When is a marriage over?

Question

At what point in time do you call it quits? When do you decide that you will never be together again? What is the final straw? I think my marriage is over. We are starting to fight if we're together more than an hour. Is now the time to leave or should I see if it gets better?

Answer 1

It's over when one of you are dead. Seriously. You don't call it quits. Marriage isn't always a picnic. It won't get better unless you two fight for it. You PROMISED to stay together for a lifetime. Right??? Try to find a good marriage counselor in your area. You'll never regret counseling. You may regret giving up too early.

Answer 2

Have you tried marriage counseling? What happens in most marriages is that people grow apart instead of growing together. People change as time goes on and in a marriage you have to grow w/those changes. Marriage is one of the hardest unions on earth and if you do not work at it than it will not work. Can you remember what it is that made you attracted to him the first time you saw the person? Do you think you can rekindle what you had. I do not believe in devorce. You said until death do you part not until you could not take anymore. You made that promise to God. You remind me of a friend of mine. Her marriage has good and bad points. They have been marriage 7 years and are determined not to be another statistic. They go out and pretend the are newlyweds all over again. The problem w/people these days is they do not take those vows sacredly. After all that is said I say try to work it out. Especially if you have a good one bc you know they are a dime a dozen. Ask yourself is there something that I am not doing or that I am doing that is causing the friction.

Answer 3

A marriage is over when one or both parties stop putting effort into each other. It isn't a 50/50 split. Both people need to be giving 100% at all times. Love isn't always easy.

If you love him, give counseling a shot...or try just refusing to fight. Let him fight with himself. After a while he will see how ridiculous he is being and will become more willing to calm down and actually talk.

If divorce is the final decision do NOT feel guilty. Sometimes things work and sometimes they don't. Life is too short to sit around being miserable when there is a way to make your life better. Best of luck to you both. :)

Answer 4

I agree wi/the poster that said it is over when you die. I think people give up way too easy in our society. You are going to have ups and downs in a marriage.

But that is my point of view ... In general, I think there are times when a marriage is over ... at that is when one of the parties has done something truly despicable -- e.g., if they are a pedophile. Also, if a spouse is cheating or physically or mentally abusing you in some way. I think these last things (cheating and emotional abuse) should be worked out through a counselor IF POSSIBLE. I know it is not always possible.

If you are fighting that much, then it really is time to bring in the help of an unbiased 3rd party, i.e., a marriage counselor, to help you learn why you are fighting so much and to help you deal with your anger and communication in a healthier and more productive way.

Answer 5

It's over when you want to be anywhere but home, when you now start asking friends to go out or come to the house in order to avoid any alone time with you're significant other, when sex becomes a task and not an urge anymore. There are several reasons, but you have to really look at your situation and remember how it was before your problems started. Every relationship can be salvaged just as long as it's done as a couple. Good luck!

Answer 6

This is a difficult time for you.

If it is any comfort to know, usually the women know when it is over. For some reason the guys never cotton on. They are less tuned in emotionally, or they can survive with less affection, like cacti, and still think there is something left.

In your situation, the recommended steps are counselling, to try to reconcile each other, and then if that fails, more to try and get you both talking about how you are going to sort out the separation.

Once you are decided to split and need to deal with property and child issues, I recommend mediation. Its cheap, and it works nine times out of ten.

I used to practice divorce law so please take this advice - avoid getting a lawyer if you can negotiate with your husband directly. Going to lawyers often just creates barriers and escalates animosity - positions get hardened and disputes go to hearings rather than be decided by agreement.

Answer 7

You fight when you're together more than an hour? At least there's the chemistry between you to spark a fight. If you just didn't care anymore, then you should be worrying. Contempt is far more destructive, far more damning, than anger or irritation.

All marriages go through bad patches; the secret is learning from each one so that they become fewer and the good patches become better. :)

Hang in there.

Answer 8

Why don't you try getting counseling and finding out what the problem is? You may discover it's something really silly, and can be fixed.

First, it probably isn't going to get better spontaneously. It usually takes some effort and maybe communications.

Second, while I'm not against divorce, I think you owe it to yourself to put a real effort into making it work. Otherwise, what was the point in getting married in the first place?

Answer 9

It depends on how much stock you put into your vows. Are you willing to try to work things out?

My DH and I fought a lot during the 1st 3 years of marriage. It took time to learn how to argue without getting pissed off every time. I felt like giving up many times, but never did. I meant it when I said "for better or worse". Unless there's abuse involved, problems can usually be resolved with effort put into it on both sides.

Now we're older, more mature, and have learned how to communicate with each other. He's my best friend, and I'm glad I never gave up.

Answer 10

Well, I guess I would have to say that a marriage is over when u feel that u and your spouse are at opposite ends of the world in values and views. When you don't miss him when his gone, when you stop sharing and communicating. When you get irritated every time he is around. When you start seeing your future as one person instead of a couple. Does that help at all? Good luck!