What would you believe??

Question

My husband is in a group, and he is friends with this girl in his group. they talked on the phone a couple a times a week, until I said I didn't like it. I got the cell phone bill and I found out they talk about 3 to 4 times a week and text messaged eachother a couple of times. I called her and was nice and told her not to do it again, it bothered me and she denied it, My husband told me they just talk about what goes on in group (AA), and that he showed her how to text message. But he told me that he wouldn't call her and when I checked there were no calls to her, he erased them. I say he had an affair with her, because why if nothing was going on, would she lie and get mad at me? He says I making more out of this than I should. What do you think?

Answer 1

You know what? You have every reason to doubt, comming from a family where my Dad cheated on my mom and ran out on us I would suspect the same thing. My husband did somthing simular at the begining of our engagement and due to my past experiences, it's costing him now BIG TIME. It's hard for me to trust again, and It does sound fishy. I would look into it, or just come straight out and tell him and her. I wouldn't want you to get hurt for find out from another source like my mom did.! GOOD LUCK to you and remember there are plenty of FISH IN THE SEA youre just a MERMAID to catch them!!

Answer 2

I think jumping to the conclusion that your husband had an affair, simply because he has a female friend is a bit much. She may have lied because she didn't want drama to start, many people don't realize that telling the truth is always the best way to go.
Your husband is in AA and so is she, which is why they have something in common and something to talk about. There is nothing wrong with your husband socializing with people who can help him deal with his problem and help keep him sober. The fact that you think your husband cheated on you, shows you don't really trust him - which is an issue in and of itself.
Instead of jumping the gun, talking to the girl, and insisting they not talk (which sounds like you are overly jealous), why not go the other route and invite her over for dinner and get to know her the way your husband knows her. Maybe think about going to some AA meetings (the ones that allow family members to sit in) so that you can also be supportive to your husband and share that part of his life with him.
In the meantime, you being jealous, accusing him of infidelity, and insisting he not talk to his friend might just push him away and make him not want to be around you because you are being controlling and overly jealous. Love him, support him, and always trust him until you are 100% sure and have facts that there was something happening - friendly phone calls or text messages from an AA buddy, don't constitute a hot and steamy affair.

Answer 3

Well you have a tough call to make. By what you say you could assume he is cheating, but then again what if you are wrong? Just watch his patterns when he is at AA and what time he arrives home and how he treats you. You might even , though it may sound cruel get a friend in a car that he doesn't know and follow him a night or two and see what happens. But remember men and women can be friends and there be no sexual relationship. He just might of answered you in a weird way because he knew you would get like that, but be careful and do what you need to....

Answer 4

If there is nothing going on between them, why would he be lying? People lie when they want to cover something up. If you have to snoop and check his phone to make sure that he has not been talking to her then there is a problem. Obviously he has found someone who he has something in common with. They are both alcoholics and they have that in common. Lots of people who are alcoholics/drug addicts/etc try to find comfort in others who have gone through the same things as them, even though they may love their wives and have a good support system at home, it's still not the same as when they connect with another alcoholic. In a way, alocholics are like brothers or sisters and they all understand each other kinda. Do you know what I mean.? But also you have to factor in the phone conversations that he is lying about and covering up and erasing from his phone. If you can't trust him to tell you the truth, then relationship OVER! End Game!

Answer 5

Do you really want to know the answer you asked your husband,
Are you ready for his answer if its not the answer you want.

So before you make your next move. Be ready for what ever the truth is.
Out of Respect for you, your Husband needs to answer your question honestly. You want the TRUTH
You should not have to wonder, or pretend that not knowing the truth from him is OK.

Is having affair, just having sex with someone else. to you? or Have feeling for,or kissing/making out or spending time with out you knowing via email,cell or meeting .. What is having an affair?

You have some decision to make for you. What you decide should be just about you/ Not him,. Not Children, Not Family. ONLY YOU , THAT WILL BE THE RIGHT DECISION.
You are in title to feel./ say and do Way ever it is you want.

Answer 6

AA is an emotional playground, people hook up and break up like it was high school or a bar on Friday night at last call.

You are viewed as an outsider, "only one alcoholic can understand another" is what they are taught in the rooms.

25% of marriages break up during the first year that one partner joins AA.

Answer 7

well you either have to trust him or you don't. now you say he erased the calls , do you know this for a fact or did he do as asked and not call her? Been and alcoholic makes you dependable OK, this women may have just latched on to your guy as a support to get her through this, it happens. members of AA are a family OK, they work together for each other they are encouraged to, perhaps you could go to a meeting or two with him.? to accuse him of an affair with actually no proof is a bit harsh , if you have proof then fine but if not its a suspicion, those can ruin a relationship, Rather than accuse, talk to him.

Answer 8

AA is a good suport group and I don't believe you should come between anything.... YET. it could simply just be suporting one another with their addiction problems. If this woman is such a good friend to him or whatever, why not have him invite her over for dinner and YOU get to know her as well. Could start up an awesome friendship for you or you will be able to know if there is truely something going on that shouldn't be.

Answer 9

Did you catch him with his c@ck in her C*nt? then I think he's calling a girl from AA. If she's his Sponsor then he's not calling her often enough. She might of lied to you because you accused her of something, or because she thought she had gotten her friend in trouble or maybe she doesn't like you, if you want to know why ask her psychologist because you're not qualified to guess at her motives.
You should leave your husband. You don't trust him. What's the point in staying with him?

Answer 10

Have you ever listen to their conversation before ?Do they really talk about their work or some outside thing ?You have to find out, but don't let ur husband know.Does he talk normal like to other female or male friends, or he whisper when phon this lady ?Do they joke a lot during their conversation ?All these you have to find out, if no, then they are really not up to anything, but..... still you have to be aware .