Ladies (or men) give me some advice on hubby?

Question

I am so upset with my husband. We are suppose to be getting our house ready to sell. We are currently in the process of building the new house. My husband is not working on the house itself, but constantly wanting to spend free time doing stuff to the land. The land is not in need of anything specific, he is just wasting time on it. No he is not off doing other things. He goes there with his dad. I have been stuck with the kids and trying to keep our house clean to sell. He has been getting mad at me because I am getting mad at him for not helping out here. It is a revolving circle of just complaining. I feel like I am just constantly nagging, but all I want is help around here. (He does typically help clean and pick up.) There are just things our house needs done to sell it.

Help me. I feel like just walking out. (I wouldn't really do that.) That is just what I feel like. We both have so much pressure and stress, that it is wearing thin.

Give me suggestions.

Well he is going with his dad tomorrow and plans on being there all day. His dad is even sleeping over to go with him. I want to yell, but can't with his dad here. We are having an open house on sunday and have so much to do.

We have a builder that is building the house, not my husband.

Answer 1

Stop the insanity honey! If someone else is building the house and being paid to do it, then why does your husband have to help? It makes sense that if someone was working on the house, he could at least work on the yard. Who wants to move in to a beautiful new house with a crappy yard. He's a man, and it's how he feels he's contributing.

However, I don't really think this is the reason you are so angry. I think it has more to do with the frustration level of everything around you. And I'm not chastising you. You have alot going on, you have the right to be frazzled. What you don't have the right to do is place blame on the hubby. If you want him to stay home and help you instead of work on the new yard...then you are going to have to say so. If you want him to fix up something on the old house so it will sell faster, then you are going to have to make that clear. If not, all this nagging and complaining is being done for nothing honey. The problem isn't going to go away...it's going to get bigger. This is the time where the two of you need to have a meeting of the minds. Admit your faults, ask each other for some help and develop some tolerance. Let go of the little things and start reminding yourself of the better qualities you like in each other. Then focus on them, compliment each other and after awhile, those characteristics you first fell in love with will start to resurface.

It's not a cure-all, especially for stressful situations, but I look at it this way.....For everything bad that happens, it could always be ten times worse. And if I look for the negative, I'm sure to find them; but if I look for the postitive, I'll find those as well. What I'm trying to say is that we each have a choice honey. Everyday is a new beginning. Now you can wake up tomorrow and do exactly as you did yesterday, knowing the outcome. Or you can say to yourself "Today, I'm going to try something different...today I'm making the choice to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and look for the silver lining".

Answer 2

him for not helping out here. It is a revolving circle of just complaining. I feel like I am just constantly nagging, but all I want is help around here. (He does typically help clean and pick up.) There are just things our house needs done to sell it.

Help me. I feel like just walking out. (I wouldn't really do that.) That is just what I feel like. We both have so much pressure and stress, that it is wearing thin.

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i coppied and pasted a part of what your saying to show you somthing. you and he are stressed and although it may not look like it becuase he isnt there he too is stressed... now when you get feeling like your at wits end you need to stop and take a breath. becuase you know the stress is building and it does have a way to make things seem worse (im not denying things are bad) but if it escalates then you two will move into your new house still mad. he has already proven he is going to do what he wants. and although it is a pain in the rear. start looking for the positives and dwell more on them, when the day is done start again..... i know im no help on suggesting how to get him to do what you need there but it goes along way to suggest that things at this point may be smaller in retrospect.......

Answer 3

It sounds to me like you both just need a break. I know you're stressed out, it's hard to build and sell at the same time. However, try to remember that he's under just as much pressure. Not only does he have to make sure that the house won't fall in on you when you move in, there's the water and sewer pipes outside, a possible sand mound, is the land even perked for water yet? Then on top of all of that, he has to do it all to code or the township will be breathing down his neck. All in the amount of time it takes to sell your house...while he's probably working a day job.
Like I said, not that you are not stressed out, but so is he. If he needs some time to step back and clear his head, he deserves it.
Meanwhile, if you start packing up your things a little everyday, not only will it be less to clean up, but you'll also have less to pack later AND the house will look much more spacious to potential buyers and they'll be able to envision their things in there easier.
Good luck! And be good to yourself as well.

Answer 4

Building a house is stressful, selling a house is stressful
I am sure he is trying to make sure that the contractor does not cut corners on anything, while at the same time doing the landscaping (maybe only thing he feels competent to do himself)
Men like to feel they had some part in makeing a house a home too.

Answer 5

Selling a house is VERY stressful. Sit him down & tell him that you are at the end of your rope & you NEED his help. Let him know the way his running off & puttering at the new house is making you feel. Remind him that once you sell the current house & get into the new one, there will be PLENTY of time to work on the yard there. And then you & the kids can help!

Answer 6

Sounds like he's really excited about the new home. Perhaps u two should set a time and day(s) to prioritize the things that need to be done immediately. Make a list of things that needs to be done and divide it accordingly. Try not to get on his defensive side as this might drive him further away from helping u. Instead, calmly discuss it and come to a compromise where u will both be happy. Besides, your new home isn't going anywhere and when everything that needs to be done is done, he can spend as much time as he wants tinkering with other things.

Answer 7

Youve got to talk. Communication is the most important thing. You are both stressed right now, wanting your house to be perfect to sell, wanting the new one done, and everything that goes with. Hes wanting one thing, and youre wanting another. You need to sit him down, stay calm, and just tell him whats on your mind and why its bothering you. You both have to sacrifice at times. The main thing, is dont let it get any worse. The stress is building.

Answer 8

Purchasing a house / remodelling one are top stressors in marriage. He is excited because the house will represent how he is providing for i.e. loving you. He may also be a yard type of guy.
Make out a schedule - he is responsible for x rooms in the house on y days. He is responsible for watching the kids from z to y while you recover.
Explain to him how much you appreciate his interest in the new house and how excited you are that he is doing for the both of you. Then suggest the schedule and ASK his thoughts.

Answer 9

well...sounds like to me he is just excited about building his new house and he wants to make sure his land is ready to do that but you need to explain to him, without shouting , that you really do need his help at home now because there's so much that needs to be done before you can sell your old home, try giving him a list of the things that need done, this helps sometimes so he can see for himself and you do need his help with the kids too so you can do what needs to be done in the house, let him know how stressed out you are right now , you know how men can be , they need to be told these things , they sometimes walk around with blind folders on hahah. good luck with your new home

Answer 10

You need to relax a bit, stop putting pressure, on yourself and your husband. I think if you have a better frame of mind, it would put every one at ease. So try and work on your self, smile and the world will smile with you. As of today, do what you have to do, and just let what ever happens, happens. Apologies to your husband, and say I just feel like it is so much to be done, but I guess you will get to it when you can, I bet he will do it, as soon as he can. And this will make you happier also! so just try and relax!