what you think of having a child from your girlfriend with out marring her ..?

Question

i just think its important for the women to feel secure and the kids to ..afather who will always be ther e for them..i just see alot of unmarried people living together and they are not so serious in their life.

Answer 1

this day and age, anything goes. do what feels right for YOU.

Answer 2

I see your point, but I also see people abusing each other and dragging the kids through the mud in their rotten relationships. If they can't get along, I wish they'd move along and give the kid a fighting chance at some kind of normalacy.

If the couple is in love and planning to be together, then they should go to pre-marital counseling. Then they'd have some skills to make their marriage actually work, and raise the kid together, married. That would be ideal.

I agree with you that two good parents is the best situation. When one or both parents stink, I wish they would just adopt the kid(s) to good people and go on birth control until they either grow up or get married. Probably not a popular opinion, but its mine.

So...whether the two are together or not, I wish they'd step up for the kids and act like grown-ups. Sometimes I feel like the Jerry Springer Nation.

Answer 3

I don't think you should have children if you're not married. If you are unwilling to make the commitment of marriage, why have a child? Not saying all marriages work, but at least they tried. You can't divorce a child. They are forever. Too many people have children out of wedlock, I think to feel some sort of bond to their partner. That's what marriage is supposed to be. Children shouldn't be born with a job. It's not their job to make you feel commited to your partner. You should already have that. Children should be born to be loved. Yes, when married people have children their bond becomes stronger, but it's building on what's already there, not trying to create something that's not. A lot of people say living together is the same as marriage, but it's not. There's really no commitment to living together. I can't explain it, but when my husband and I got married (we lived together for a year prior to marriage) it was like we had more respect of each other. I felt like a grown up. I know it sounds corny, but I can't think of the right words right now. If I do I'll edit my answer. Not only that, but if a marriage fails, both people have more rights if they do separate. Men have legal rights to their children automatically, where unmarried men, generally have to petition the court for visitation, women are protected if they are stay at home moms. There is alimony along with child support to help her financially, not to mention that assets are divided. When you are just living together, it is too easy to just say, "I've had enough, have a nice life" when you are married, it seems you're more apt to try to work on it before you leave. There's a bigger commitment to your family.

(Yes my husband and Iived together before we were married, but we didn't have children until after we were married.)

Answer 4

I think women who have a child from a guy who does not want them or the child, then they should respect that decision instead of trying to lock down the guy forever. Those women who do that, end up screwed, no man and a child. I'm a strong believer of having a child after marriage, but many people do the opposite.

Answer 5

A child is one of the most beautiful present a woman can give to a man she loves , and about the marriage more then the woman , the child must feel secure with both his parents with him and not only lovers that can split away in any moment.

Answer 6

my immediate question is do you want to get married? I find it admiral in this day and age that you are thinking this through before just doing it, that's how so many relationships break up, people don't think ahead like you and hence another child without a mother or a father. how does your partner feel about marriage? talk to her and see if you can jointly reach a conclusion,. you don't have to be married for the relationship to work or for it to be serious, but you do have to be committed to one another.

Answer 7

I don't think anything in particular. It's between the guy and the girl. I do think it's sad that there are so many "oops" pregnancies even when birth control is widely available; it is just plain irresponsible. But not all unmarried couples are "not serious".

Answer 8

ok.I have 2 children by the same father and we are not married..He and I lived together.i a fulltime student and a 1yr old and a 2yr old. He left us last week..Yes of course there is child support but it was if we were living as husband and wife and there is NO finalcial obligation to me legally. Women need to think about that before having to go through what I am going through...I made a mistake..

Answer 9

I look at it like this: Unlike our grandparent's generation, the way things are today, marriage don't mean squat. Yes, marriage is great if both parties want it for the right reasons, and stuff, but there are lots of married people who are not serious in their life.
I would think it's better to remain unmarried, than get married but divorce.
I have a son, who's 3. His father wanted to marry me, but had we got married, it would've ended up in me having to divorce him because it was a destructive relationship (he was verbally abusive towards me and somewhat posessive of me and somewhat controlling). I can't fully do what I need to do as a mother because his father lot of the time gets upset with me for yelling at my son, or me wanting to punish him when he does wrong. Shoot, a couple days ago, my son said "Stop it!" to me, and I told him he is not to speak to me that way. His father tells me I'm ruining his confidence. He has a tendency to spoil our child, and why would I want to be married to his father, who can't properly act like a father.!
Today, marriage don't make things secure. Shoot, a lot of people who are in a co-habit situation tend to be together longer than married people.
A lot of everyday people stay married just as short of time as many celebs. I even heard of an everyday couple who divorced after only 30 DAYS!
If you want to get married, GREAT, I wish you the best, but ONLY do it out of love, and you're ready for a lifelong commitment, NOT because of having a child. Otherwise, the marriage can't work.

Answer 10

I think it is very tacky and unfortunate, but increasingly the norm. 52% of households in this country with children are lead by only one parent. It is sad that people don't commit to one another and that before having relations. I was a single mom but I still have traditional values.

Answer 11

Honestly, I do not believe in marriage & never have. If you really care for someone enough to have started a family with them and you are serious about being there for the girl you love and your kid(s) then why should a piece of paper or a ceremony have to show you that? It shouldn't. I don't think marriage is something you think you should be doing just because you have a family now. As long as you take care of your responsibilites, dedicate yourself to your girlfriend and your kid(s) and to you.. that equals happiness.. than a marriage is irrelevant and unnecessary.