I did not raise my daughter because I got divorced when she was 2. My ex-husband and his family got custody and then shut me out. I saw her maybe 3 times a year. I lived with guilt while she was growing up. Suddenly one day she appears at my door begging to stay so, of course I said yes. While she was here she got arrested. I found out she lied to me constantly, was taking drugs, stealing, etc. Needles to say I kicked her out but I am overwhelmed with guilt.
2006-09-29 17:47:31 · 23 answers · asked by jen_hop39 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Your guilt arises from the fact that you were not in her life, when you figure she needed you the most.
Now, the best thing you can do for her, is to be the strong one and refuse to let her stay with you, while she has all the problems she has.
But let her know that you will still be there, when she's ready to change her life around.
2006-09-29 17:53:53 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your guilt is a natural feeling, but what you did is reasonable.
I have kids ages 22, 21 and 18. Fortunately, after several years of being a juvenile delinquent and abusive of me and an underachiever, my now 18 year old really got his act together at 16. However, I told him and meant it, when he was 15, that if he did not get his act together, I would put him out 30 days after h.s. graduation, at which time he would have been 18 years 3 months.
Your daughter is an adult. Helping her to some extent is one thing. Enabling her maladjusted behavior, or enduring illegal and unhealthy activity in your home, is not wise or expected.
2006-09-30 00:53:25 · answer #2 · answered by catintrepid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a parent, no matter what we do there will always be guilt. Its our lot in life. Hell, I feel guilty when I ground my daughter from the telephone. I am worried about what I am doing to her social life- blah! If she does the crime she must do the time.
From an outside perspective, I think you did the right thing. How else is she going to learn that what she is doing is inappropriate? Someone needs to let her hit bottom before she will climb her way to the top.
2006-09-30 00:52:54 · answer #3 · answered by jmlmmlmll 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel guilty. Even though she is your daughter, she is more of a stranger to you then anything. Trust me you did the right thing. She has serious issues that she needs to deal with and hopefully she'll get the help she needs. It seem like she's relying on your "guilt" to bail her out of her situation.....DON'T !!! And don't let others lay guilt trips on you either, because "if" they care so much then they'll be there for her. TOUGH LOVE works.
2006-09-30 01:27:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why do you feel guilty? The other family got her and raised her. It is their fault not yours. A person only knows what they have been taught. In MY opinion, you deserve the Greatest Citizenship Award. Mainly because you stuck to your guns, and would not allow the previous guilt into letting you perpetuate her irregular lifestyle. The other folks are apparently enablers, while you are not--which it to be congradulated!! Too many people let their children get away with murder. God bless you!!!
2006-09-30 00:57:07 · answer #5 · answered by Chris 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel your pain. This is a matter for "Tough Love". Find the program, and get some help. Girls are more difficult, IMHO to deal with in this type of situation, because you invariably drive them right into the kind of lifestyle you have been trying to protect them from. They are more dependent on others, and the dangers of abuse are real.
But sometimes this has to be done in order to save them from self-destruction. I had to do this with my 19 y/o son. Unfortunately it didn't work very well, because I did not use any professional intervention., But, as far as I know, he is still alive, and self-supporting.
2006-09-30 00:57:54 · answer #6 · answered by seeitmiway32 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your guilt is probably a carryover for not being able to raise her.
Perhaps when (IF) she gains some maturity, she'll want to get to know and love you as a person.
In the meantime, throw out that guilt. It will eat you up inside. And it doesnt serve any other purpose at all.
No, I would not feel guilty at all, under the circumstance you describe.
2006-09-30 00:53:55 · answer #7 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well for one why did she show up at your door? im pretty sure you tried to help her and gave her chances. if she doesnt want to help herself there is nothing much you can do but maybe have her admitted by force to a rehab. other than that there is nothing you can do. i kicked my 20 yr old son out and luckily he did change for himself and joined the army. he is still the same on some things but he is working. but dont feel guilty she is an adult. im syre your ex has tried to help her. so just pray and maybe the next time she shows up at your door she will be asking to go to a hospital. you can help her get off drugs she has to make that choice and the programs are designed to deal with those problems good luck. dont feel guilty.
2006-09-30 00:57:28 · answer #8 · answered by eaglestraces123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont feel guilt you did the right thing but now you have to help her get over drugs and show her that there is more to life then just getting high all the time. But if she lies take off that belt and beat her ***. Or get a switch off the tree and show her whos runnin' things.
2006-09-30 00:52:41 · answer #9 · answered by Kendall S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not good at throwing people away there is something you can do. Hell: That is a lie. There is nothing that can be done until she outgrows drugs. Or we make the drugs legal and she becomes able to deal with the world on them. She's only twenty give her some more time. To me she's still a child and will be until she's in her thirtys
2006-09-30 00:58:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋