i love my wife, but one day we had a fight, and out of anger i exchange # with a girl i saw, i had no intest in her, but i was mad, i told her i had an old lady, she asked if she could call, and say hi. we kept in touch it wasn't like we talked alot.my wife answered my phone one day, and it was her, but a that point had told her too stop calling, i never touched her in any kind of way. she told my wife she has known me for 3 years, so she thinks i've been invovled with her as affair, i tried explain we may had met than, but
we would talk every once, and a while. I love my wife, and only my wife, i would have never cheat on her, but she say i did. the girl which i don't talk to any more. told her we never had sex, she did tell her some lies, but i swear to god i never wanted to lose my
family, what can i do to make her c, she is the only woman i want? i know i ****** up, but i never touched her help please
a crying man
2006-09-29 07:11:12 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
OK first of all you have to look at it from her point of view....if you answered her phone and there was a guy on the eother end I am almost positive you would think the same thing she is thinking right now. You will have to regain her trust if she is willing to try to trust you again.
2006-09-29 07:15:40 · answer #1 · answered by Amanda T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Plain and simple most women are insecure anyway, at some point if not monthly so point blank there is nothing you can do it is done and that's the way it is, you shook her world all up, making her question things, you never should have let it go that far and you should have been more of an adult and in control of your anger but now you know that and learned that the hard way you don't need me to tell you that but really what can you do; you told the truth but sometimes it is not going to be convincing enough for her, she will get over it with time. Just remind her of how inconsiderate you were and how sorry you are that it is still an issue and that it even happened in the first place.
If you really care for her the way you say you do then it'll show... She'll have nothing left to do but see your truth... Pamper her in the most loving and creative ways you can... This will help some but time holds the key.
2006-09-29 14:29:43 · answer #2 · answered by sophia_of_light 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see that you got yourself in a real pickle. But here is a little advice that may help. Remind your wife about the fight that you had, and then explain that you know it was wrong but you were angry and just wanted to get back at her so you exchanged #'s with this woman and since then you have ONLY talked and not for long periods of time. Tell your wife that honest you would never do anything to betray her trust,,,,, and look her in the eyes the entire time you are talking to her, let her see that you are telling the truth. Change your phone # immediately and live your life as an open book to your wife everyday all the time. You will get her trust back, but it won't be right away, and she does love you, the door with her is still open, if you remain open, honest, and true to her. Blessed be............. Good luck.
2006-09-29 14:19:59 · answer #3 · answered by shy&gental 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're a victim of circumstances my friend. Also known as guilt by association.
You were angry....I understand that, and I believe you that you did not cheat. I'm sure others here believe you too. Unfortunately you are in a difficult spot, and you have to try and convince your wife that nothing happened.
Have you tried asking this other woman to talk to your wife and explain that you two were not intimate with each other?
Your wife will have to place stock in you as a person. In the kind of person you have been to her for whowever long you've known her, and then use that to draw against this situation now.
Too bad that people all of a sudden think the worst about other people, expecially people they supposedly know, but it happens.
All I can suggest is to keep talking to your wife about it and try and find out what it will take to convince her you didn't cheat. She *should* be a little more understanding than she is....a little more mature. Given the circumstances you'd think she could understand that you were angry, but you didn't cheat....that's the important part.
I wish I had an oron clad solution for you, but I shared with you my thouhgts. I wish you the best of luck tho, I hope it works out for you!!
2006-09-29 14:24:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. Your intentions weren't bad or hurtful, but your actions can EASILY be seen as a violation of the trust you have had with your wife. She wil likely think about everything meaningful you have said to her in the past (did you say "3 years?") and doubt your sincerity. I've been there too.
You need to sincerely apologize to your wife... not for anything you've done, but for what you didn't do... and that's, of course, stopping the fantasy sooner. Don't be defensive or tell her it isn't a big deal. It *IS* a big deal. Granted, it could've been a bigger deal, but it's still a pretty substantial violation. She has every right to doubt your sincerity, but assure her you will spend the rest of your life regaining her trust, if that's waht she needs. Tell her you will change your phone number, let her see your phone records, anything she wants... She hurts because she still loves you, and you probably have one more chance to make it up to her.
I feel for you, man. It's sucks to have to pay the price for something in the past that no longer interests you. But now your wife needs you, even though she's angry.
2006-09-29 14:23:39 · answer #5 · answered by nuff_rope 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my gosh, that is awful, you know now, though, that you shouldn't have done that. Most married women do not understand a platonic relationship between their husband and another woman.
I hope that many men out there are reading your letter right now, and will learn from your mistake not to 'go there'.
However, back to you, the damage is done...... possibly, and hopefully, (at this point, what do you have to loose?) you can go to your 'so called' friend and ask her to tell the truth to your wife. Many women really aren't as bad as the reputation we have for vindictiveness. If you tell your 'former' friend how you feel towards your wife, surely she will understand and write your wife a letter, since probably, she won't listen to a phone converstation. If she has any morals, the woman will contact your wife.
Your wife is very hurt right now, you betrayed her, disloyalty/distrust can very seldom be reversed.
Sometimes we make these awful mistakes that can't be taken back, but sometimes the Lord allows us to mess up, hit rock bottom, so He can help us back up.
If you aren't a believer, I don't know what else to tell you, but if there is a sliver of Godly hope in you, then pray to Him, He will help you get your family back.
this is not some make believe, myth or fairy tale, I have had lots of problems in my life, and there is a God! Please take the time to read each word.
1 Peter 5:6
Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
1 Peter 5:7
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
Ps 37:4
Delight thyself also in the LORD; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart.
Matthew 17:20
And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.
Matthew 11:29
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
2006-09-29 15:30:36 · answer #6 · answered by Donnalah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust is earned back,,,u cant beg her to trust u after u have broken that trust. Even if u didn't have sex, u gave ur wife a lot to think about. You still crossed that line and it hurts just as bad.. it will take time. Be on ur best behavior from this point on and spend the rest of ur life making it up to her. She will learn to trust u again... but it may take some time.
2006-09-29 14:16:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your wife everything. If necessary set up a meeting with the 3 of you. Then if the girl lies, you will be there to tell the truth.
Your wife feels betrayed, you must give her time to learn to trust you again.
2006-09-29 14:21:04 · answer #8 · answered by grrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yea, you did mess up pretty badly. Tell your wife the truth-the whole truth-and beg for her forgiveness. Lose the other woman's number, and never accept calls from her again. Next time when your pissed off, find a punching bag.
2006-09-29 14:14:12 · answer #9 · answered by brainy_blonde 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the 3rd answer you got.
Show her this question that obviously came straight from your hurting heart. and then ask her to let you work on rebuilding her trust.
Let her know how much she means to you, do something for her that she's always wanted you to do , or wanted to do for herself.
go beyond the normal stuff and dig deep for something you know will get thru to her that you mean business because you loved her enough to remember what she used to dream of doing or something like that.
maybe offer to take 2 nights of the week out with her, or home wtih the kids so she can go out with her friends. maybe share more of the housework than you usually do. think of something you know will mean a lot to her and do it for a while, not just once.
show her some commitment to it.
best of luck to you
2006-09-29 14:23:16 · answer #10 · answered by smartkid37138 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋