My husband of 9 months wont stop talking about his ex-wife of 3 months. She was very unfaithful. It Makes me feel like poo all the time. Worthless, ugly, ect. And he is paraniod i will do what she did. Guys! What is going thru his mind?
2006-09-29 18:48:30 · 29 answers · asked by TNT 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He was married in '01 it lasted 3 months. He said he felt sorry for and that is why they married. That he knew it was wrong. He doesn't talk about her in good ways really. I'm the jealous type. He talks about ex's a lot. I feel not up to par.
2006-09-29 19:58:41 · update #1
In his mind all he thinks of is being with her and everything was all right till he found out she cheated. Now he married you but his mind is saying to him watch her. If you go to the store like his ex did and stay to long you are her.
You will have to explain to him, he started a new life with you. You aren't his ex and you do not cheat, you have to let him know that you adore him and you want to be with him and his ex is missing out. He is not over her fully help him out and he will be yours forever.
2006-09-29 20:04:21 · answer #1 · answered by rjsr40 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I wonder why you married him and how soon after he divorced his first wife? He needs healing and to have closure with this situation, I'm sure you knew this before you married him, it's obvious he is not over her, even though he's tried to move on.
If she was very unfaithful, she didn't love him, but he did. You should've taken that into the equation. It's possible he jumped into another relationship with you because he thought he'd get over her by being with you, the sad reality is that it isn't so. He needs major counseling individually and then you and him together as a couple. If he is paranoid, it's because he is still in shock and needs to heal. Unfortunately if you feel so hurt as you sound, it is possible you will end up doing it if this relationship doesn't get some healing and if you feel un worthy, unattractive and you don't deserve that.
But for your emotional being you might need to consider separating from him if he refuses going to counseling, it is only hurting you both, but more you because you didn't know what you signed on to.
Perhaps you need to connect to other people in your church if you attend church and that helps tremendously and give it time, I wonder if he might still contact her, or still have photos of her hidden, he should get rid of absolutely everything regarding her image, if he doesn't he will hurt you more, you need to deal with this head on. You need to confront him and call things by their name. Let him know you didn't marry him for him to treat you like an object and you feel very used, deceived and under estimated. I suggest you write down all of your feelings and emotions and let him know.
Tell him you will never do what she did, he needs counseling, he has issues with rejection and abandonment, he needs re-assurance only counseling and time will heal.
You should've stopped him talking about his wife the very moment this started, you need to learn to speak up and think about your needs, what's acceptable and unacceptable and communicate to him, let him know how you feel very directly.
Best wishes!!
2006-09-30 02:28:01 · answer #2 · answered by You are loved 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry but trust is the first criterion in any relationship.Men have these stupid outbursts in their head popping in and out that most women are unfaithful..this gets them insecure..A Typical case.
Tell your husband and try to make him understand.Tell him that unless there is no trust nothing is going to happen.And respect yourself for what you are and dont feel worthless or ugly..We all are special in our own ways and talk to your husband !
If not , gift him a counselling session - the last resort !
2006-09-30 01:51:48 · answer #3 · answered by Beautiful Snowwhite 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can help you out on this one because my ex-wife cheated on me. Your husband is still bothered by what she did to him, and he will always remember that. Its not that he doesn't love you or is trying to make you feel like poo, but he is still hurt by it. In the back of his mind there will always be that thought, that no one can be trusted 100% and everyone is capable of cheating. You can only do what you can to prove to him that your better then that, and wouldnt think of ever cheating on him. Just be a little understandign to how he feels, and hopefully it will pass.
BTW, i am remarried, and sometimes wonder about my wife. I use to make accusations, but now i just take it day by day and let life take its course. I hope you both make it through this!
2006-09-30 02:33:56 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Did he suddenly begin talking about his ex-wife after you got married, or did he always make you feel like poo by talking about her all the time, prior to the wedding, and you married him anyway?
Y'all better get some pre-marital counseling- it's not too late.
2006-09-30 01:51:03 · answer #5 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would tell him if he mentioned any of his ex's ever again that you are going to leave. He is married to you now and he needs to start living in the present. Not to mention is that the only conversation he can come up with, geez how boring is that. He needs to be more grateful that he has you. And praise you for being nothing like the other women he was with.
2006-09-30 03:13:17 · answer #6 · answered by flutterby 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You now what? You have to put your foot down and say you dont want to hear about someone that ruined his life.. You are a different person. Go to therapy if this doesnt help. It is not fair for you to have to hear about this all the time. The ex shouldnt be brought up in ANY case.
2006-09-30 01:59:40 · answer #7 · answered by pink9364 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry but it is so hard to understand what you are trying to say. (she) is very unfaithful? who is (she?)and then who is (it?) that makes you feel like a poo?Anyway, your husband doesn't love you, I think. He's not supposed to compare you with his ex. All I can say, it's not worth to live with this kind of guy... he has a psycologial problem..
2006-09-30 02:03:39 · answer #8 · answered by odel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So he was married to both of you at the same time for 6 months? Is that even possible? Is this a joke? :)
2006-09-30 01:56:02 · answer #9 · answered by Ponderpink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
GIRL....i know how u feel...i really do..well my husband doesnt talk about it....but he has before...she cheated on him too and they were just engaged!....so when we got married he was crazy enough to think that id do the same thing to him...you shouldnt feel worthless....be happy, and tell him that YOU ARE NOT "HER"!!!!! tell him to get that straight and quit talking about her because he has you and she is out of his life....
2006-09-30 03:14:47 · answer #10 · answered by whateva 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋