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He drinks EVERY day and doesn't think it is a problem since he isnt an angry, mean or aggressive drunk. He is although a very defensive drunk and likes to argue when he drinks. Not tm mention we can not afforf this habbit. I just want some advice how to deal. And no i do not want to leave him. I want to help him.

2006-09-29 09:17:28 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships Other - Family & Relationships

9 answers

I’m sorry to hear of your predicament.

I’ve always viewed an alcoholic as a person who goes to weekly meetings to beat addiction. A drunk is someone that is too stupid to realize they are an alcoholic.

Personally, I was a drunk. I was lucky and was able to beat my addiction in the end without counseling (thought I’ve been very close to going to AA several times in my life).

I drank extremely heavily at the end of my college career and the beginning of my professional career. I could drink a case of beer in a sitting and still walk home. A bottle of Bacardi 151 would last about 2 days for me.

Did people tell me I had a drinking problem? Absolutely! Did I think I did? Absolutely not! I look back on it and I had no idea what I was thinking. There were nights where I was so drunk, I had to have someone help me shift. I’d walk back to my apartment from the dorms (two blocks) with two beers…the walk would take over an hour and I’d black out on the way home. To this day, I have no idea what I did on those walks. A group of friends and I would fill up a Mountain Dew bottle with vodka and pass it around during class. When I was too broke to both eat and drink, I’d go to a bar that had free appetizers during happy hour so I could do both.

Where am I going with this? These are just some of a ton of stories I could share about when I drank. I never thought I had a problem at the time, but I look back on it and I think I was f*cking insane. My fiancée and I lived together my senior year. We broke up after a 3 year relationship. I drank heavy and hard. One day, I felt I should clean up a little and work at finding a few relationship (plus I was flat broke…I was a two pack a day smoker on top of it…I couldn’t afford to eat, smoke, and drink).

Stopping today turned into stopping tomorrow. Stopping tomorrow turned into stopping next week. Then I realized, I couldn’t stop. I had a problem.

My defining moment in my addiction was when my ex-gf came home (we lived together still) and I was sitting on the steps in the lobby of my apartment crying. When I admitted to someone else I had a drinking problem, it was like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. I stopped drinking one day. One day turned into two. Two days turned into a week. After a few weeks, I drank a little. I stopped for another week. I had finally gained control…just like someone turned a switch. I was able to drink in moderation

I had to hit rock bottom before I could address my drinking problem. Until that moment, nothing could have made me done any different. Since then, I have been around people suffering from alcohol addiction and other addictions. I have tried to help some. With the exception of smokers, no one ever think they have an addiction. Until something happens where they hit rock bottom or they are no longer in control (illness, get arrested, etc..), they will not see they have a problem.

You could help the situation by doing something drastic. You could call the police the next time they drive away drunk. You could also leave the person. Would this help? Maybe, but most likely it will hurt your relationship (if there is one left afterward). If you get the person arrested, they will resent you and never trust you. If you threaten to leave, they might tell you to go (alcohol talking, not really the person usually).

The best bet is to let the addiction run its course. That may take years or a lifetime. Only you can decide if you want to wait that long.

I wish you the best of luck. My heart does go out to you.

2006-10-02 04:10:06 · answer #1 · answered by Slider728 6 · 1 0

Well....you could ask him to come to counseling to help you...you could go on the Al-Anon site and see what others say....you could maybe see if he would agree to a reasonable amount of money to spend on his drinking and ignore it...hmmmm. My experience with this has been that it is not something you can really make them see. They often end up in quite a mess before they decide its a problem. Right now you're talking to the alcohol and not him (even when sober) so he's not going to listen to logic.

You can protect your finances. You can leave the building/area so he can't argue with you. No big fight, just don't subject yourself to it.

You sound smart. I haven't searched the net. I just felt bad for the situation. My husband quit drinking in April after years and years of spent money, ruined fun, embarrassing moments, etc. One day he had had enough. Turns out that the alcohol was a symptom, not the real problem. He'd been self-medicating. So..the alcohol is gone, but we are still working out the real issues. Sorry and wishing you the best.

2006-09-29 09:25:00 · answer #2 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0 0

You can talk all you want about him needing help and should quit drinking. An Alcoholic in denial does not want to hear any of these things.The excuses he gives is to warrant his drinking.They are just that excuses nothing else.Unfortunately he won't stop or get help until he is sick and tired of being sick and tired of this kind of life.It is a disease that tells us we don't have a disease.Many people have to lose a lot before they are willing to admit they have a problem and need help.Until he reaches that point he will do what ever it takes to defend his drinking.

2006-09-29 09:32:54 · answer #3 · answered by Linda R 6 · 0 0

There is nothing you can say or do to MAKE them see the situation. They have to hit rock bottom and THEY have to want the help in order for it to work. Just be by their side cuz they will need you. Don't contribute with the addiction. Just be a good friend.

2006-09-29 09:28:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

Talk to some one from AA. They have a separate group for spouses and family members, called, if I remember correctly, Al-Anon. He has to want help before anyone can give him any. It sounds like you could use some information about enabling. God bless you honey and I wish you luck. Remember, HIS illness is, ultimately, HIS responsibility. You cannot force him to get better. You can only control your own actions.

2006-09-29 09:31:14 · answer #5 · answered by Witchyluck 4 · 0 1

Al-anon is for family members of alcoholics to help them deal with their problems. Its more complex than a brief answer on Yahoo.
You can find them in the yellow pages in your area. or in your local newspaper under meetings. Good luck, you will need all of this you can get.

2006-09-29 09:23:20 · answer #6 · answered by justa 7 · 1 1

believe me i know what you are talking about. but mine get angry and mean and abusive when he get drunk. and i don't want to leave my husband either, i really have no advice for you i just wanted to tell you good luck and that i know what you are going through. it is very hard when they think they don't have a problem.

2006-09-29 09:23:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

He won't get help until he hits rock bottom. You can't help him; he has to do it on his own. It might help if you go to Alanon for family members. When he is ready to help himself, then he will let you help him, too..

2006-09-29 09:28:25 · answer #8 · answered by terri e 5 · 0 1

CALL AA, THEY HAVE ALOT OF SUPPORT GROUPS FOR FAMILY AS WELL AS THE ALCOHOLIC

2006-09-29 09:19:56 · answer #9 · answered by BAG LADY 4 · 0 1

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