humm......two word there sweety. LEAVE HIM. There is nothing else that needs to be said. He needs to work his own problem out with himself before he can be any good to anyone.
2006-09-30 03:25:15 · answer #1 · answered by diran o 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I partly agree with brown eyed & some of what others r saying.1st of all love is between 2 people not 1 and there r 5 elements to love: LOVE/trust/communication/respect/honesty. If he cant trust u and is always looking for an argument then he must be very insecure. But its ur decision to make, the answer you are seeking is within yourself. You need to make the decision you know is right for you because anyone can tell you or advise you to leave him, then if you do on someones say so you may then regret taking the advise of other people and not your own. So before you do anything remember the decision you make today is the one you will have to live with not anyone else, what you should do is think of what and how ur life has been with him, the bad the good and balance it. If he is physically abusing you then u should just leave, no one has a right to abuse anyone, unless you let them. As far as love do u really love him? ask yourself that question. If you want to end it just tell him u can't live with the constant fighting and arguing and just leave. It will be hard for the next few months but as time passes u will recover and move on, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. If he is going for counseling and it's not working it's because he probably doesn't want to change.
2006-09-30 09:32:59 · answer #2 · answered by BLOSSUM 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would bail. I was in a similar situation. He has his own trust issues that have nothing to do with you. The counseling will only work if he lets it work. Your relationship as it is will not work. He's putting his unresolved issues on your back. It may not seem like it, but he's setting up the scene for the grande finale, which might not happen for a long time. Chances are, if he is not trusting you, and you are doing nothing sneaky or unfaithful, he is the one being nontrustworthy. The mistrust is coming from somewhere. If only I had listened to my gut years before it finally did end between my "ex" and me, perhaps I wouldn't have two incurable sexually transmitted diseases given to me by him. Incidentally, he never admitted to cheating even when it was slapping me in the face. I just kept making up excuses for him. Bail out now! That's my advice. You should do it and put him in his place before he does it to you. Muster up some self respect and just do it.
2006-09-30 09:15:46 · answer #3 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're going to be ENGAGED?!? What's wrong with you??
He has major secure issues and you think that mere counciling is going to solve this?
And do you honestly think that this will heal itself or go away once you're married? Hon, it only gets worse. TRUST ME! I SPEAK FROM EXPERIENCE HERE.
If you INSIST on staying with this sad case of a man, then go to this counciling with him and see what's going on and tattle on him to his councilor about his insecurities towards you.
But, I HIGHLY recommend dumping this man!!
And I am going to take a bet here, but I bet anything you two are living together, aren't you?
Anytime a couple decides to live with each other, immorally, it only creates lack of respect, no trust, no loyalty, no grounds for a future good marriage, and is bad in every way, shape and form for two people who are supposedly supposed to love and be together forever as one.
Stop kidding yourself thinking it'll work out and that it's okay to live together and have sex. Who cares what "the world" says to you. Look where it's headed. Do people in general make the most wisest decisions? Don't trust just anybody, use your own brain and heart here, and not your desperation to find someone to be with.
You'll meet the right one when the time and place is right.
Good luck.
2006-09-30 09:10:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
first of all why would you be planning on getting engaged if your feeling like this thats just stringing him along im guessing him being insecure has something got to do with him being in counselling maybe hes just having a hard time at the moment and is taking it out on the one he loves trust comes with secuity so its proberly not possible for him at the moment.HOWEVER if your not happy you need to end it now for both your sakes you say your scared of him and thats not right its hard at the moment and you,ll find your strenght somewhere maybe suggest a break for a while time for him to get himself sorted and review your situation in a few weeks sometimes being apart makes the heart stonger and you both may realise whats right for yous good luck and stay safe
2006-09-30 09:30:39 · answer #5 · answered by keevy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you have to get out now, things are not going to get better.... things will get worse.... i have been in relationships like this before. honestly, usually when you have one that is always thinking you are doing something or up to no good, it is because he in fact is the one doing it.... he has problems. you cant fix him. things will not get better, you should not stay with someone you yourself say you are scared of. you need to get out and go on with your life, life is too short to live in misery. i really feel for you b/c i feel like i know exactly what you are going through.... i am telling you things wont get better, especially if you marry, b/c then he will own you.... he is paranoid, the things taht are wrong with him are not your fault, and you cant change them or fix them, and if he hasnt already i feel taht eventually it will come to him hitting you. please be careful, and good luck to you whatever you decide.
2006-09-30 09:12:33 · answer #6 · answered by browneyedmomof3 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you are scared of him and you love him. That does not sound good. Sounds like domestic violence. It's your decision if you want to keep on living the way you are. No one can advice you on what to do. You know what to do. Find a way to do it. Find help. You make your world. Live it don't fear it. Good luck
2006-09-30 09:07:36 · answer #7 · answered by Here I am 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Say Goodbye!
He's Obviously NOT doing You any good!!
Just lay it out for him to Play it out!
Get on with Your Life!
You're Worth Much More than treatment like this!!
2006-09-30 09:04:03 · answer #8 · answered by J. Charles 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should end it. If he is being like this now.... whats he going to be like if you get married? WORSE. then he will think he owns you... he will become more controlling, emotional and possible physical abuse will more then likely start. If you can't handle this now, how will you handle it when you married.
ya, you say you love him... dear, this is not love.
2006-09-30 09:10:23 · answer #9 · answered by Maienca 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look there is but one thing it do get out. If he is that insecure odds are that it doesn't have much to do with you. Didn't his mommy hug him enough.
2006-09-30 09:25:41 · answer #10 · answered by SUPERSTAR X 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋