Do you think honestly that a man can change his ways? After making mistake after mistake and him almost commiting suicide. Do you think he could. Do the words me mean your sorry and I love you really meaninful? I have known him for almost 11 yrs and dated him for 5 1/2 yrs of going up and down. This year was a break but now he is w/ out nothing.
2006-09-29 09:23:28 · 32 answers · asked by x_angel_0f_darkness_x 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
I am sorry, I forgot to say that we have not been together in the last 8 months of this year. He has cheated on me 5 times in 5 1/2 yrs, but has not kept his other. It seems when we seperate we loose something. Now he is homeless and I am helping the best way that I can. He ended his former relationship in states that is willing to try again. I am about to move and wants to come with me because he says it feels right. He has given up on his family because all they give him is grief instead of help. I am not ashamed of him and I love him. The last time we split up was when i walked away.
2006-10-02 01:32:02 · update #1
Yes I do think that a men can realy change,,, everyone deserves a secound chance , If you start believing in him selve then he is going to gain comfidende, I think that if you help him even you have help him in the pass he is going to try to chance,, have you think that the reason that he try to commit suicide was because he felt like he had nothing in this world,,, maybe he needs attention ? If you dont think that he can chance then dont be with him because that can affect you mentally ,,being with someone just because you feel sorry for someone you dont love,,, just ask your selve do realy want to deal with him like that?
2006-09-29 09:32:46 · answer #1 · answered by Airforcepink 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok if he attempted suicide there are definitley some issues here, however having been through some wringers myself I can honestly say that if a man wants to change his ways he can, and usually will. What are his reasons for changing? Is it just to get you back to his side? Or is it because he finally realises that he is hurting not only himself but the people who love him? I was in a 17 yr marriage that self destructed because of my own foolishness, it took losing everything but believe me I am a better man now than I could ever hoped to have been had these things not happened. It sounds to me like he needs serious counseling to get himself together, and maybe then he c can focus on a relationship. Best of luck to both of you, I hope it all works out.
2006-09-29 09:30:49 · answer #2 · answered by snoop_dougie_doug04 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, under certain conditions. If he almost committed suicide then that is the low of the lows. But maybe he did not reach rock bottom with the suicide attempt. A person has to be desperate to change and it has to be conscious effort. And they have to be dedicated to it. Nearly unwavering towards the new goal. Fall off the horse, he has to get back on soon. Given the above conditions maybe. You know him better than anyone, if he can be dedicated to changing then there is hope. If not, you know what will happen next don't you think?
Good luck
2006-09-29 09:28:47 · answer #3 · answered by gbdelta1954 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I think men can change, but you can't make them. Sounds like a great time to protect yourself and move on or at least get some distance. If he wanted to change he would have. The words don't mean much to me. His behavior continues, so I would expect more of the same. I would not trust in any change until I had seen it for a very long time. In my case, I had the words and the attempts for ten years. Nothing ever got better. I would rather that wasn't you. Go love yourself and live your life. He is evidently intent on destroying his. So sorry.
2006-09-29 09:27:51 · answer #4 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A man can change some things, just as a woman can, but you are talking about his nature here and he isn't the sort of man you can waste anymore time on. ' I'm sorry' and 'I love you' are only meaningful if there was change the last twenty times he said it, just saying the words again and again are more of an effort to manipulate you than an expression of his desire to love you. He is without you now because he is a poor choice for you and you saw the wisdom of that and left him. He will find some other woman to kiss his boo-boos and drive nuts with drama. Just be glad you are out.
2006-09-29 09:30:58 · answer #5 · answered by justa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, people can change. However, that doesn't mean you have to take them at their word or that you have to care that they are changing after having messed up so much before. If a man is really going to change then that change is done because he wants to change for his own personal good, not because if he doesn't you will leave him, and the change isn't something that will only occur if you stay with him. If a person isn't making the change because they really want to change no matter what else in life happens then it isn't really going to happen.
2006-09-29 09:27:11 · answer #6 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Of course men can change, if they WANT to change. But how do you know? Simple, actions speak louder than words.
Unfortunately, it sounds as if the man you love never learned anything about responsible adult behavior. If you want to keep him, YOU will have to teach him. Your only other choice is to dump him.
Decide what kind of behavior from him would convince you he has changed, and also decide how long that behavior has to last without backsliding. Tell him what that behavior is that you want to see (but don't tell him how long it has to last - Not telling this is REAL important. If he knows it only has to last a year or two, that's exactly how long the good behavior will last).
Then you stick to your guns, you reward good behavior and punish bad behavior. Consistency is important. It isn't really much different than teaching a dog not to pee on the carpet.
Since he isn't a dog, it'll be hard on him, but it will be harder on you. You may decide it isn't worth it. He may decide it isn't worth it (small loss to you, in that case).
2006-09-29 09:42:36 · answer #7 · answered by glenbarrington 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way he can change is to seek help for himself. He needs to accept the fact that he has some type of problem and accept the help needed to overcome the problem.
It sounds like he is bipolar with the ups and downs. The suicide attempt is a cry for help. Work with him to find a good counselor and treatment facility.
2006-09-29 09:27:26 · answer #8 · answered by physandchemteach 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It all depends. Most men can not or will not change. If he is repeating himself and not trying and keeps saying yes i will but then dont and still does things than he probably never will. How much do u want to put up with? Maybe he needs just a little more help than you or any normal person can. good luck.
2006-09-29 09:30:53 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think people can change ONLY IF they get help and work on it. And working on it takes time, effort, commitment, and well, work! Just announcing "I will change" is meaningless unless that person makes a true effort and gets professional help and commits to working through their problems. No one can change "for" someone else; they must do it for themselves. And a person who sticks around "loving" them through all their problems can be called an enabler- you aren't helping, you're hurting.
LOVE (and sorrow) is a verb. It's not a feeling, it's a way of behaving.
2006-09-29 09:29:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋