Their relationship has worsened over time. I feel I'm in the middle because I love them both. Now my fiance refuses to be around her or let her attend our wedding. It is tearing me up. What can I do?
2006-09-29 12:12:11 · 6 answers · asked by queenofshebadancer 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Clunk their heads together like the Three Stooges. Then calmly talk to each one and determine their grievances against the other. Then attempt to find some middle ground where they can agree to disagree, or make some conciliations.
If it was just the daughter then that would be easy, but now that your husband has an attitude too, your life is going to be difficult. No holidays, seeing them separately.
The fact that he has said he doesn't want to see her anymore shows that she's partly right. His position should be one of complete neutrality. He should take whatever BS she gives because he's the perceived "interloper," who wants to make a good impression, on both of you, and not drive apart a family. That's what he should do for you. Assuming she's not threatening and dangerous.
2006-09-29 12:21:40 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oooh, this is a tough one!!! You need to examine why the relationship has worsened over time. And quite frankly, this problem should have been addressed before he became your fiance. Don't let him dictate to you. Be your own person. If a marriage to this guy is going to work for you, my suggestion would be to sit them both down and discuss what the problem(s) is. If the hostility continues and they are both stubborn, then in my opinion you would be better off without him and your daughter would certainly feel the repercussion of your decision too. Otherwise, your life will be a living hell. I fully understand why you are being torn. Assuming you are near his age, you deserve happiness and contentment. Not bickering and fighting. As a rule of thumb when I started dating after my husband died, I made it clear to my male friends not to ever come between me and my daughters because they would lose! Fortunately my daughters have always supported me and only cared that I was happy, whether or not they liked the guy. Your daughter is 28 and a grown woman. She needs to get a life and let you be happy. As far as your fiance refusing to allow your daughter to attend the wedding, then I would tell him there would be no wedding. If you give in to this type of control, you are doomed. I would truly examine whether this relationship with your fiance is worth all the heartache you are going through. Being alone isn't that bad. I've adjusted and so will you. On the other hand, I wouldn't allow my grown daughter to dictate to me what I could and couldn't do. Good luck, honey. You are going to need it. My wish is for your happiness.
2006-09-29 19:43:51 · answer #2 · answered by Blondie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a serious red flag to me.
If two people I love are at odds, there is a big reason.
Your adult daughter must have strong feelings that need to be dealt with prior to that wedding date.
Your husband to be- is acting like a child (not handling it the best way-in response to her actions) by not forbidding your beloved child to a joy filled wedding.
I would take each into therapy separately to resolve this with a third person with a clear line of vision to help you all sort out the issues at hand.
I'm sorry to scare you~ This may be a deal breaker for you. YOU need to set the boundaries and rules for both prior to that wedding and understand that both will not be 100% happy about that choice on your part. You however need to feel 100% about that before you proceed in marriage.
Best wishes, We will keep this issue our prayers.
2006-09-29 19:25:24 · answer #3 · answered by Denise W 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If their relationship is so bad, it is understandable that he would not want to be around her.
However, you need to draw the line at the wedding part and INSIST that she attends. Speak to your daughter and ask her what the problem is, tell her you love and trust her and want to know why their relationship is so bad.
Warning: only do this if you really want to know the truth. It sounds like your daughter may have information that you would not want to know. Dont you dare pick your fiance over your daughter. That would be the biggest mistake of your whole, entire life!!!
2006-09-29 19:18:24 · answer #4 · answered by Just me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa - major control battle going on! First, you did not explain why she's upset with him - if she just thinks he's not good enough for you then that is her problem and she needs to deal with that. On the other hand, if he is being a baby about not inviting her to the wedding then you definitely have future issues with this guy.
Good Luck!
2006-09-29 19:21:56 · answer #5 · answered by RT 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you can't not be her mom, you can leave him and move on. I wouldn't ruin a relationship with a child over a lover.
2006-09-29 19:15:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋