Me and my fiance have been dating and together for little over a year..we got along great at first..i thought shed be the one. But the last few months..she has lost her job and i went on workmans comp. We dont not live together currently, she lives about 3 hours away. We argue all the time and she accuses me of doing things like talking to ex's, going out, doing drugs, etc. etc. which none i have not done. I am on the phone with her at least 8-9 hours a day anymore. We have said we both wanted a split at different times..but ended up back together. I do love her and i always will..i think we would have made better friends..I have tried to tell her this but she either wants fiance or nothing. I really dont want her to hate me..but i think we both need to move on so we can both get our lives going. I would like to still be friends with her..at least to say merry christmas or happy birthday..but she says she dont know if she can..but she would always love me..how do i do this ladies?
2006-09-29 09:49:11 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Just be honest with her...and realize you cannot control how she chooses to react, only your own actions/reactions.
If she wants to cut all ties, then let her go...when her feelings and heart heal, she may be ready to communicate again...
...but get it over with...no point in dragging this on for either of you if it's just not working...better to be single/alone than in a relationship that's not right for you.
2006-09-29 09:53:47 · answer #1 · answered by . 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow this is a hard situation. Best way to put it....some people just bring out the worst in each other and others bring out the best. It sounds like you are both unhappy and are afraid of what it might be without each other. Also sometimes when you have the ingagement happening sometimes breaking it off can cause fear of giving up or failing. If you can't get along now then the easiest way is to say by this day Sunday October 1st we are no longer engaged. Put a date on it and make it final. It sounds silly but works.
Good Luck!
2006-09-29 09:56:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Buttercup up there answering this question soooo nasty when you only know a part of the story..the only give you so much space. I am the same person who wrote it..I will tell you i supported her and spent everything on her. You shouldnt answer if you have"men" problems. I DID and DO love her..we just cant make it work. I am not going to "support" her as in..she is going to have to work too..she has shown no drive to do anything but sit at home and use the phone as a dog collar. Her mother doent like her datin long hair tatted up guys..and of course is always telling her how bad i am..even though i bought her mothers day gift and her dads fathers day gift, cause she had no loot. Its just not that..i need someone to help and move foward. Maybe in another time or place.
2006-09-29 14:26:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men, men, men. Why are all men like this. Why do you still want to be friend when it hurts like hell (emotionally) when you broke up a relationship with your gf/fiance'......or it hurt your gf/fiance' too much that she has to break up with you. Personally, I don't want to be friend or become one once the relationship is broken up. If I run into my ex, I would say hello and how are you, but that's about it. To maintain a relationship on a regular basis is impossible.
If you both decided that breaking up is the only way, then let it be. If you mean for each other than love will find the way. Time will tell, but don't forget life goes on. Good luck!
2006-09-29 10:00:35 · answer #4 · answered by TheOne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say but there is no way. If she loves you enough to marry you there nothing you can say to make her change her mind. The only way to possibly stay friends with her after its over is to give her some time to cool off and maybe try after a month or two to see if you can be friends. As for birthdays, chrismas, ect. call her or write her or send her a card wether she likes it or not. Maybe after she sees that you still care enough to still think about the little things she'll realize that just friends is that better than nothing at all.
2006-09-29 10:01:23 · answer #5 · answered by bcch89 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that because things don't seem to be going well for the two of you at the moment you think it would be wise to take time away from each other so you both and I stress both of you can decide if the relationship is what you both really want. never use the words you or me as it tends to come across as an attack on the other person. Other than that there is not much you can do as you cannot control what she will think and do.
2006-09-29 09:57:03 · answer #6 · answered by Red 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how to help you say it any better than you've said it right here. Sitting down with her face to face and saying, "Hon, I have to share these things with you, and it's not going to be easy for either of us, but I know in my heart it's the right thing to do" seems to be the best tact.
Remember when Brad Pitt was breaking up with Jennifer Aniston? The photos showed a couple on the beach with him having his arm around her protectively, trying to help her come to grips with the fact that they were over. Hold your ground. Don't let her talk you out of it. You can love her but know in your heart that you just aren't in it for the long haul. But you can still break the news gently and with kindness. You don't have to explain yourself. Just listen to her and tell her that you know it's hard.
As far as the Birthday and Christmas thing goes, if she gives you an ultimatum and says "all or nothing," then it's in your court to choose. (My gut tells me you would be happier with nothing than with everything.) And then, if you choose "nothing," you have to respect that. No calling her up next month for a little nookie because you know it's available. That would be bad form.
What *you* need to realize is that she's probably going to try to use every manipulation trick in the book to get you to stay. How much you choose to be manipulated is up to you. Good luck!
2006-09-29 09:57:06 · answer #7 · answered by writerchick 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't do it without any hate or anger. You've only been with her for a year, so don't sweat it. Just do it and if she wants a clean break, let her have it. If she wants to be friends, have a go, but don't be too surprised to end up wanting a clean break yourself.
Tell her to her face. Give her a reason she can understand. Let her talk, ask etc. Let her be angry but don't retaliate. Be firm, don't waver, stay consistent. Don't cut her off immediately if she doesn't want that, but progressively limit her access to you over 3 or 4 weeks.
2006-09-29 10:09:03 · answer #8 · answered by servir tres frais 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget about hate and anger and just do it already. Personally, I don't get "I do love her and always will" or "I would like to still be friends". If she's not the one, make the break and move on with your life WITHOUT her. I do want to say that it sounds like things were great until she lost her job and had to go on workman's comp. When the going gets tough, it sounds like "you get going". (ie. leave). So, do her a favor and get lost.
2006-09-29 09:56:02 · answer #9 · answered by butrcupps 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you don't want to be with her, then you can't be friends with her right now. I know that both of you have feelings, but what you have to understand is that the only way she's going to move on is if you two aren't friends and you leave her alone. You have to give her time to get over you. You two will never be friends if you don't. Don't be mean to her, but if she wants a committment that you are not willing to give right now, then the best thing to do is break up with her and leave her alone. When she is ready to be friends with you she'll call you if she wants to. You also have to understand that this is it. You can't play with her emotions. If you break up, you HAVE to leave her alone and that doesn't mean she'll ever be your friend again.
2006-09-29 09:55:48 · answer #10 · answered by Rica 82 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋