why do some woman find being sexy such a problem..i tell my wife she's sexy and i get s*** for it?

Question

my wife is still the hotest thing going after 20 years of marriage....but every time i tell her anything along those lines she gets very uncomfortable and downplays it all.....she never dresses hot anymore and thinks getting dressed up and looking good it too much of a drag....question is.....why do some woman have a hard time accepting praise regarding their looks.....i think it's an internal issue with self love.....is it possible they're forgetting the first rule of relationships......you can't love someone else till you love your self.......i'm baffled.......

Answer 1

It's not that she doesn't appreciates the commets. I think she second guess's herself and probably finds it hard to believe that she is attractive. I was like that and it took a year for my boyfriend to get it out of me. It all depends on how she was raised. I know me.... I was tormented by my brother they used to tell me I was ugly an everything and the messed with me I just didn't know it would have that much of and affect on me. Help her see that she is beutiful and hopefully she'll start seeing it herself and maybe she may just start dressing the way you like. Good Luck

Answer 2

Nothing to do with self esteem because they have a mirror and can see what time has done to them and their bodies. You are too close to the source and biased to give a realistic report.

OK look at it this way....from Grade 1 you did doodles (drawings).....your mum said they were great! Grade 7 she still says everything you doodle is great. Year 12...she still says everything you do is great evn though YOU know its crap and not of Da Vinci proportions.

How could your mum remedy this? She couldnt....not without smacking you up the head and telling you everything you ever did was crap and THIS is extra-ordinary...and would you believe her? No.

She, your wife, doesnt wear anything sexy because lovemaking doesnt require clothing....nothing any female wears last more than a few minutes because to get sweaty and nekkid you dont need clothes. You also dont need excess hair removal as the ying into the yang is a feely thing not a looky thing ( to women) and as we age the looky thing isnt getting to get any better.

She may be hot....but she's a longtime partner...and if still a sexmachine she's doing her thing for herself. So quit telling her she should look or feel a certain way...thats YOUR porn creativity. Nice but not real. She's real and she just wants to know your thoughts are with her true self rather than some made up thing in your mind..

Answer 3

Sometimes it is not enough to hear it all the time. Try showing her how in love with her you still are! Give her a reason to dress up by taking her out for dinner at a nice restaurant. Her self esteem is low, and for some women it is hard to fathom that a man can still be attracted to us after so many years! As far as the compliments, how do you tell her? Try changing your words. And, as long as she doesn't spend the day in sweats and a baggy shirt, I am sure she still looks good! I know a lot of women who have gone through this very thing, including myself. Sometimes it is just the day to day grind that does it to us! Maybe a new routine is all she needs!! I think it's great that you still feel that way after 20 years!! Good Luck!

Answer 4

I had and still do have that problem from time to time. I used to weigh over 300lbs. and I recently lost alot of weight, I am now down to 197 and I still have a hard time being sexy in front of my husband. So yes there is an issue of self love, but on the other hand, she may not feel that you praise her enough. Or it could be that she doesn't feel that you give her the same praise you give other woman. I'm not saying that you cheat or disrespect your wife, but there is a difference in the way men look at women in videoes or the woman walking down the street showing her thoungs or etc. Men tend to respond to those women differently than they do their own woman. If you are the type that drools over the younger women showing off everything but her labia, try to show your wife that same attention. If there is a video that you like to watch just to see a woman do a certain dance, just try to show her that same attention.

Answer 5

Somewhere around mid-40s right? Its that " I don't think I'm sexy so there is no way he can and I wish he'd quit lying to me about it. If he is saying that he must want sex....." Want to get a real reaction go in and tell her you used to think she was hot but she is turning into some kind of frumpy haus-frau.
Its a tough battle. The only solution is to repeat the mantra, You look good, You always looked good to me and I wish you'd quit telling me I was wrong. At some point she may start to believe you again. Good Luck

This is a good question though. Why do women tell you you don't compliment or desire them, then tell you they don't believe you when you do ?

Been there.

Answer 6

She is having some serious communication problems stemming from a negative self image. She has lost her passion to be or look sexy for you.

Tease her all during the day, not just when you are in the bedroom. Tell her how important she is to you.

You need 2 people to keep the marriage going. Offer to go to marriage counseling with her to improve your communication. Don't tell her you want to go to improve her self image.

Other husbands, don't fear the age thing when it comes to passion. Just to give you something to look forward to in your wife's midlife- I am more passionate now than when I was first married!

Answer 7

I think some women go up and down this emotional rollercoaster when it comes to their looks. Sometimes its low self esteem, sometimes it is lack of self love as you say. Do something spontaneous perhaps go out and buy her a nice sexy outfit and ask her to wear it, then take her out to dinner and maybe alittle dancing. Something along those lines might create abit of a spark.

Answer 8

Maybe it is lack of self confidence she may have issues with her own self that she dosent believe you when you say these things to her.She nay find it hard to believe that you still think shes hot after 20 years.OR in my case do you ONLY compliment her when your trying to get a piece?She may think the only reason you say these things is because your trying to look good in order to get some action.

Answer 9

If only women had half the esteem that men had, they'd be so much more happier.
Then there's the super woman steriotype that tends to put a damper on self image. And let's face, women's bodies go thru hell over 20 years.
How bout men being allowed to carry and deliver just one child?!

Answer 10

Well, she's either womens lib type, or insecure. The best way to get her out of the shell of either one is to compliment her on whats INSIDE! Not saying that complimenting the outside is bad, but maybe she thinks you only appriciate her looks. Dig deeper. Good luck, us women can really be a challange!