Ok. Here's the deal. My boyfriend is 41 and I'm 38. We've been together almost 5 years and have lived together almost 2. Our relationship is normally great. We have great love and great respect for each other. BUT, our sex life SUCKS. It's not bad, it is just non-existent. We hug and kiss and we are very affectionate and loving towards one another, but we very, very seldom have sex. He knows it's a problem that's been bothering me. He's not cheating and neither am I, but something is wrong.
There's nothing physically wrong either, so that's not the problem.
Serious answers only please. Thanks in advance.
2006-09-29 07:51:24 · 15 answers · asked by Denise T 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
You're in a rut. It's hard to get out of those, you just have to make the effort, and initiate it. Leave him a sexy note in his briefcase, send him a sexy email, let him know that you want him. get his imagination going, and put the spark back.
2006-09-29 07:56:56 · answer #1 · answered by simplyrelaxinginblvl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What keeps you from getting married? It could be that the lack of that final committment causes one or both of you to hold back a little bit. I know that some people think of marriage as binding, but actually it can be very freeing to know the other person is willing to step out and say that "it's you only for me for the rest of my life."
You could consider some couples' counseling to try to talk things through and figure out what has changed for the two of you. You seriously might just be going through a phase that will pass. Sometimes when one or both of you have more stress at work or are more tired, for example, that can affect your sex life. Do you need to take a vacation together--to get away and do something fun and sexy? Sometimes if a man gets caught up in porn, it kills any desire for sex with his partner. Is that a possibility?
One way to bring things back into place is to really focus on each other. Make sure that you are still dating. I've been married nearly 21 years, and we still go on a date once a week, every week, with very few exceptions. We find that it's important to take that time out to talk and enjoy each other's company without the distractions of our kids, TV, and things that need to be done.
If you treat each other as if you can't keep your hands off each other--if you plan for sexy romantic times together and get creative in how to express love to each other, you will likely find that the feelings follow.
Don't skip having sex just because you don't feel like it. If you realize that it is important to your relationship, then just go for being sexy and alluring (this is advice for both of you). What you will likely find is that you really enjoy sex even though you didn't think you were in the mood.
2006-09-29 08:05:36 · answer #2 · answered by happygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't assume there is nothing physically wrong. If you haven't checked then I think he should get a testosterone test, because low testosterone could definitely be the reason, and it is easily remedied.
I think you should do fun things together. Go on dates. Read erotic literature together. Instead of focusing on sex per se.. I'd try some sexual play.. less pressure for him.. you know.. fooling around .. maybe some fruit involved :P
Try to figure out what's going on by talking about it with him. Is he too tired, or distracted or what? Then you can do something about that. I think it's not normal at all and there is probably some sort of problem/cause you need to discover.
It's pretty hard to say with such little info, but really, he should care about your sexual wants, and be open to discussing this with you.
2006-09-29 08:00:09 · answer #3 · answered by moment_in_passing 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think if it's like this now, it could be bad a few more years down the road if soemthing isn't done. I don't think the best way is to go out and try different things though. I think the best thing to do is to just get to know each other. Being affectionate is obviously not the problem, but maybe you should try falling back in love so to speak. I had the same problem with my husband, who I was with for 7yrs. It didn't work out, no, but when we did stop having that spark, we were able to bring it back by just learning how to appreciate the other more. Like instead of just looking at each other, stare into each others eyes. Really look at him when he smiles and know that he's all yours. And vice versa. You just have to fall in love again. Hope this helps.
2006-09-29 07:58:24 · answer #4 · answered by t.larae 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
After reading this it sounds like your boyfriend may have a medical problem which is frequent in today's society, among men, different age groups and all. He may have low testerone. To find out if this truly is the medical problem he may have, he should go to his family doctor and talk to him, and what he will do is to order some blood tests and from these tests they can tell truly if this is the medical problem he has. If it is he can go to his doctor's office one time a month and get an injection of testerone . Takes about a minute for the injection. The testerone will help increase his sex drive again. I have a friend that works at a medical clinic and it is not uncommon for a lot of men to come in for injections once a month. Hope this helps.
2006-09-29 08:17:14 · answer #5 · answered by Rooster 1972 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Myabe you need to mix it up a little bit. Where was the flame when you first started? Be more adventurous, take out the car to an a secure location and try it there or any other public area that there is a risk that you can get caught. Maybe try more positions or things that you would not normally try. There are many sites that offer sexual suggestions, try www.sexuality.org
Me and my gf have a great sex life, we mix it up by using sexual stimulation creams and toys. It does help to keep it interesting. If you are paranoid about buying these kinds of things go to www.slumberparties.com They are discrete in their packaging of their products.
2006-09-29 07:59:15 · answer #6 · answered by xxxslayerboy115 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 16 years,together for about 20.Sometimes its good but more often its comfortable.As you are with someone for a long time,the relationship changes.Every once in awhile I do someting surprising.My husband likes me in black lingerie.So... I am sure you know what he likes,try surprising him every so often and be happy you have a faithful,loving,caring partner.
2006-09-29 07:55:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to the novelity stores try different things that you havent tried before. if its that serious go to a sex theriapist, they show this series on HBO or showtime called Sexual Healing, couples talking about their sexual lives and there is a doctor but maybe you should check it iout sometimes.
2006-09-29 08:21:35 · answer #8 · answered by ljeh1983 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk talk talk.
Tell him what you want. Ask him what he wants. Do that and get hat if at all possible. If not. Figure out why not. Maybe watch some porn. Talk some more. Maybe find another couple to do it with if you are just bored. I'm that age too. Maybe we are just old. Can't expect what we used to get I think.
2006-09-29 07:54:51 · answer #9 · answered by kurticus1024 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
try fixing an in termite dinner wearing a sexy new dress and an even sexier nightgown and make the first move take him off guard do the unexpected.god luck
2006-09-29 08:04:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋