A cple of wks ago my husband told me that he wasnt happy in our marriage. My husband has been my best friend for the last 5 years. We were married last November. He stated to me that the only part of our marriage that he wasnt happy with was me not wanting to go to his family events such as bday partys, lake gatherings, thanksgiving and also he races a car and he said that I am the only wife that doesnt go with their husband. Which I do go 40 % of the time. But we have a 8 year old girl who does not like the races because it is a all day thing. We go around 3:30-4:00 and it is not over until midnight. She is tired and bored. Then he tells me about a cust of his at his car lot, she is pretty i guess, she is behind w/ her carpayment and it is becuz her finace' is wrking out of town not sending money to her, and she is real lonely. this girl went 2 weekends to watch him race and started coming & talkin dly. they slept 2gether once, the day after he told me, and ended it andwants me now
2006-09-29 09:10:19 · 20 answers · asked by Kelleigh H 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Fight for your marriage! It's worth it. Your daughter needs her dad. Nothing or nobody can replace him. You do need to support him and be with him as much as possible. That's how a marriage is built.
2006-09-29 12:18:43 · answer #1 · answered by delmaanna67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand not wanting to go to the races all the time-- though I'm sure you could have found a babysitter or let the granparents watch the child for a day-- but it was very selfish of you to avoid family events such as bday partys, lake gatherings, thanksgiving. What's up with that?? I mean, why should he be married to you if you can't be bothered to be with him?????
So.. guess what- he found someone who wants to be with him. I don't condone cheating, but how long did you expect him to put up with your selfishness? How many Thanksgivings did you plan to skip?? In this case, you more or less dug your own grave. Sorry.
2006-09-29 09:20:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Basically he is a twelve year old. SO... you can stick around and put up with him until the day he matures waaaay down the line. OR you can get out since he committed adultery and broke your heart and your daughter and you can have a healthier happier life without his drama. Learn from your mistakes (the love language and love and respect links are great, above), love yourself above all and pray about it. Best wishes to you darling. One thing I can guarantee is that once you've been hurt by a cheater, you can only feel blessed RELIEF once he's out of the picture. It's eventual but sure.
2006-09-29 09:31:45 · answer #3 · answered by Sleek 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a painful situation. Have you tried to reach a compromise? Maybe you could offer to attend a certain number of these events, maybe more so than you do now. Could your daughter spend the day with a friend or grandparent? It seems to me that your husband is being just a bit immature. If this issue is truly his only complaint. It sounds like there is probably more to it than meets the eye. That's certainly not enough of a complaint to justify getting a divorce. If you're going to make it work out, he's going to have to convince you that he will never cheat again, and you've got to learn to trust him again. But don't ever let your guard down. Watch him, and make sure he knows you're watching.
2006-09-29 09:17:51 · answer #4 · answered by L S 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hahahahahaha, you guess it!, great to hear it, makes me feel better, CUT-AND RUN, take him for what you can, go for 80-20 custody, more child support, do you work?, if so, then quit (more time with child excuse) before you take any more steps, wait six months (alimony increases), Then nail him to the wall and throw darts at him, his pension, if any, 40K retirement, if any, house car, but don't forgive him, once a cat plays out side the house, the yard always seems better that the living room!
2006-09-29 09:22:03 · answer #5 · answered by John H B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your husband should be given the divorce he wanted. He cheated on you, he doesn't respect you and your daughters feelings, and you can never trust him again. It sounds to me like he has put everything else in his life ahead of you and his relationship with you. Has he ever thought about reducing the amount of time he spends racing, I didn't think so. This is a man who has a set life and is looking for someone who fits exactly into so he doesn't have to change. You and your daughter deserve a lot more that what your getting out of this deal.
2006-09-29 09:16:12 · answer #6 · answered by rkrell 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Check out this book
http://www.amazon.com/Five-Love-Languages-Heartfelt-Commitment/dp/1881273156/sr=8-1/qid=1159560372/ref=pd_bbs_1/104-9277984-6131156?ie=UTF8&s=books
It sounds like your husband's love language is "Quality Time". Which means, you've accidentally made decisions that say "I don't love you." While the tramp managed to find exactly where to get to him.
Get the book, and visit http://www.loveandrespect.com
If you start working on this w/ your husband, you may have a chance. Odds are he'll get tired of the tramp, she's obviously too needy.
But, you have some tough decisions.
2006-09-29 09:14:17 · answer #7 · answered by Iridium190 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its amazing that you two are married to start with. Get some counselling together and make it work for the sake of your daughter. Divorce should be the last resort.
2006-09-29 09:23:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you if my husband didn't like to go to my family reunions I'll feel offended...When you married somebody you don't just married him... you married his family too... you have to get to know them as well, share their celebrations, b-days parties....I understand your 8 years old daughter doesn't like to stay but if she tries to get alone with the other kids she may find a friend to play with. let her know that;s her family too... all those kids are her cousins now..
my husband's son was 5 when get married... i always went to every celebration his family had........ but every time i asked him to go to my family celebration.. he answered me... you know my kid gets bored there.... you know he doesn;t like to go there... so one day i got tired and told him.... look.. when your family has a celebration or party i go.... i don't make any excuse...even if I'm tired or sick or wherever i think family is important and we need to go as a family.... ... now we go for a little bit to my family's house and after to his family's house....
i feel like he did that to show me he loves me... he really cares about how i feel.... try to spent more time with him and his family and I'm more than sure he will appreciate that and you'll save your marriage
'
2006-09-29 09:27:58 · answer #9 · answered by perinsesu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy answer to that long question. If he wants to go you can not stop him. If he wants to stay after treating you that way well you have to make a choice and stick to it. It sounds like he wants to blame you for him being stupid good luck
2006-09-29 09:22:27 · answer #10 · answered by rollerbabe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋