My ex-girl friend, who became my friend's wife, wants to have a baby from me, can I fulfil her wish?

Question

Despite my attempts, she never allowed me to have sex with her during our teenage. We are early 30 now. Due to various reasons, our love did not materialize and she has been married to another man,who became my friend later, and I am also married now. Almost after 12 years, she suddenly called me and said she wants me and wants to have a baby from me.( note that she doesn't have any child). She said she did not forget our love, she forced me to Kiss her also. But i am reluctant to cheat my wife and the innocent man, who believes me. What should i do now?, - Jack

Answer 1

Hi Jack,

Not sure what you mean by "the innocent man... believes you," but anyway -- it sounds like you know the answer to your question and just need other people to help you stay the course.

Also sounds like part of you realizes you still care about her and/or are still attracted to her, so you're finding it hard to say "no." If she pushes you hard enough and takes the initiative, it sounds like things might just "happen" -- so to avoid cheating, you'll have to actively refuse her.

I'd advise you not to meet her alone anymore, if you are committed to your marriage and integrity, and don't want to find yourself in a hot spot.

It seems more like she is using you, even if she doesn't mean to. You are both married to other people now, and have been for 12 years. Her marriage/life apparently isn't going the way she had hoped, and she thinks having a baby (your baby) and being a mother will help her feel better.

Obviously the "baby issue" is an issue in their marriage -- he either can't conceive with her, or refuses to. But that's not really your affair to worry about, that's their issue to work out.

Projecting, your having sex with her and fathering a child could easily bring your life crashing down around your ears -- destroying both marriages and also leaving you financially in a world of hurt (because of paternity issues).

Maybe you never totally got over her, and part of you has always been wondering what it would be like -- it's hard to care about someone and want them for so long, and then just "turn off the feelings" -- but your head is telling you the best thing to do right now.

And you seem to not want to let your wife and friend down.

I would "let her go" and accept that you've moved on, and so has she, and that the arrangement she desires isn't good for either of you, long-term, or anyone else. That's hard, but you need to do it.

If the temptation gets bad enough and she won't let up, the easiest and surest way to defuse the situation is to tell your wife. She probably won't let you see your old flame anymore, and it could put a rift between your two families; but if you have sex with her and produce a child, I guarantee that will eventually happen... and a lot worse.

Stick to what you know is right, and hang tough.

Answer 2

Wow, well if you love your wife and want to keep your marriage, tell her no and tell her to lose your number. It is hard to lose to friends but as they say family comes first. Also if she is vindictive like most women she may tell her husband that it was you who forced a kiss from her and everything else. So after you tell her she no, maybe explain to your wife what she did. Let her know you had no part in it, and that she forced you. She may be a little upset at first but its better then this other woman telling her something other wise and you having to fix it. After you tell your wife, ask her if she thinks you should tell her husband. Trust me women normally know what their husband are up to and, if she finds out later then it will hurt her even more. Also you did nothing wrong so there is no harm in telling.
But this is also if you are happy and in love with your wife. If not then file for divorce and hope that this other woman doesn't have any other x-boyfriends she has feelings about.

Also you can be forced into something you don't want to do. It happens all the time. Men can be forced just as easy as women even though most women think not. But it does and can happen!!!!

Answer 3

Don't do it. You're married, so I assume that you love your wife and took the vows seriously. This woman probably has serious baby envy and is afraid that she made the wrong choice with her husband if they can't get pregnant. He doesn't deserve to be hurt and neither does your wife. You should tell your ex that you would never do anything to jeoprodize your marriage and that you don't think her behavior is appropriate. She probably won't take being turned down easily, so you'll probably have to distance yourself from her.

Answer 4

I'm sure you were sweethearts in high school, but I'm telling you: stay away from her. It seems she is going thru her female equivalent of a mid-life crisis. Most females go thru this at around the age of 30.

There is no logic to what she's suggested and it must have been a vulnerable moment when she hit on you. Her husband is your friend and you are married. That's a very dangerous minefield that you'd be walking in with her if you suddenly got her impregnated.

Trust me, it's not worth the headache.

Do the sensible thing and be honorable by dismissing what she's proposing as her "moment of madness." Do not let your ego (that is to say, your sexual organs) to get in the way of damaging your marriage, her marriage, and your friendship with her husband.

You are the classic Adam and she is the classic Eve telling you to eat the apple. And boy, this apple, if you eat it, is going to turn into one screwed up adoloscent when he tries to understand the logic to his existance from procreation out of wedlock. Just imagine the social pressure from his or her classmates.

You give procreate with her and you will make a child whose probability of suicide will be 100 times the rate of normal children.

Look at her proposal to her and pretend that she is trying to convince you to jump off the bridge. Would you jump?

Answer 5

I can't believe you don't know what to do. Can you fulfill her wish? Let me clear this up for you: Unless you want to end a friendship and marriage in one fell swoop, you need just say no and stay away from her. If you must be around her, do not allow yourself to be alone with her. She is looking to make your life hell and sounds just a little psychotic.

But, yeah: you can fulfill her wish. Just know that you'd be making a nightmare for yourself.

Answer 6

You are never forced to do anything you don't want to. If you truly love your wife you have to consider the fact that if you do do something and she find out sometime in the future you will be jeopardizing your entire marriage and the trust you built together over the years. You have to let the other women know where you stand and if she doesn't back off you will have no other choice but to approach her husband with this situation.

Answer 7

RUN, don't walk.

This is NOT cool.

If her current husband has fertility problems and she wants to get pregnant from another man so her and her HUSBAND can have a child, consult a lawyer FIRST about your rights and a contractual agreement.

If this is just because she wants to have an affair from some pathetic unrequited love story from your teen years - IT ISN'T WORTH THE DESTRUCTION OF TWO MARRIAGES.

You can save yours. Run away NOW.

Answer 8

What the hell. U mean to say u don't know what to do? Give me a break. U are both married now and u should know better than to get involved with someone else. Contrary to what u said, nobody can "force" u to do anything if u don't allow them to. I suggest u tell her to back off and if she's going to keep insisting, cut off all ties with her and tell your wife the reason why. U don't want to destroy 2 marriages just because of her selfishness, do u?

Answer 9

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Answer 10

I think that is she wants to remain friends with you then she should forget that whole idea of having a baby with you... Remind her how in love you are with your wife and that you would never cheat on her... she is also betraying the friendship that your wife has given her is like stabbing her in the back.... if your wife knew your x was asking for this she will get mad at you and probably ask you to never see her again... I would do that too and ask her to never show her face at my house ever again.