Could anyone critique my essay please. It's a rough draft and I'm open to any suggestions. Thank You.?

Question

Prompt: Write a character sketch where someone helped you reach an epiphany.

It is interesting how we can meet some of the most influential people in the most random situations. Flying 38,000 feet above the ground, I was eagerly anticipating what new adventures and discoveries would await for me when I landed. Little did I know, I would make a remarkable discovery through the eyes of another individual four hours before I hit the ground.

Her name was Ann. She had shiny long black hair that cascaded over slim, rounded shoulders. She had soft facial features that accentuated her deep brown eyes. Eyes that had seen the harshness and cruelty of the world but ones that knew compassion and humanity still existed. One thing that made her distinctive was her confinement to a wheelchair. Upon first impressions some people might overlook her for that reason. Others might consider her to be limited, helpless, and dependent. Those judgments are completely untrue. When I first meet Ann, she defied every pre-conceived notion I had about her. Her outlook on life was refreshing and made me question my own perspective.

Some might consider her restrictions to a wheelchair bind her from experiencing a “normal” life. However, I see it differently. I believe her limitation works as a catalyst for pushing her to the next level. Never stopping until she reaches her goals and lending a hand to others and making small gestures that can make a huge impact on another’s life. Her personality was magnetic. I couldn’t help but be allured by her charisma when she talked about her passion of making a difference in society. She was intelligent, independent, ambitious, and did not let her disability get in the way of her goals. She was optimistic and never looked at her limitations as a weakness or a fault but a characteristic that provided her with strength.

Ann was a philanthropist and volunteered at local charities for disadvantaged children. Our conversation was sparked by a documentary we both watched on the Discovery Channel. She talked passionately about the deprived children she met and worked with. She stated that one of her goals was to travel to Africa and devote her summer to the underprivileged children. I was amazed at her accomplishments and her aspirations. Despite her limits, it did not keep her from helping others, a trait that stood her out from other individuals. Listening to her talk avidly about her encounters, she gave me new perspective on humanity.

Flying 38,000 feet above the ground and looking over the vast scene before my eyes it gave me a new viewpoint. I became conscious that I was a spec in the vastness of all that I could perceive. A realization hit me that as I was sitting on the plane someone at that moment could be witnessing a miracle, being abused, or experiencing heartache. As I looked out, I was swept away with emotion. Problems with high school, friends, and work were minor compared to other children in the world. Children who wondered if they had food on the table or if they had a place to sleep for the night. My problems were miniscule and ones that I could overcome. Hearing Ann’s experiences I became aware that people are small strands in the mesh of the universe and without one the others will fray. The smallest gestures can help the entire mesh showing the effect of small acts can become greater acts through a universal chain reaction.

Answer 1

Over all nice rough draft. Be sure you have run spell check and grammar check before turning it in. The only thing I would suggest is to flesh out what the conversation with Ann was about. If you give more detail about what was said, then you will give a clearer description of who Ann is as a person and why meeting her would cause such a profoung moment of epiphany. It will also make it sound more like something that really happened.

Answer 2

Her name was Ann. She had shiny long black hair that cascaded over slim, rounded shoulders. She had soft facial features that accentuated her deep brown eyes. Eyes that had seen the harshness and cruelty of the world but ones that knew compassion and humanity still existed. One thing that made her distinctive was her confinement to a wheelchair. Upon first impressions some people might overlook her for that reason. Others might consider her to be limited, helpless, and dependent. Those judgments are completely untrue. When I first meet Ann, she defied every pre-conceived notion I had about her. Her outlook on life was refreshing and made me question my own perspective.


Some might consider her restrictions to a wheelchair bind her from experiencing a “normal” life. However, I see it differently. I believe her limitation works as a catalyst for pushing her to the next level. Never stopping until she reaches her goals and lending a hand to others and making small gestures that can make a huge impact on another’s life. Her personality was magnetic. I couldn’t help but be allured by her charisma when she talked about her passion of making a difference in society. She was intelligent, independent, ambitious, and did not let her disability get in the way of her goals. She was optimistic and never looked at her limitations as a weakness or a fault but a characteristic that provided her with strength.


Ann was a philanthropist and volunteered at local charities for disadvantaged children. Our conversation was sparked by a documentary we both watched on the Discovery Channel. She talked passionately about the deprived children she met and worked with. She stated that one of her goals was to travel to Africa and devote her summer to the underprivileged children. I was amazed at her accomplishments and her aspirations. Despite her limits, it did not keep her from helping others, a trait that stood her out from other individuals. Listening to her talk avidly about her encounters, she gave me new perspective on humanity.


Flying 38,000 feet above the ground and looking over the vast scene before my eyes it gave me a new viewpoint. I became conscious that I was a spec in the vastness of all that I could perceive. A realization hit me that as I was sitting on the plane someone at that moment could be witnessing a miracle, being abused, or experiencing heartache. As I looked out, I was swept away with emotion. Problems with high school, friends, and work were minor compared to other children in the world. Children who wondered if they had food on the table or if they had a place to sleep for the night. My problems were miniscule and ones that I could overcome. Hearing Ann’s experiences I became aware that people are small strands in the mesh of the universe and without one the others will fray. The smallest gestures can help the entire mesh showing the effect of small acts can become greater acts through a universal chain reaction.

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Id say it looks pretty good, Good Story. Just make sure you fix the basics before you turn that in.

Answer 3

I have gone through your essay thoroughly and have sent you an email. Please take a look and let me know if you want me to email you recommended changes (minor). Great essay, by the way!