We have been living together for over a year and plan to marry and every time we're stressed out I get hit. I know I know leave him! But I do love him and usually we get along fine! Am very confused!!!! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!
2006-09-29 11:16:16 · 35 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Let's rephrase the question:
"why is my man so nasty?" I allowed my BF to hit me and he said he was sorry...
He might "feel sorry" that he hits you but does not mean that he will stop. As a previous poster notes... it only escalates.
The question that you should seek an answer to is "why do I allow my boyfriend to hit me time and time again?"
I would guess that your dad or mom hit you when you were young all while saying something like "I hit you because I love you". This allows you to accept being hit by "loved ones".
This is most likely why you stay in a relationship that you know will fail sooner than later. In the meantime prepare for the abuse to continue since your boyfriend does not seem to want to fix himself. If he did he would not be dating ANYONE for the time being.
Do both of yourselves a favor and terminate the relationship. Go and get to know yourself before attempting to know someone else.
Good Luck
2006-09-29 11:30:27 · answer #1 · answered by zeus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get out...leave right now and do not look back. As long as you are around him and have contact with him you will always go back to him. Can you go back home with your parents or a family member ? If you put some distance between the two of you and can find someone to talk to you might find a little clarity. As a former police investigator I can assure you that it will only get worse. It will only end when your dead or you find the courage to leave him and stay away.
What will you do when you have children ? They will be effected by that too ya know....why would you raise them in that kind of environment ? You won't if you love them......down the road depending if you have a son or a daughter they will do the same things...either be the hitter or pick a man just like dad.
Precious the decision you need to make NOW will not only effect you but other as well.
Don't mean to come across as the "Heavy" here precious, but you need to leave.
He dosen't love you precous.......but you know that don't you ?
2006-09-29 11:31:18 · answer #2 · answered by Michael H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a glimpse, girl. Look at your past and you will see the future. Nobody should EVER hit out of anger. It is abuse. So you have a baby and he is stressed from being up all night with you or woken up several times, or the baby is colic. He hits the baby, or he shakes the baby. Apologies do not fix brain damage. Think about it. He's doing the same to you. You can love him and know you cannot be together. That is ok, what is not ok is subjecting your unborn children to potential abuse. Find someone who does not hit you. There are many out there without this problem.
2006-09-29 11:23:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to call some helpline and talk to someone, cause it's hard for someone on here to give you advice. But I will try to tell you what I think. Not all men are nasty. There's a lot of hot, sexy, wonderfull, caring guys out there - lots!!!!! Maybe you deserve better. I am not you, I would leave him. You obviously think there is hope for the two of you and he doesn't want to be like that so my answer is this - Talk to him about going to see a counsellor together. I know it sounds lame, but you have to respect yourself, girl, and I think that's the only other option. If you think you can talk to him about getting help, then do that. If you are scared to ask him and think he will beat you up for asking, I think you know that it's time to leave.
2006-09-29 11:33:26 · answer #4 · answered by booha! 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he needs professional help to learn how to handle himself
however sorry he is - marrying him would be a mistake until he is capable of LIVING OUT his sorries
and he wont (and cant) without a deep down change
as to him hitting you - if you stay then you are showing him that there are NO CONSEQUENCES to his violent behaviour
zero tolerance of hitting means that the first time is the last time - over time your own heart will heal and you will be able to start over with someone else who is not violent towards you
there is nothing wrong with you loving someone but however well you think you know someone - think of it this way - does he love you enough to learn to control himself?
every marriage has stresses - is he going to hit you every time either of you reaches a bump in the road?
without telling you what to do - i find it hard to see a future of the relationship
2006-09-29 11:28:12 · answer #5 · answered by Aslan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Historically, violence escalates in a relationship when it exists. This is NOT a healthy relationship. Each time you are struck, you lose empowerment and pretty soon, you will be a punching bag for everything he perceives is wrong in his life and too afraid or traumatised to leave. I was married for 20 years and never once struck my wife and believe me, i was plenty stressed.
It is important that you leave this destructive relationship before you become afraid that no one else would want you, and psychologically, that is where you are headed with this one.
How can you love a man whose solution to anger is to blame you and strike you? it will disempower and generate low self esteem in you. this is already an established behavioral solution to his stress and anger and will make you into a submissive slave.
I cant stress enough how important to your health and mental well being it is for you to get out of this destructive relationship. You might also wish to get some counselling to find out why you find his hitting you as acceptable ... its never acceptable, its cowardice
run, dont walk to the nearest exit, this would be a disasterous marriage
2006-09-29 11:18:10 · answer #6 · answered by casurfwatcher 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
very simple... leave his sorry asssss! if u wanna keep making up excuses for him hitting u then ur the dumb assss darlin, cause no one deserves to be physically abused by another.. there is no excuse or reason he should ever raise his hand to anyone.. he's gonna keep hitting u and keep apologizing cause ur not doing anything to help the situation as in leaving him..
u allow him to hit u and then apologize like sorry did it.. sorry didnt' do it, u need to think bout when the next time he hits u and u can't get up then what? u need to go and press charges, get a restraining order and move on... u can't help someone who doesn't want to be hit.. he's the one who needs to get help and he needs to realize that he has a problem.. but if u like getting ur asss whipped then u deserve everything he dishes out....
2006-09-29 11:22:45 · answer #7 · answered by Queen D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No confusion! 1st. either get out or get to your doctors - they will help! There is no going back - the trust that was there when you met is gone - it just gets worse from here on in. I don't have any experience with physical abuse - but mental yes. I have seen it with a friend - for years - she now is trying to find all the $$$ the guy hid after all the years of hitting!!!! For better or worse just sometimes never gets better.
2006-09-29 11:21:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all real men don't hit women. So as he has hit you he ain't a man just an immature selfish idiot. He clearly has anger management issues. In English he had temper tantrums and acts out by using you for a punching bag..
So he either needs to get some help or you need to leave him.
TELL HIM GET HELP OR YOU ARE LEAVING .... THEN IF HE REFUSES LEAVE HIM.
You don't deserve this crap.
2006-09-29 11:27:47 · answer #9 · answered by my_iq_135 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't make the mistake of saying "men" are nasty. THIS MAN is nasty. Kick him out, get one that doesn't hit you. If you convince yourself that "they're all the same" then you won't bother aiming higher. Don't be stupid and marry him anyway - you're putting your life at risk. Don't take "I can change" for an answer. Blah blah blah. Do you want somebody who's all talk? Who cares if he SAYS he can change if he still hits you.
His stuff. The lawn. Tomorrow. Do it.
2006-09-29 11:24:48 · answer #10 · answered by kirun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋