I have this mindset... where its like, I feel like I have to be good in the eyes of everyone. As a result I'm pretty shy. I worry what other people think about me. I just moved to college, been here a week and haven't really made any friends. Some acquaintances, people I smile at or talk a little with in the elevator, but everyone else is walking to class with their new friends, going out at night. And I'm just trying to make myself feel busy.. alone. It sucks. At home it wasn't like this, I had friends and had a good time.
How can I overcome my shyness? How can I overcome my fear that people will judge me? How can I just open up and have fun? My roommates aren't really the kind of guy's I'd hang out with, but one of them offered for me to hang out with him and I just rejected him. i don't know why. I just don't want all of college to be like this. It's only a week in and I'm already having second thoughts - about going back to community college at home or something.
2006-09-29 09:27:19 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Higher Education (University +)
I am 30 years old and I only returned to college 2 years ago. The way that I started making friends was talking to people who were in my classes about subjects related to that class. After I got to know them conversations opened up to other things. If you have a specific major you might start seeing the same people in your classes and will start making friendships with them. All the friends I have in college now are people who I had a few classes with, started conversations about class, had study groups with them, and eventually it grew into friendships. This is only your first week, so don't get too nervous. You could also try joining a group or organization that holds similar interests or beliefs that you have. That way you would have something in common and it will be easier to make friends. Good luck in school.
2006-09-29 09:40:10 · answer #1 · answered by jjodom1010 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I hope you understand many people feel the same way. If only there was an easy way to get you all together, huh?
I was concerned at first with having only very superficial relationships, but that is natural within the first few weeks. My expectations were way too high- it takes a few months sometimes before one feels a real connection.
This Perfectionism dilemma is kinda common, too. What pushed me out of that was having somebody force me to realize that the actions I took trying to be good in the eyes of everyone only alienated people, and pushed those further away that I was so desperate to win approval and pull closer.
Bit of a condundrum, no?
So you have the right idea about trying not to be so self conscious. The best way to do that differs from person to person. Some things to keep in mind to begin, though:
You are at a college other people chose, so you have something fundamentally in common there. (Why did you all chose it?)
People DO want to be friends with you (you've been given invites).
You have acquaintances (a terrific way to start).
It will take some courage, but head out on a limb and ask what they are up to while chatting in the elevator.
Also, many campuses offer club fairs. Search out a club with students that share a common interest. That's always the best ice breaker.
I know it sounds kind of stupid, but even if you aren't confident, pretend to be. People often turn into what they act like, and some confidence can help.
2006-09-29 09:54:55 · answer #2 · answered by jarizza 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it depends. If this is something new (e.g. you had lots of friends and weren't shy in high school or whatever), then perhaps you just need to give things time. Some of the other people who have answered have made some good suggestions, such as looking for clubs and such. Study groups might also be a good "in" to start to get to know people, though in the large introductory courses it can be harder to find people who you are interested in hanging out with (generally in higher level classes, hopefully everyone is taking that class because it interests them, and so that's *one* thing at least in common). Also, it doesn't hurt to just wander around the dorm and see who's doing what. Of course, shyness gets in the way here (and right now I'm being the pot calling the kettle black), but if you can work yourself up to it, then that's also a good way.
Of course, if you've always been shy, you might want to talk to someone about your shyness. Many colleges and universities offer some measure of counselling services, so you try that. There are also often student-run/staffed peer counselling type things. I know that I was in much the same boat as you, not only in college but for several years in high school too. It could be an anxiety issue or some such. By the time I addressed this I was in my last year of college, and had been pretty lonely for all the previous years, but my last year was pretty good (I also got lucky in that by pure chance I ended up rooming with someone who, once I came out of my shell, was someone I could get along with really well and who could help me meet other people).
2006-09-30 08:57:52 · answer #3 · answered by DAG 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you are living in dorms which is a great way to meet new people. You RA's should be organizing activities that help people meet each other. A lot of them are going to sound stupid, but they really are a great way to get to know the people living around you.
The good thing about living in the dorms is that everyone is in the same boat. The most popular guy in high school knows exactly same amount of people as the nerdiest guy in high school. Zero. For the most part, everyone is interested in making new friends and being as friendly as possible. College is a lot different from social setting in high school, so you just have to try to be more outgoing and willing to talk to people you wouldn't normally talk to.
If all else fails you could try pledging a frat. It's not for everyone, but it can be a good idea for people that are having trouble adjusting to the social aspects of college. Not all frats are a bunch of beer guzzling morons and a lot of them actually do some good work in the community and on campus. They can also be good for networking after you graduate. If you do decide to join a frat, just pick one that seems right for you and not the first one that offers you the most free beer. My girlfriend was in the same spot as you when she was freshman in the dorms, so she joined a sorority and love it. I am the exact opposite and made friends relatively easy in the dorms and frats just don't seem the right fit for me.
The bottom line is that you will eventually make friends one way or the other. It's not about trying so hard, but more about just relaxing and being yourself. Good luck!
2006-09-29 11:05:09 · answer #4 · answered by JB 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I remember my Uni days. What helped me the most was having hobbies where I could meet people. My grandma used to say, "tell me who your friends are and I will tell you who you are." College is a place away from home. It is a place where your social skills come in handy. But if you are shy, I would recommend taking a dance class on campus, in the community, or at a local club. Some classes like Salsa, Samba, Ballroom, and Folk dancing are taught on a weekly basis. It also depends in what city you are in.
Over all, you can meet hundreds of people in college but there are only a few who will be a positive influence. I say that because you can have lots of aquaintances but not really know them like friends. College can be a fun and learning experience. It all depends how you balance fun and learning.
College clubs are usually one way to meet people with similar interests. Try that, it just may work.
2006-09-29 09:39:05 · answer #5 · answered by Joseph C 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Join a organization or something, and just get to know people. Yeah, it might all seem weird at first, but once you start talking to someone that you have a real connection with, the conversation will just begin to flow. So honey, get out there and have some fun! Don't worry what people think.. do what you want!
2006-09-29 09:30:47 · answer #6 · answered by laciarlene89 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're in a new environment with people you dont even know. It's an adjustment that will take time. If you start doing things in which you enjoy doing, there are others out there who probably enjoy doing the same. Go to the student union and see what activities are available in which you'd be interested in. Remember, the number one reason why you're there is to receive an education.
2006-09-29 09:31:50 · answer #7 · answered by pbm1430 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a deep breath, and relax! I rememver when I went to college, I was so homesick, i ended up in the hospital, having been physically ill for weeks!
Join clubs, study groups, go to the library, whatever it takes to meet new people. Suck it up, the feelings will go away eventually, and you will find a rewarding and fun! Good luck!
2006-09-29 09:35:19 · answer #8 · answered by Gur8 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK. I went through a similar situation when I first went to college. Don't despair. JOIN, JOIN, JOIN clubs, plays, study groups... anything that will get you out and meeting people. I guarantee there is someone out there feeling the same way you are feeling, probably just around the corner :-)
2006-09-29 10:00:33 · answer #9 · answered by Smart Kitty 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very shy as well, i am in college now, the way i have over come mine is a I got a job where i had to talk to people and interact with them and it went away little by little don't give up it is a long precess
2006-09-29 09:29:54 · answer #10 · answered by angel5 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋