Ahhh I don't believe what is going on in my life. I already asked you all what you would do in my position. Its got worse. I have been split from my husband for 8 weeks now and for the last 4 he has been living with his G/F and her kids. My little grandson died on thurs my daugher did the adult things and asked him if he wanted to see him his answer could his g/f come. Err no then he asked if she could come to the fruneral you can guess how my daughter re-acted. Then yesterday he left a voicemail on housephone demanding to know who told our youngest daughter who told her he loved his new g/f's more. It was him who said to our daughter he didnt know when she asked him. Ahhh why is it men can change the rules as now my daughter is more devasted than ever as she heard what he said and now she thinks her dad thinks shes a liar.{i could scream as it was on the answerphone and i was in the kitchen}. He is now claiming im turning the kids agaisnt him how he is the one doing these things?
2006-09-29 20:54:20 · 21 answers · asked by h 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well you and your husand are no longer together. he has moved on. i think the issue is not about what he said, but about him having a gf.
i am sorry to hear about the loss of your grandson. but your ex husband has every right to bring whom he chooses to the funeral. and he should not be asking you or your daughter for premission.
just because things did not work out for the two of you, does not mean he loves his daughter and grandson any less.
he is greiving also and he needs his gf by his side.
right now you have a grandson who passed away and a daughter who needs you. right now is not the time to be bringing all of this up. i am sorry for your loss. but right now your only priority should be your daughter and family and not about what your ex said or did....
so stop making this about you ok. your daughter lost a child.
2006-09-29 21:02:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Think you're generalising about the sexes.
All people do crazy, stupid, insensitive selfish things. Sometimes they don't even know they are doing it.
Nobody is wrong or right here. There are no rules to be broken except those of law. We all have to live life in the best way we know how.
He has done that, whether he has high moral standards or whether you have is a different story.
You have a very emotional time and there is bound to be drama, but what you must try and do is work out your priorities and put aside other things.
Sounds like your relationship with your daughter is more permanent than that with your husband. It's not what you were expecting and thats why you're upset.
You need to try and put the upset to oneside and spend time in the relationships that are worth investing your time in. At this time it is your daughter and if that means your husband and his g/f have to come to the funeral so be it. It may be insensitive but your husband is still important in your daughters life and if he's that insensitive it will confirm to you that you will be better off without him. Might be better to find this out sooner rather than later.
You can be strong and get through this, just try and identify the drama as drama when it happens and find out what you really want to do, not what the drama is leading you to do in the moment.
2006-10-01 01:52:05 · answer #2 · answered by lifeontrack2006 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think men change the rules any more than some women. If your an insensitive person then the others around you suffer. First let me say that I am very sorry for your loss. Secondly he is not thinking right! Do wait until you and your family have grieved, then worry about him. Don't upset yourself or your daughter at this time by worrying about what an a** wants to do. Just get through this as a family then deal with him and his stupid ideas!
God Bless you and your family.
2006-09-29 21:11:19 · answer #3 · answered by bionicworm1 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi
I am sorry to hear about your loss, you must be going through hell right now as i can imagine your daughter is to. My Thoughts are with you all.
With the matter in hand i can imagine how your daughter feels about what has happened between yourself and her dad. I am 25 and my parents spilt up when i was 21 my dad worked abroad and was already with someone else and her children. The difference between us was it was my mum i was angry at not my dad. Due to what my mother was like. what is the same is my mother does exactly the same as what your husband is doing, In time when things have started to settle after your loss your daughter will come to realise her own thoughts on her dad and he will realise that he has done what he has done and lost everyone that is really important to him. You have to take a back seat with what he is doing and let him do it so your daughter comes to her own decision about him and what to she wants from in the future. I know it is hard when she is hurting but to me he sounds like my mother useless and not worth her time. She has all the love and support she needs from you as long as she keeps getting it from you she will be strong.
Good Luck i wish you all the best and my thoughts are with you
2006-09-29 21:51:05 · answer #4 · answered by Secretguk 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say for you not to be blamed for the separation you should do your part as a wife, whenever he comes back home treat him like you husband, painful as it is just do it so that he wont blame you when things get bad on the G/F's side. Sit your children down and tell them what's going on and explain to them that you would not want them to take sides but to treat their Father with respect, even the small ones have a way of intepreting things they would understand. Now for you seek proffesional counselling, if they demand payment you can contact the nearest Pastor of any church if you don't attend any and They would be of much help to you without demanding any payment. Don't lose your self esteem because that could damage you even more, Believe that you are still worth it and take care of your kids. Best regards.
2006-09-29 21:18:45 · answer #5 · answered by Babe 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know how you could possibly be concerned with your husband's childish behavior at a time like this. I would be too devastated by the loss of my grandchild to be concerned about his actions. Now should be a time for mourning not fighting over what daddy did or didn't say. Get some perspective.
2006-09-29 20:59:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your hubby sounds like a selfish bastard and you are better off without him.It is unforgivable to put someone/anyone b4 his own kids and as for requesting his G/f come to the funeral has he no heart????You on the other hand sound like a genuinely nice mother and grand mother who knows where her priority's lay.Do me a favour and if your hubby ever comes to you saying he wants to patch things up and start again remember this moment and say NO...lots of love from London x
2006-09-30 03:38:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when it rains it pours...
but it sounds to me that you need to get a new start on life. sounds like he is childish, and extremely self-centred. you have had to be with this person for a long time, and even now after your separation, it seems that he still wants it all to be about him.
release all that frustration, and get your daughter some support. if she can't get it from her father, she might as well have it from you. you should also start making your life about you, because he has had his chance, so letting all of this affect you, will only justify his actions.
hope it all calms down for you, cause you deserve it. you and your kids
2006-09-30 03:30:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
''why is it men can change the rules''
I Just want to clarify that you are talking about ONE MAN NOT ALL MEN behave it this foolish way and it's not that there are two different rules for men and women because some husbands have been in the state that your in as well. it's all depends on if the man or woman is a worthless piece a crap
2006-09-30 06:40:46 · answer #9 · answered by L£X 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hes trying to justyfy his bad actions by making you look bad, he dosent wanna be the bad guy on his own.what an insensitive moron! he should be trina make things easier for you n the kids at the moment not being petty! try not to sling anymore mud or get caught up in his games just be there for your kids as we mums always are n politley tell him to feck off till he can grow up n put his kids first. your poor daughter is grieving n he needs to put her needs before his own. good luck n my thoughts are with you n your family at this sad time x
2006-09-29 21:30:28 · answer #10 · answered by lavix 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋