i'm not happy,i love him like a friend more and more everyday, just not like my soul mate anymore. so, why does the thought of letting everything go hurt so much? i try and make myself believe that everything is ok, but i feel like i'm not only cheating myself, but cheating my family also. how do i fix a marriage that i don't know if i want to be in anymore??????
2006-09-29 17:24:01 · 28 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You are afraid of letting go because it is something that is familiar. The unknown can be very scary. Have you sought counseling on the matter? You cannot stay with someone just because you think you should or that you may let your family down if you do not love them passionatly, you are not only cheating yourself out of real love, but the other person as well.
2006-09-29 17:27:46 · answer #1 · answered by babydoll121070 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At one time you were probably really in love and it does hurt to let go but if it cant be fixed you dont want to stay and be miserable. You may need to go seperate for a while and do some soul searching. My husband and I almost got divorced and at the time had one son and I was pregnant. We seperated for a while and once we were away from eachother both of us realized that we were taking eachother for granted and that trying to work things out was not only the best thing for us but for our kids too. We have a wonderful loving relationship now and all it took was some time away to realize that. Sometimes I think we are more in love now than before. We have been together since we were teenagers and have been married for 5 years. That may work for you and possibly counciling too. And if that still doesnt fix things maybe you both are better as friends. Sometimes people just grow apart. Good luck no matter what you decide to do.
2006-09-29 17:35:33 · answer #2 · answered by Amanda G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just because your not IN love doesn't mean that you can't still love him in so many other ways. It's hard to let go of something that has been a permanent thing in your life for some time now. I really think that you should try to move on while your feelings are this way about him and not to the point of annoyance or anger. That is the worst way to leave a relationship. If you want to be fair to everyone around you usually that means not making yourself happy and you come first. You are the only one who knows if you gave it your all and there's nothing left. Good luck!
2006-09-29 18:03:38 · answer #3 · answered by Charlie B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, your brain is tired. Quit trying to be so perfect. Any relationship becomes stale after a while. The secret is being playful like in the beginning. First of all has there been any cheating on either side? Second, go out together. Find that spark! Look at him as if he were your true soulmate. You do love him still, you are just bored. Read books on how to make a relationship work after the honeymoon period. Lots of luck. You will be okay.
2006-09-29 17:39:37 · answer #4 · answered by glenda576 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to seem so cynical, but I don't have a lot of faith in any of that "Soul mate" c**p. Marriage doesn't run on love power alone. It takes hard work from both of you. It's when both people loose the desire to keep working on their marriage that things really fall apart. So does he feel the same as you? Or is he oblivious to the whole situation. If you don't know for sure yourself & you've been keeping your doubts to yourself then you two aren't communicating.
Love may be the fuel that keeps a marriage running, but communication is the grease that lubricates the gears.
2006-09-29 17:36:20 · answer #5 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a marriage its basically hes not feeding my every need so I dont love him anymore (it sounds kinda greedy but its actually true) and vice versa. If marriage was so easy nobody would get divorced, remember theres probably things that he doesnt like about you but he still loves you, so rethink this whole thing before you go out and make a big mess of things and put youre family through something that couldve been saved just with more sacrifices, and in the end you re still totally in love with him.
2006-09-29 17:32:39 · answer #6 · answered by Melissa A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long have you been married? If you're in the first 5 or so years I'd say try counseling...and that's a somewhat arbitrary number...letting go is hard, I know firsthand...I'm starting a divorce after 16 yrs of marriage and yes, it's hard to let go but sometimes it's for the best...one word of advice? Don't take things personally, gain your strength and do what you need to do...don't stay because of everyone else, stay because *YOU* want to, same goes for leaving...good luck...
2006-09-29 17:28:27 · answer #7 · answered by BTDT...no thanks on the shirt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really feel for you..im in the same boat.One ques..any kids with him? If not..tell him the truth & leave..Go n lead the life you want.Its because you somewhat get used to him & the life you have with him that u fear what might happen if you leave..Thats why it hurts at times at the thought of letting go.I feel that way too towards my husband..i love him very much but only as a friend & father to my child..But do not make impulsive decision.You need to do some serious soul searching..& after then if you realize he's not for you...leave.
Praying for you...
2006-09-29 21:33:24 · answer #8 · answered by ddko 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I must must must disagree with the young lady who said that passion love is the driving force in a marriage, not friendship love. Look at it like this...would you rather marry your best friend or marry the person that ignites your passion but that you can't talk to? Passion fades...it's just a fact of marriage. Also....take the divorce option out of the equation. It's too easy. Would your relationship work if you BOTH put a little work into it?? Is there infidelity, abuse or cruelty? Or are you just bored?
2006-09-29 17:59:12 · answer #9 · answered by setfreeshayne 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, this does happen. People get older and chance and relationships aren't the same as they were.
The hard part is making the decision to leave. Even after I left my marriage of almost 7 years, 5 of them unhappy, I still thought about going back and it took counselling to see that I just couldn't do it and be happy.
2006-09-29 17:27:54 · answer #10 · answered by sarah071267 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋