parents who don't love their children?

Question

how sick is that

what's your explanation for this

(& please don't start the discussion with the parents' bad childhood 'cause that's no excuse)

thanks

there's no such thing as getting accidentally pregnant, even if you're raped, the common sense tells you the baby's not to blame, right? gee, what's your level of thinking...

like i said, you're thinking at the ape-like level

may God help you

no, you're a grown-up person, despite all the post natal depression or whatever, you are aware of this and that thing is gone once the kid is like 15 or something. like i said, i may be looking for deeper answers than the ones i'm finding here. you have the right to be miserable or hate your life but not anyone else's, esp. your kid's.

get it?

Well, if you're still not quite getting it, I would suggest you read the answers under the other sections.

Peace...

Answer 1

I think that all parents do love their children, some just put a wall up and won't allow themselves to express that love so they won't get hurt

Answer 2

Hi Juliet,

Just to clarify this: It sounds like you're less interested in "why parents don't love their kids" and more interested in preaching about why it's so wrong. It is a topic you seem very passionate about.

For the record, I personally agree with you about how "sick" it is.

But fixing the problem is not as simplistic as telling someone "it's wrong to not love your kids, you sicko -- love your kids!"

If you want to help people reach a point where they WANT to love their kids even when they don't feel like (and that's the BEST scenario, don't you think), then you actually do need to explore the different ways that this lack of caring for the kids might have developed.

Everyone is different. There are tons of reasons why a parent might be in a position where they do not care about the child -- or, let's say, where they prioritize THEMSELVES over their child.

While a bad childhood is no excuse for bad parenting, it's still one reasonable explanation for why someone is at an emotional stage where they do not know HOW to love a child nor do they WANT to love a child; and if you choose to ignore this truth, you won't ever be able to help "bad parents" change.

Frankly, many of these crappy parents WERE neglected as children. They did not have the role model from whom to learn good parenting skills. Often they don't even know what a good parent is. (Ask them to explain what a parent is, and by their answers it's pretty clear they don't have a clue what a good parent/kid relationship is.)

They're basically emulating the same selfish behavior that their parents taught them, because they think it's the way a parent is supposed to act.

So the first step is to provide a proper example of good parenting, so the bad parents realize their ideal is wrong.

Once you clear up "ignorance" as an issue, now you can move onto "heart" issues. At this stage, a bad parent literally makes choices about whether they will or will not do what is best for their kids, and try to be a good parent.

Here is the stage where a moral judgement is applicable, and you discover whether a person was just ignorant or truly selfish at heart.

So why do I think some people are "bad parents"?

1. Ignorant: Never learned what a "good parent" was.

2. Deprived: Were denied their needs as kids and now are too consumed by filling their own emptiness to be able to give themselves to others.

3. Selfishness: Purposeful disregard for other people, children included as part of that.

None of these things are "excuses" for their behavior, but they are coherent explanations for why they're at where they are at.

Maybe those answers don't sit well with you, but it doesn't make them not true.

Answer 3

Lady if you are not a metal health professional do not automatically exclude cases and insult others for trying to explain such a phenomenon like you describe.
Yes whether you like it or not BAD upbringing may be the cause of such a behavior. When you have grown up NOT being loved and/or being shown the right way to express love then you may possible do the same as a parent...its called modeling.
Also when you have not consciously decided to have a child and this child -in the person's mind ,has been the one preventing the person to live a different life a projection phenomenon occurs and all the hate is reflected on the child.

I am not saying in any way that this is justifiable and healthy but it does happen and these example may lead a person to express a negative attitude towards their child/children.

Answer 4

It's not necessarily sick. People may get accidentally pregnant and feel they had to have the child when they never really wanted it...Post natal depression..Millions of reasons. And sorry, but having a bad childhood could cause parents to have problems bonding with their children. I love the way you say there's no 'excuse'. Like it's something anyone can control. If love doesn't come, it doesn't.

Excuse me? People can't get accidentally pregnant? So condoms don't break, women never forget to take a pill and if a woman is raoped, regardless of it not being the baby's fault, that doesn't mean the woman intended to get raped and pregnant, does it? I'd say you were the one thinking on an ape's level, but apes are intelligent! Don't attempt to hide anti-abortion rhetoric behind pointless questions - be a brave little boy and come out and say it.

Answer 5

Some people just dont know how to love simple. Maybe they were never showed how to. Some people are just totally selfish and therefore cant love. Their needs outweigh the importance of love and wanting to nuture a child. Of course these people shouldnt have children yet they do and possibly dont realize the harm they are causing buy not showning children love. There are so many different personalities in the world yet unfortunately your personality cannot stop you from breeding.

Answer 6

Just because a woman get's pregnant doesn't mean she has a natural instinct to love that child. Which is why I advocate choice when it comes to having the child or not. There should never be a child that comes into this world who isn't wanted and loved. I agree, it's sick.

Even mothers who go through nine months of carrying a baby and are in good marriages, or relationships can even have trouble connecting with their baby once it is born. That is not sick at all. It's something alot of women struggle with and actually get medical / psychological help with. Alot of these women really want the child and that baby is the centre of their world. But they cannot bond, and there is no medical reasoning for it at this time.

These women struggle with intense guilt and even become suicidal because of the unexpected situation they find themselves in. There is nothing abhorent about how they feel, its extremely sad when it happens.

Only in the past couple of years have women been able to admit to conditions such as post-partum depression and the fact that bonding with their child is difficult. It is a real concern and yet women who have been having babies over the previous hundreds of years never had the option of getting help.

To love your children includes a whole boatload of aspects such as commitment, personal contentment, emotional attachment etc... We need to understand that just because a girl can become impregnanted and a father to be able to ejaculate, does not make them emotionally or psychologically strong enough to be prepared for caring for another human being (a child) emotionally and psychologically. Alot of these parents don't even know how to love themselves or eachother very well. How are they going to love a child?

There are a lot of deeper questions you need to ask yourself - but when you don't understand the underlying answers, you react with disgust and rage. Perhaps you need to backtrack a little and get to grips with the people you are disgusted by and try to see the bigger picture.

All the best!

---- added after first part-----

I am adding this due to you answering people's answers in your original question.

For some background on my answer: My mother was a career woman who decided, with my father, to have 6 children. I am the youngest. My mother had us when she was a little older (in her 40's) and was told, after having my sister, who has Down's Syndrome, that she should abort me and my brother who was born just before me.

She didn't obviously, which is why I am here. I have struggled all of my life to understand why she had me in the end. She spent very little time with us as a family, due to her career and my dad raised us almost single-handedly. There was a point where she actually abandoned my dad and us kids because her career took her to another city. She actually moved away and just waited for us to follow when we were finished school.

Now tell me... is that love? It sure didn't feel like it. She used to only ever do anything with us when it was convenient for her to do so. Just because she had children did not make her an expert on how to love or care for us.

I simply cannot resent her for that - she just never knew how. And she still doesn't. My Down's Syndrome sister had to be moved to a different home because she was being extremely neglected and was losing her mind through lack of care and attention.

However, I have been through alot of therapy to deal with these issues and you have to understand that anger and resentment only make things worse. The fact that someone else does not know how to love is not a child's fault - but it is not something that parents intentionally do. If that child is you - perhaps you need to find someone who is qualified to help you through this as you do not seem to be finding the answers on here.

Again - I wish you the best.

Answer 7

As much as you do not want to admit it how you grow up can determine how you treat others. The unique thing is one can choose to stop. Child abuse is promininent because the parents were abused. I grew up abused. I stopped the visious circle and raised my daughter with love. Love, is learned when we are young. If you are unloved, you can overcome it and learn to love others. The hardest part is in order to love someone we have to learn to love ourselves first. Parents who do not love, really do not know how to love. I taught my mom.,Each time I talked to her I told her I love you. Today, many years later I hear the love in her voice as she tells me I love you.
It is not a sickness, but a mental block. Love your parents as you want to be loved and it will eventually take them over.

Answer 8

If you know the all the answers to this question then why did you even ask it? Instead of criticizing those who don't answer it the way you want? Why don't you give us your answer and then we'll just repeat what you say??

Answer 9

because they realize that the kids they made are horrible , obnoxious brats so why shouldnt they stop loving them and start hating them and finally make the correct decision to put them into foster care up for adoption and let some other poor sucker look after them

Answer 10

I think parents that don't love their kids are psychotics. It's a post partum syndrome that's gone way over the borderline.