My husband is very secretive about the internet....?

Question

He accidently left his part of the net open (yes he has a PW for it and NO I don't know it) and left our house. Of course I decided to snoop. I do not like what I found. I found an e-mail he had sent through craigs list to some local woman saying "I am for real and love to play".. I also found that he is a member of this website called "adultfriendfinder.com" in which he PAYS to be a member. I saw the profiles he looked at and was disgusted. I made my own name so I could make sure he really was a member and I confirmed it and found him on there. He has been using this site for atleast the last two days, maybe more? I don't really know. Anyways I am very upset, I am 9 months pregnant, due on sunday the 1st and my husband is messing around? Or is he? I don't know what to do? Any advice?

I have joined the site, I am just so pissed. we have been together for almost 11 years. I don't understand men.. And how do I snoop on his craigs list? apparently he messaged this girl through the personals. Anyone know?

Yes I printed every piece of evidence I could, I do not want him to have any chance to deny. It's just going to be hard for me to confront him without being super emotional.

Answer 1

OUCH! That's a low blow. You're pregnant and he's looking (or worse) somewhere else. I would confront him...nicely, but firmly about what you discovered. Did you print anything out to prove it? I would. Then he can't deny any of it. I guess his reaction to your confrontation will determine what you need to do. If he's not sorry, then it's time for counseling or the door for him. If he is sorry, it's time for counseling. This should be a happy time for you and it's not...I'm truly sorry about that.

:::edit:::don't worry about being emotional...he should see how much he hurt you...and, I couldn't stop the tear when I was pregnant and don't know anyone who can/could.

Answer 2

You are obviously at a decision point.

Guys get weird during pregnancy. This is how some deal. I'm not saying it is right, but I think you need to figure out if:

1. This is just a temporary reaction he is having because of all the changes / responsibility that is coming your way;

2. Is this something that has been going on a long time;

3. What your feelings are about infidelity - what you are and are not willing to accept.

4. How your choice impacts your legal rights (i.e. are you going to divorce him over this? if you forgive or condone the adultery, then you may be losing it as a claim in a potential divorce).


Adultery does not have to be the end of the marriage. Obviously it needs to stop - but you do not even know, for sure, what he is up to.

If you do want to know, a good place to check is cell phone records. If he is making calls to lots of strange numbers at strange times, etc. Then that suggests he is doing stuff. If he isn't - then maybe he is just blowing off steam by playing around on the internet (i.e. not technically cheating).

Answer 3

Honey I have been through the same thing you are going through. If your husband hasn't cheated on you yet, then it will probably happen in the future. Any man or woman that is going to get verbally or physically intimate with someone is wrong. In my eye, he has already cheated, but who am I to judge? Instead of logging onto these sites under false names, you could just download a keylogger(I just so happen to have one and I would love to send you the link if you'd like). A keylogger monitors every button pushed, every page visited, and every PM sent. When I was in your situation, I snooped and I didn't like what I found. That's natural to snoop. It's what people do. You have to be prepared for whatever you are about to find. It might disappoint and even hurt you, but if this man is doing things behind your back, you have every right to know. You two are about to have a baby and the last thing you want to do is bring a baby into an uphappy household. Monitor his activity for a couple of days or even weeks until you have enough evidence to confront him. When you confront him, he is probably going to deny everything and try to make you feel as if you are wrong. Don't let it get to you. Be a strong woman and do what you have to do. I'm pretty sure you have alot of people that love and care for you and your unborn child. So don't be afraid.


Email me if you want the Key logger.

Answer 4

I'd confront him. Who cares if you're emotional. Best care scenario, he's just playing on the net, and although you (and the rest of us for your sake) would prefer he wasn't even doing that, it's MUCH MUCH MUCH better than if he was actually cheating with a real live person. So much better!! maybe you guys will need some time to talk it out or to go to therapy, but you can get through it.

And if he IS going out and meeting these women, better to know now and get him out of your life before he has any influence on your child. It won't be easy, but it's better for the baby.

Good luck!!

Answer 5

Your husband is not necessarily messing around. You are 9-months pregnant. He's feeling a bit deprived so he may well just be looking for a bit of fantasy in online relations. It doesn't have to mean he's been or is planning to be unfaithful to you. A lot of men do this. I myself have done so, but never went through with any assignation that had been possible. The closest I got was a intense, and loving, online cybersex relationship with a woman who was sensitive and mature. It lasted a few months and she broke it off. It was at a time when I felt discouraged about my marriage and my wife's disinterest in sex. I'm not saying it's right, only that I wouldn't jump to conclusions without further evidence.

Answer 6

Adult friend finder IS a site for those looking for sexual partners. Being a member isn't proof that he's cheating, but is strong circumstantial evidence. But, the e-mail saying he's real. and loves to play IS pretty damming. Sorry, but if he isn't cheating, he's thinking about it at least. I suggest that you confront hubby, and find out just what he's doing. By the way, the aff membership probably was paid for via credit card. Check your old credit card records. It might not show up as what it was, but you could go to the site, and go through the sign-up steps, until you find out what they say will show up on your credit card , and then you will know what to look for.

Answer 7

I have known friends and family alike to get caught up in the Internet personals; most ending in divorce, or breaking up. However, before you do so, try this. Of course I don't know what you two's relationship is like, but if the spark isn't where it used to be, than use this to your advantage. Strike up a conversation with him over the Internet. Be crafty in your words. Seduce him, if you will. After a period of these hot and heavy conversations, ask him to meet at a hotel. This just may bring the spark back, and make him realize what he may loose if he continues to do this. You never know it just may work. Good luck!

Answer 8

This is just a small world...I was with someone for 8 years, we have a daughter, and when I was pregnant, he was on adultfriendfinder. I actually set up a fake account and emailed him and kept it going for a while, I asked to meet him and when he said he would I told him. He said he knew it was me the whole time, but I'm not an idiot. I just can't believe that men do these things, especially when there is a baby on the way. Sorry honey, but he has every intention of cheating. The only way to catch him is entrapement. The only way you will know what he is saying to these girls, is if you become one of them and catch his attention.

Answer 9

i never agree with snooping! HOWEVER i never agree to passwords either!. My hubby and i both know each others mail addy and how to access it. I don't check his mail but if I'm in the room he's checking mail he never closes it or acts like he has anything to hide. This is just so sad on his part! i would be so damnn mad i would not have been able to ask this question before kicking him out. I WOULD TELL HIM tell him you snooped tell him your GLAD YOU DID. He's gross he could bring you a STD he could infect his BABY with it. You have a right to answers I'd make him tell you what he's been up to. You should have really STOOD up before a guy who acts secretive is HIDING things. I'm so sorry I'm 7 months pregnant i could not HANDLE if this happened to me/.

Answer 10

I have also gone thru this. If your husband is sneaking, hiding, lying and flirting then in my opinion, this is the same as "cheating" and take it from someone that has gone thru this, it isn't likely to stop, whether you confront him or not.... The question is: Do you want to tolerate this type of behavior....If he holds these types of characteristics the question then becomes, if he will do these things online, why wouldn't he do them in person? Your first priority is your child and yourself, as for him, tell him what you know and then let the chips fall where they may.