Me and my husband have been growing apart... I have decided I wanted to get a divorce. Actually, I've thought about it a few times but I'm afraid. He can be very mad... and when I think about how he would react when I break the news... he might get very nutty. Is there anything I can do to make things easy for both of us? I still love him, I care for him dearly... like a brother (sadly), but I don't see any future with us together. It took me a few years to realize we aren't for each other... and now I don't know what to do, I'm not inlove with him any longer. Please don't suggest therapy, it won't solve any problem. I just want my life back... I know he doesn't want to get a divorce, niether one of us is doing anything wrong... can I get a divorce without him wanting to do so?
2006-09-29 15:55:43 · 12 answers · asked by xp office 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
To you who think I'm a selfish bit*h... you have no idea what you are talking about. I don't drink, I don't go to the club or bar, I don't like the attention from guys, I am being honest and since you don't know the whole story... well, let me tell you. He hasn't work for two years, he doesn't take care of his kid, he has no life, he doesn't want to get a job, he's grumpy all the time, he's addicted to porn and he's the one who goes to the bar and party his sh*tty life drinking and getting drunk with his friends... with my money! Oh! he leaves his kid with me while he goes out and enjoy life after I come home from a long day of work... and I'm 23 years old! It gets even uglier, but it's too disgusting for me to say. like I said, he has the right to be who he is, but I'm not about to let my life goes down the drain with his... don't be mean, I'm the one who' hurt not him. Maybe now, you'd understand why he doesn't want to get a divorce.
2006-09-29 16:50:17 · update #1
This could potentially get very messy. You could get all the paperwork done, file the petition, and just hand him the final decre to sign- but that's saying you're willing to just hand a bunch of stuff over to him so he doesn't fight you. If he fights you it could end up in mediation or court, which can be nasty and time consuming.
Yes though, the court will grant you the divorce without him wanting it. It's just more difficult to do than an uncontested divorce. You'll probably have to hire a lawyer.
Good luck!
2006-09-29 16:03:09 · answer #1 · answered by Alli 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if things are as bad as you say they are, there's a chance that he's not happy either. If nobody is doing anything wrong, then sit down with him and calmly try to talk this out. Be firm on getting a divorce. If you waiver, or hint at it, he'll think there's still hope. But if you take a stand, and say "this is it", he'll realize you mean it and if you take a positive approach about both of you finding happiness, maybe he won't flip out and agree. Tell him how you feel about him. Brother/sister relationships don't work in a marriage. Honesty is going to be your best policy here honey. If you lie, it'll snowball on you. This way you can walk away with a clear conscience, knowing that you were true to your heart.
I wish you luck and if you are fearful of him. Write it all down in a note, move out when he's at work and leave the note behind. I know it's extreme, but I would hate to see you be physically hurt while trying to pursue happiness the right way.
2006-09-29 23:12:07 · answer #2 · answered by Hollynfaith 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes you can get a divorce without him signing but once you file be prepared because if he doesn't want the divorce then after you file be ready for the possibility that he may become your enemy at least that's what happened to me when I filed,there is no easy way to do it you just have to be honest with him if you dont fell comfortable telling him alone then have a trusted family member there with you when you tell him or just file and let him get served the papers I know this way is cruel but you said you didnt know how he would react.
2006-09-29 23:08:49 · answer #3 · answered by CaliMa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no nice or easy way to tell someone you want a divorce. A divorce is harder on a person than the death of your spouse. The whole I love him but I'm not in love with him line is just an excuse. And I don't believe that you aren't doing anything wrong. You are contemplating doing the cruelest thing, to a person you claim to care about.
2006-09-29 23:06:15 · answer #4 · answered by nicky 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just have to let the chips fall as they might. You cannot control the world or anything in it so why try and bother? Just say you want a divorce and leave. If he gets "Nutty" what can you do? Nothing, so why trip over it. That would be pretty much his issue and not yours even though you care about him but if you are unhappy, GET GONE! Besides, he probably wouldn't think of giving you the same consideration you are contemplating giving him if he has some hot chick he was seeing. No doubt!
2006-09-29 23:00:43 · answer #5 · answered by soniaatcalifornia 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you have plenty of grounds for a divorce. In the state I live in one person can file and be granted a divorce even if the other person doesn't want one or files for themselves. You need to check the law in your state. If your life is as bad as it sounds with him, I would want a divorce and honestly there's probably no easy way to do it. You will just have to make up your mind and do what you feel is best.
2006-09-30 00:13:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You obviously know what you want. You should just tell him how you feel and get it over with. He'll have a lot of questions for you so be prepared to give answers. He may beg and plead for you to stay but you need to do what is best for you. The sooner the better for both of you. Yes you can get a divorce without him wanting one but it will cost ya. Good luck!
2006-09-29 23:11:53 · answer #7 · answered by Stormy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way to divorce on good terms is if you both wanted it. If he does not want a divorce - even though you are not happy you are going to hurt him. What ever happened to "for better or worse, in sickness and health, foresaking all others". Does anyone know the meaning of those words anymore??
2006-09-29 23:08:26 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like you have it all worked out already..and i do feel bad for you that is no life for any one to live..yes he might get mad..but let him get mad.sounds like you should be the one to get mad..and if he gets mad he will get over it and see where he went wrong and who knows maybe he will then get a job and stop going to bars...or at least he could take you if he go's out.some times it takes losing all a man has in life to see his wrong he has done and how he hurts the one he loves...butt hay if you look at him as a brother then thats no good at all...it is sad really for very one good luck to you.
2006-09-30 00:12:27 · answer #9 · answered by little_man432 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU ARE NOT SELFISH!! I just went through this w/my ex husband. I just wasn't in love with him anymore. So I filed for a divorce. We talked about it a lot. We're still close friends. Don't waste 30 years of your life in a loveless marriage.
2006-09-30 00:01:35 · answer #10 · answered by Josie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋