we are just not communicating? He says that he needs to have fun? well his fun ended in a dui, maybe a fling, and now he acts like he is mad at me. I came to live 1100miles away cause i knew he would mess up and i didn't want our kids around that. I still want to work things out but he don't want to even talk. A week ago he was telling me he loved me now he acts like he hates me. I am stupid for wanting to still be with him and i am obsessed with calling and wanting to know where he is at all times and now he won't talk. basically I am asking if i should just move on and get over it??? let him decide?? then if he doesn't want to be with me that scares me to be alone to raise my 4 kids. what do i do???
2006-09-29 13:51:39 · 13 answers · asked by djc 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
your not wrong for being affraid, becuase what you have done is truly frieghtning. but what you are doing is the right thing. if you remeber back in school it always hurt more when you got dumped then when you dumped somone else. and although you left him his acting as if he isnt in love, hurts you more. i would (if i was you) suspend any attemps to contact him make him be the one. concetrate on getting into the court house and getting your Childsupport order (if you havnt already done so) dont waivor on the childsupport..... short story..... my mother was left with out an education or any means of a real ability to pay bill and although we didnt have much of anything growing up she took on a full time job and went to school full time sacrificing alot to improve the lives of her three young children. always keeping in mind that if she didnt stick to her planns that her children could turn out to be like this man that walked out..... you need to decide if your children are worth the fight and if they are then you need find away to do it..... alot of praying at this point and possibly counseling to help you and your children in these trying times will go along way to making life happier for all of you.... i think your 4 children will later in life respect you leaving him and more respect you for making it work to secure their future...... good luck
2006-09-29 15:06:03 · answer #1 · answered by joe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that he is looking for a little freedom to do what he wants to do without having to answer to someone. My ex-husband did the same thing. There were many of times that I had gone back because I didn't want to let go, didn't know how to live without him....and was worried about raising a child on my own. This attachment is what takes away our identity. 11 years is a long time to be married, and to have this yanked out from under you has to be difficult..you can't stop caring for him because of this...but you can start caring about yourself. What I think you should do is separate from him and start your own life. Get someplace to live with the kids and begin your own life and routines. You CAN take care of your kids alone.....and just because you are separated from each other does not stop him from being the father.
If later you both decide to get back together and work things out....you will know. If not you will have found a way to live your life and move on. There are other men out there who will treat you right....and there are men out there who would love your children as well.
Good Luck.
2006-09-29 21:08:21 · answer #2 · answered by wintersimjp 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can decide if youre better off with him or without him. Yes, youll end up with the kids with child support but youll have to go it alone. It sounds like he definitely has issues he must correct before coming home or youll end up with the same problems as before. He wont decide if you leave it up to him, so give him an ultimatum, stand by it, and see what happens. Cut back on the calls so he knows youre serious, but tell him youre there if he wants to talk but he calls you. Also,dont trust his words, makehim get real help as a way to show you hes trying to change, or he will sweet talk you into anything. Just tell him exactly how you feel and that youve had enough, but now its up to him to show you what he wants or be ready to move on to greener pastures. Good luck
2006-09-29 21:07:31 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all, you need to get it together for the sake of your kids and come to the realization tha you may just end up a single mom and if so SO WHAT!! its not the end of the world people do it everyday and they survive. so just prepare yourself sor the worst. but at the same time, if you feel like you have the strength and you think your husband is worth it then you fight for your marriage. dont worry about what anyone else thinks if you want your husband then you go get him just make sure you givce him the time and space that he needs to get over whatever it is that he is going through. all you need to do is let him know that ypu are there for him whenever he needs to talk ands when he is ready to he can come back home. but dont be no damn fool!! ayou let him know that there will be no more dui charges are any more reasons for you to even suspect infidelity. just remember that in the endn only you know whether or not your marraige is worth saving.
2006-09-29 21:04:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Instead of focusing on your husband, put all of that energy into your children for now. It will keep your mind off of what he is doing or where he is. I know that this is easier said than done but they really need you during this time. Trust me, you brought 4 beautiful children into the world, you are stronger than you are giving yourself credit for. All marriages go through seasons, this may be yours. If he loves you and does not want to loose his family he will come around. In the meantime, I would not call him all the time.I am not saying to play games but make him wonder what you are doing for a change. Whatever the outcome, stay strong, your babies need you. Good luck and God bless!
2006-09-29 21:07:04 · answer #5 · answered by Kim M 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
SWEETY, you cant make someone want to be with you. if he is saying he needs to have fun then let him go, or he will come the excuse he wants a open marriage, then he will be out having fun & you will still be looking after the kids & house all on your own weather or not. SO. kick him out & you & the children have a good life on your own. because he is making your life a living hell. dont give him the chance to ruin all your lives tell him to go, good luck,
2006-09-29 21:01:01 · answer #6 · answered by KATIEKAT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no,don`t let him choose,you do it.It is not normal,and it is not fair what he is doing,let him go,forget about him,I know you have got kids together,my parents had me aswell,and that didn`t stop my mum to break off with him when he was doing wrong.your children will understand this,don`t but please don`t try to save your marriage just for them,you will be all your life unhappy.try to talk him,and tell him it is over,because you want so.it is just to much what he does,please,respect yourself,don`t let u down because of him...you don`t need someone like him.
and as I see,he doesn`t help u with anything in the raising process of your children,not even now,why should you stay any minute longer with him?
2006-09-29 21:05:52 · answer #7 · answered by donatella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is so hard for you, but unless he recommits to you, then it will be harder with him.
try to leave him completely alone for awhile. don't call and don't contact him for at least two or three weeks. See if he tries to contact you.
Seek some counselling advice and have fun and support your kids while you wait.
hang in there
2006-09-29 21:08:45 · answer #8 · answered by wayouthere 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will be better for both you and your kids not to be in a situation such as you described. Although it wont be easy to raise th kids alone,at least you wont have to your husbands problems.
2006-09-29 21:01:08 · answer #9 · answered by mopjky 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him to his own vices. Some people need to find out that the grass is not always greener on the other side for themselves. I am sure there is somebody else out there for you that is better for you and will love you for you.
2006-09-29 20:54:52 · answer #10 · answered by gruntman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋