I have been with my forever fiance for 4 and a half years. I have 1 child I was pregnant with when we got together and brought her into the relationship (almost 3), one we had together (20 months) and I am 16 weeks pregnant with #3. Recently we've had many discussions about "us" but he always turns the "us" conversation into a "me" conversation. He thinks our issues is directly related to me. He says I'm not much at all the same person he got together with 4 years ago. He would like me to be more of a person and says I am not a whole person and everything about me is "unresolved." He says I have no fight left in me anymore, which is true because after being with him this long I've realized that nothing I do, say, feel is good enough for him. I'm a quiet and reserved person. He is the opposite. I don't bother talking to him much anymore because he says our conversations are one-sided, him doing all of the talking. True, because I don't want to enter into a confrontation.
2006-09-29 05:23:02 · 8 answers · asked by october g 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I realized last night after denying it for months..maybe years, that I am not in love with him and I don't know if I ever was. I asked him if we can see a relationship counselor and he says no, if you think we have problems you do it on your own because our relationship problems is attributed to me, not him.
He works outside of the home and I stay at home with the kids as well as keep 2 kids during the day. When he gets home he doesn't really want to be bothered, doesn't interact with the kids at all, doesn't do anything at all around the house. His mother and grandmother have told me that he is a jacka$$ and they don't know how I put up with him and that I should have left a long time ago and since I haven't, eventually I'll get tired of him and leave. It's easy to say that, BUT I can't just pick up and leave.
I think my self esteem problems are due to the fact that I feel weighed down in general in the relationship. Do I need to see a professional about things or just deal??
2006-09-29 05:33:22 · update #1
MOVE ON AND MAKE A GOOD LIFE FOR YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN. DON'T SETTLE, LIFE IS TOO SHORT. YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER BROUGHT CHILDREN INTO THIS NON COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP.
2006-09-29 05:28:34 · answer #1 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You deal as many divorced people do....still have and give access to the young ones if its conducive to their development.
You dont love or like him anymore and thats really OK. He's not meeting your needs as he doesnt make you feel good about yourself. Thats what PRE-marriage is all about......in fact you never have to marry anyone unless you really, really want to.
You just have to realise its ok to move on and take those steps....to find a new place to live and support yourself and the children. Its quite likely that he is the one that doesnt want to be settled and you having his kids before a commitment has made him think he is unworthy because he's not...he hasnt done what a real man should, in protecting you and his babies...and now he's doing all he can to blame it upon you.
Some men or people dont understand family or HOW to be settled...they expect constant "me" time or honeymoon period and dont get it when the other is at peace and dont need or want to argue. In fact some men do this intentionally to wear you down, so that you will give up...and now you have.
Just leave him...and tell him its all to do with his atttude not yours. If he wants his family he has to fight his demons and get counselling to help him with the transition of single to couple. But I gather you dont want him to do this because you would rather just move along. If you have no love anymore, why stay...its not for the kids now......fear/laziness perhaps BUT you only have one life...what do you want your kids to see...a mom who takes charge or a mom that puts up? You are your childrens main role model...so do what you would want your children to do in the circumstances.
2006-09-29 13:07:45 · answer #2 · answered by Scully 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you want to stay in a relationship with him? Just how committed to you and your children is he? You're still just engaged, but living together? Well, since he ends up controlling the conversation, you need to take charge, get some backbone, and tell him what YOU want, what YOU need. It takes two to make a marriage work. If you decide you don't want to continue, that it's not worth the effort, then get out of the relationship, and do what's necessary to take care of yourself and your children. Good luck.
2006-09-29 12:33:23 · answer #3 · answered by sassybree1979 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm only guessing, but are you a Libra? If so, you are way too smart and sensitive to be with a Bozo like this. My advice to you is, dump this bum before it's too late. There are men out there that will cherish the very ground you walk on! Don't be fooled thinking he will ever change. He won't! Dump him, and dump him fast!
2006-09-29 12:29:53 · answer #4 · answered by STONE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Walk out & leave! Dont waste any more time with him.Your kids will be fine..just be more attentive to them.You should never settle for less..
Good luck
2006-09-29 12:59:15 · answer #5 · answered by ddko 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur in a very lonely place girl been there myself if u dont love him leave now while ur kids r still small think of them and NEVER stay because u have kids with him
2006-09-29 12:30:10 · answer #6 · answered by sandy k 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you do is take your children and move on with your life someone better will come along
2006-09-29 12:28:49 · answer #7 · answered by wildone 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your a nut i feel sorry for your kids. some people should never have kids and your one of them. do feel very badly for your children. you **** your life up and they have to suffer
2006-09-29 12:38:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋