Did I do the right thing?

Question

kind of long but...My boyfriend and I of 3 years broke up a month ago. I was begging him to come back, but he said no. So I quit asking. And seemed uninterested in getting back together. But then he asked me last night to get back together, and I said no. I told him that I wanted to just go back to dating, since we see eachother a couple days a week, and talk every day. I told him I wasn't ready to rush into the whole relationship thing because the same issues might arrise. I want to take this time to date and see if this "friendship" builds a better foundation for the relationship, and if it doesn't then we could just grow apart. I really do want to be back together, but things in the end got out of hand and I want him to prove himself before I do anything drastic likethat again. (he had a drinking problem, and threw me out of my chair the day before I broke it off.) He has since quit drinking, and is going to anger management, but I still want more reassurance. I love him dearly, and

believe he is the one for me, if we do get past this. he has made an unbelievable transformation already, but really I think I just want to fall in love all over again, that maybe I was to spothered. Since we have not been living together, and seeing eachother every day, it's like I'm in love with a completely different man. Did I make the right choice to try and wait? Or should I get back together now?

Answer 1

I think you made a very good choice, you need to take the time to know him again, your mind is exaclty where it should be, and good on you for that! if he has changed and things get better between you both then go for it, but dont make the same mistake twice, take your time.

Answer 2

WAIT!!!!! Definitely! It has only been a month since this all transpired. It is so much easier to fall back into something familiar, but a drinking problem does not get resolved in a month. I do believe a person can change if he/she truly and sincerely wants to. It must be for themselves first. The drinking is an "answer, or cure, or whatever you want to call it" to underlying issues that must be faced and accepted and resolved. The time apart as a living together couple will give each of you time to re-evaluate our own expectations and goals. If you BOTH truly love each other and both are each working towards the goal of being together again, then it mostly likely will happen. I believe you are doing the right thing by waiting and giving him the chance to resolve his issues!

Answer 3

well mandy sometimes transformation is hard for all people involved. it seems to be that you know that what you're doing feels right. fixing a drinking problem doesn't just occur over night.
it is a proccess and i don't think that either one of you want to see a quick fix, this takes time and growth. i had a big problem when i was younger. i believed i was being helped when in actuallity i was just trying to appiese those who loved me. the moment i found they saw a change i snuck around and partied else-where only to find myself in the same situation in a different place. to answer your question, take your time sweety. and be reassured that you are doing the right thing!

Answer 4

i think you should wait. he is to messed up to be in a relationship right now. he should be in anger man and possibly a.a. for 1 year before you try again. you did the right thing!!! its never worth it to be with someone abusive and has a drinking problem, kudo's to you for saving yourself years of misery and pain!!!!!!!!! if it is meant to be then you both will still feel the same way in a year, if not, your better off knowing now. if you really love him and want the relationship in a year if he has stayed sober and continued in anger man., then no i wouldn't date. you cant divide yourself, you either love him enough to wait for him or you dont. its better to maintain a "friendship" during this time of waiting and watching so that emotions dont make things worse. if he goes back to drinking or doesnt stay in anger man., then the best thing to do is just be his friend and move on. in time you will find the right one but never settle for someone abusive and who has alcohol and drug problems. good luck!!!

Answer 5

NO, you may love him dearly, but this relationship needs to be put behind you ... anything he does will be for you not for him and thats all bad ... for your own sake, either move on or refuse to date him for a full year. it takes that long for any tangible results when alcohol and violence are the combination. if he can stay clean and sober for 1 year and refrain from any form of violent behavior for the same length of time, then you may have a slim chance of success, however, if he falls off the wagon or displays any violent tendencies within that year, then he is not ready for a safe and happy relationship. YOU will NOT fix him. HE has to WANT to do this for HIMSELF alone and be committed to it.

if you can cross him off for a year, no dates, no casual get togethers, then maybe, but its still not a promising relationship. WIth either problem alone (drinking OR violence) its iffy, with both its a disaster waiting to happen ... move on

Answer 6

You are definitely doing the right thing!!! See if this change is for the long haul or just a shot at getting you back. Stick to your guns!!! Good luck!!

Answer 7

Yes, you did do the right thing. You want to see if he has truly changed for the better, and it's good to take these things slow. If he is genuine about his change, then he is gonna hang in there until you accept him.

Answer 8

yea u did , if he wants 2 go bac out wit u he would have changed his acted ndhe should be a betta man then he was before yall broke up

Answer 9

Yeah, take it slow. It let's both of you learn how to react without bringing up old issues.

Answer 10

keep his friendship dont just cut him off completly.
Go on a few dates have fun ,and take it one step at a time.