Help my parent's hate my fiance?

Question

My parent's both hate my fiance, because of some choices that he's made in the past. We are getting married in May and I want them to be at the wedding. Is there a way to get them all to say their peace to each other, or at least act civil during the ceremony?

Answer 1

If I didn't know better, I would have thought I asked this question! I'm sorry, I have no solution as of yet.

Answer 2

I think if there are an issues, you should at least make an attempt to resolve them before the wedding. If your parents still disapprove so much and attend the wedding, how do you think it will make you feel? I don't think you'll have a very nice wedding day, if you saw your parents upset at the wedding. Also, what would happen if they actually said something whenever the minister asks "does anyone object to this union...or forever hold your peace"?

You should deal with it now. If you clear the air, then perhaps your parents will be happy for you on your wedding day and it will be wonderful. If it still doesn't help, then you will at least know whether it will be bad enough that you shouldn't invite your parents.

Answer 3

Are those choices still affecting your relationship now? If so, your parents may have a reason to dislike him.

I would get them all together in a public place (a library is best) so there is less chance for a blow-out. Have some topics open for discussion. You be the moderator, and do not allow any name-calling, bad language or fingerpointing, on either side. Each side gets 7 minutes to present their side, and the other side gets 5 minutes for rebuttal. Have a stop watch handy so no one goes over their time.

Do this soon, before your wedding date. That's enough stress on you already. Good luck, and let us know what happens.

Answer 4

The only way is for YOU to speak with them directly. BUT remember, they ARE older and more experienced than you are, and they have seen and experienced and have encountered a lot more than you have in your young life... it's called EXPERIENCE.

Do you have an idea how many times I've told younger people things only to have them give me the opportunity to say, "I told you so" (which I refuse to do... because the unspoken often screams louder than the spoken word)? (In my family, I am often referred to as "the prophet" and my neighbors call me "el profesor"... go figure!). Listen to what they have to say, weigh it out and express YOUR reasons without getting emotional about it; keep it intelligent and unemotional. They may be mistaken... and they may be right; they don't want YOU to ruin your life... can you blame them for that?

Remember, you make the bed you lie in. If you already see aspects of your boyfriend that you do not like, don't think you can "change" him once you're married... it won't work... it never does!

YOU are going to think and reason a lot different (in fact, pretty much like your parents) when you are parents' age. It happens. It's the way life is. It's inevitable. I have spoken.

HOWEVER, if you wish to go ahead with the wedding, speak with them and give them their invitation and let them know that it would make you happy if they were there to support you emotionally, at the very least, and as a show of love. Tell your dad that you will still love him even it what you are doing turns out to be a mistake, as he now believes. Some people DO change... I'd like to believe that I'm a far better person today than I was 20-30 years ago; it's taken me a lot of mistakes to be the person I am today... but I WANTED to be a better person and have worked very hard to be a far better person than I was.

Good luck and very best wishes.

Answer 5

Honey,
I really feel your pain. I am in the exact situation. I would to speak your parents and suggest that they let him know how they feel. I would also express to them that you really would like them there, but if they cannot put aside their indifference toward him for this one day, then maybe you should resolve in the fact that they may not be present at your nuptials and be ok with that. i know it is hard to settle on that because i believe most females dream of their daddy giving them away on their wedding day and mommy crying tears of joy, but in real life that is not how the scenario plays out sometimes. i look at the marriage ceremony as a symbol of a new life and new beginning. i believe that it is a union ordained by God and that any person/persons, not supportive or in the same mindset, should not partake in the ritual. No matter who it is.

Answer 6

You might be happier if they weren't there to throw a possible fit at your wedding. Have you thought of eloping? I did, and I'm so very glad. It made for such a wonderful stress-free day.

You also might really want to spend some time thinking about those "choices that he's made in the past" that upset your parents. It has been my experience that leopards really never change their spots and that choices made in the past will be the ones made in the future. (I think it was Dr. Phil who said that the best predictor of future choices is past behavior.)

Could you stay with him if he were to make those same choices? Chances are good that he will. Think about it hard. I didn't and regret it deeply.

Answer 7

I know what you mean. Only it is my father who hates my husband and we have 4 children.. Go figure.
I dont have a relationship with my father however my husband isnt the cause of it, just merely one of the many factors and I dont regret my marriage to him AT ALL.

Remind your parents of the mistakes they have made and how they worked thru them. Remind them that no one is perfect and although you dont know the details of your parents mistakes or all of them, you know your man is a good guy.
Tell them that you love them,but they cant fulfill every need that you have that makes you the well rounded woman that you are. And this man fulfills you, completely.
Tell them how you feel and let them know that to be a part of your life or not to be is COMPLETLY THEIR OWN CHOICE, not yours. If your fiance was still makeing the same choices he had made in the past you wouldnt be with him. Its every parents concern for their child to marry well, thats normal
You have to stand your ground, just remind them that you arent doing this to hurt them, but you love this man, and you dont expect them to care for him the way you do, but theyhave to at the very LEAST, be cordial, courteous and polite. If they cant do that, then dont bother being a part of your life.
They'll come around and if they dont, well it's their loss.

Answer 8

Your parents have your best interests at heart ... step back and take a look at the issues they are concerned about and decide if you would recommend a friend to marry a person who made those same choices. is your love blinding you to a possibly bad choice on your part? sometimes, love is not enough to mitigate a history of bad choices that would continue into marriage.

If you can say yes after reflection, then you will have the answers you need to present your case with reasoning and facts to your parents to convince them to support your decision

Answer 9

Your parents are not the one in a relationship with him.
How long ago was it that your fiance made these bad decisions?
Do you parents have reason to believe that he is still making these decisons.
Although you want your parents to be at your wedding if they can't accept your mate then they can't accept you either.
They need to realize that they raised you right and you are mature enough to make your own decisions.
Good Luck!

Answer 10

I hate to enable you realize, yet you will desire to anticipate to diminish the binds with your mothers and fathers in case you marry somebody that they don't approve of. it is not correct that they are incorrect, yet they are able to tend to intrude in each and everything on your life. My sister's MIL did that usually until eventually they ultimately divorced. My brother and SIL had to circulate removed from the two my mothers and fathers (who would be unable to stand my SIL) and her mom (who theory my brother became into below her daughter). they are nonetheless married soley because of the fact they placed their own kin first; they wouldn't have had to try this and that i can enable you realize that my mothers and fathers nonetheless are not getting it! In-rules are the extensive type 5 reason of divorce. collectively as your mothers and fathers will continually be there, you're making your individual kin. in the event that they are able to't settle for that, do not stay interior of sight and enable them to circulate on with their lives. do not ruin all your holidays traveling them the two. in the journey that your persons additionally theory he became into undesirable for you or any drugs/alcohol/controlling habit became into occurring, then i might say you will desire to hearken to that advice. I disagree with a great style of the different posters nonetheless. At 22 and school knowledgeable, in case you have not stood back and regarded on the fiance without love blinders, you would be in simple terms as stupid at 30. i don't think which you're that naive!

Answer 11

usually parents are a better judge of people then their kids I BET they have very VALID reasons for hating him. When i was younger and dating my grandmother dis liked all my bf's SHE WAS DEAD ON they all turned out to be LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!. The guy i married my granny thinks very highly of. You can't expet them to change their minds you can only ask them to respect your choice and to be there 4 you. In the end i'll put my money on THEM being right about this guy.