How do I tell my husband I'm not happy anymore?

Question

I have been married to my husband for three years, and I'm just not happy anymore. He doesn't pay any attention to me unless he wants something. He says things to me that really hurt my feelings but I don't think that he realizes it. He never spends quality time with me and we never go out. How do I break it to him, that I'm not happy, and that he better change, or I'm out of here?

Answer 1

Sometimes it is not wise to get such important advice online. Asking such serious questions from people who don't know you, don't know the facts of your relationship, and to be honest usually don't care enough to give a real answer anway is just a a bad idea. With that said, I will give you my real advice and let you decide for yourself if it is valid.

I think that many couples' problems today start just like yours are now. One begans to pay less and less attention to their spouse and talking about about feelings, thoughts, or just casual conversation becomes less and less. For example, some start spending too much time online either playing online games or chatting with "friends" instead of spending time talking to their spouse who is supposed to be their best friend. The online friendships can be particularly dangerous because in some ways these online friends begin to replace what you should have with your spouse. Some even end up in an affair in real life not just online. So, whatever you do decide to do, you are right in the realization that you NEED to talk to your husband.

If I were you, I would just sit down with him someplace quiet and have a talk. Maybe get out some pictures of when you were happy together and ask him to look at them with you. Sometimes looking at old pictures can bring back memories of why you fell in love with this person. Maybe instead of taking the threating "shape up or ship out" position, you might want to see if you can remind him of why he was so crazy for you that you married him.

If you have changed in the past three years (got fat, stopped taking care of yourself, stopped being what you were sexually, etc) then REALLY take a look at yourself too. Sometimes when women change from what they were the husband feels "cheated" out of what he thought he was getting.

Finally, it is difficult for me to give you the best answer because I don't know all of the facts in your relationship and life. If you want to talk more about it personally, just message me and I will be happy to talk with you.

Divorce is not easy. It is very painful. I wish you luck.

Answer 2

First off I want to say how sorry I am to hear that your husband doesn't give you the respect that he should. One thing i can't stand is another man not notice his wife from time to time and only like you say "when he wants something." It frustrates the hell out of me. But in your case you have the cause to leave because you're unhappy. I always say this, Communication is the key to the relationship, that and trust.
If you can't even approach him about your feelings then you should break up with him. But if he's willing to listen, tell him straight out what the problems are why you're not happy and hopefully, just hopefully he'll have a heart and listen, and maybe he would change.
I hope for the best for you.

Answer 3

No one else is responsible for your happiness. If you're not happy then you need to look inside yourself. Your husband obviously did not become the person he is over night, and yet you married him anyway. Why was that? You are expecting him to change the person he has always been, that is no way to be in a marriage. Either you accept him as he is or leave the marriage but don't make him responsible for your happiness, no one else but YOU can make YOU happy.

Answer 4

The only thing that you can do is talk to him and hope that he can grasp the seriousness of your feelings. Three years is not a long time in marriage terms but it is long enough past the newlywed stage that he may be starting to take you for granted. My best advice to you is this: From the tone of your question I don't get the feeling that you two have kids yet... hopefully not. You are still at a stage where a divorce can be a clean break and you don't have to allow him in your life for any reason. Another thing is that people generally don't change, they are how they are... so three years in this sounds like trouble to me. Weigh your options and while you try to work things out with him, I would prepare yourself in case he does not change and you need to leave. Best of luck to you.

Answer 5

How do you tell him? You tell him....I'm not happy anymore and here's why. If he's still standing there, then tell him what you think will help. If he's still standing there, then ask him what you can do to make it better for him. If he's still standing there, tell him you love him. If he's still standing there, then hug him and continue on.

If he left any time during this, get yourself a divorce lawyer.

Answer 6

I am not sure if my advice could be of any help considering I am somewhat going through the same thing. But I have made steps towards making myself happy. If you still want to be with him and try to work it out, consider counseling. If he does not agree to it, then obviously he is not serious about making it work. Him going to counseling would be his chance at making things right. If that is a bust, then your next step is to fulfill your happiness. Know that if you aren't happy you cant make anyone else happy, and that includes your children. Remember that because of their youth and innocense, they know when something is not right at home. In the long run it will begin to effect your children. The will grow to imulate what they see at home (ie. physical, emotional, verbal or mental abuse). You would not want your children to go through what you are going through or to put someone through what you're going through. So if you have to remove yourself and your children from an unhappy situation, so be it. But do so knowing that you have made every possible effort to correct the situation. You have already taken him back 4x. How many more time do you need to know that it is not going to work? Only you know the answer to that. But when it comes down to the final straw and you have to tell him that it is over, do it without the children being home. Let someone (close family member or friend) know what you are doing in case something jumps off. Sit him down and calmly discuss with him what your intentions are and why.

Answer 7

Pack up and get out!!! Once your man starts ignoring you and your relationship, when he stops caring about your feelings and when he does or says things to hurt you, what do you really think is going on? Girl, he isn't going to change so just save that speech for another day. If you want his attention I'm sure hitting the road will wake his *** up, even if it doesnt at least you can go out and have a good ol quality time as a single chick!@!

Answer 8

They always say you should start a conversation with saying I feel... don't start accusing your partner. But men are not to bright when it comes to talking about your feelings you have to say what you feel point blank. Dropping hints they just don't get it. It sounds alot like my own situation. My response from my hubby was you can go out clubbing if you want to. That wasn't what I was talking about. I was telling him we are never intimate emotionally. I gave up after that. I can give advice but can't say it will help much. They hear what they want to hear. Good luck anyway.

Answer 9

You married him for better or worst, thus try to "STICK TO IT" and pray for a new tomorrow. Here's something for you to think about, "...Men are like government bonds, they take soooo long to mature." When you married him did you accept everything about him...completely? Or did you have plans to change him later on down the road? If so, then you sabotaged the marriage from the start. As long as he's not beating your brains out or mentally abusing you... then you really are one of those lucky women who wish they had a husband like you. You need to reevaluate your role as a wife and work at making your marriage the best it can be. You need to think about the love you have shared, and not waste your time on what you wished you had. In the interim, start being nice to yourself. He might see what he is missing. Take yourself out and treat yourself to those special things {as often as you can}. Don't rub it in his face... just remember don't disrespect him while you are out -- as whatever you do will come back to haunt you.

If you really feel that the marriage is over, first thing you must do is confess your lack of love towards him; tell him what is missing in your marriage then see what he does. If he shows no feelings, then start divorce proceedings. Go with your gut feelings Don't try to blame him for his short-comings. Just move forward taking one step at a time. Sooner or later you will know exactly what your heart and mind tells you to do. Don't put your dirty laundry out so everyone can smell it. Take your demands straight to him or to God. Something will break through for you.

Be humble to your husband, he could be experiencing something at work or something else that he just can't share with you right now. Good luck... and pray!

Answer 10

People change, evidently he doesn't feel the same about you or he would pay more attention to you and care about what you say and feel. Don't expect people to change because of you. People just change. Sometimes we just don't change together. You deserve to be happy. Life is too short to waste on someone that doesn't appreciate you. Move on!