how can i tell if my boyf loves me an wants me an not his ex. we have a baby who is 19 months old, he tells me he loves me and wants to get a hse for the 3 of us but insists he never gettin married, never takes me anywhere doesnt believe in valentines bdays anniversaries etc. sometimes i feel he would be happier wit his ex i find texts the odd time and she always tryin to ring him most sat nites!!! wat do i do??
2006-09-29 05:00:27 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
i'm in a similar situation, i have a 9 month old baby boy with my man, he doesn't wanna talk about getting married and also doesn't take me anywhere. his mobile phone keeps beeping with txts and i have no idea who they're from and ppl keep ringing him and from the convos i hear he seems very relaxed with this person, like not in a m8 way. i should point out i have issues with his ex and who she was, she bullied me at school, after school me and my man had a brief 2 month relationship then he got with her 4 the next 3 yrs. bout a yr after they split up he found out about the abusive violent relationship i was in and convinced me 2 leave and he'd look after me. we've been together ever since, but he told me she was his first real love and i'm not very confident with anything, not looks or in bed and i automatically assume she was better than me and that he'd rather be with her. i also got told that while he told me he spent the night at his sister's house he was actually at his ex's house.
the easiest way 2 tell if he loves u is 2 talk 2 him, tell him basically what u've said in ur question and see what his response is, and if he gives good answers as 2 y he doesn't wanna get married or take u out. if he gets defensive then usually he'd have something 2 hide.
soz 4 the long answer.
2006-09-29 09:35:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a bit tricky. I would make like the Mitchells on Eastenders and 'ave a word wiv 'im. Not when he's just come in from work or a night out when you are probably both knackered. Can your parents/sister/best friend/godmother/aunty help out with a small amount of babysitting for the one night so you two can properly talk over a nice meal, perhaps? You will probably have to do all the arranging but it's worth a try.
I don't think that he has fully appreciated what a huge life changing experience you have been through. As a mother, you know when your baby first smiled, cut their first tooth, their likes and dislikes, when they took their first steps, how to settle them down at night, their favourite programmes whereas he is just aware of a small person living in the house.
It's no wonder you're feeling a bit insecure if he's receiving texts/phone calls etc. It's a terrible feeling when you've been at home all day with only the baby for company and longing for some adult conversation and all he wants to do is crash when he gets in. I don't know from your question whether you've done this but could you try and get some activity for yourself? Such as mother and toddler group, for example/ I thought, like you probably, 'Oh no, not a load of loser women all talking about their kid like it's the best thing on earth' but I made some lifelong friendships there. We then got into going round each other's houses once a week and talked about much ruder things than babies! We all babysat for one another also.
Local sports centres often have a creche for those wanting to exercise or some have a tots section on weekdays, you know, with inflatables, balls, that kind of thing.Or most areas have these indoor play facilities now that run specific sessions for mums and tots.
It doesn't all have to be about the baby either. What about one Friday/Saturday he babysits whilst you go out with your girlfriends?
Once you start some of these things then I'm sure you'll feel a lot more positive about yourself and if you're not in so much then he will begin to wonder where you are and what you're up to for a change! Some men are just not the romantic kind but it doesn't stop you from sending him cards, flowers etc in the hope that the idea will rub off on him. Or it might be even better to send some to yourself. That WILL get him wondering!
Good luck anyway!
2006-09-29 05:25:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The two of you have a 19 month old means you have been together for a few years so this has been going on for a long time. If he has a child with his ex they are going to have contact forever and that is a fact. If they have no children together then that means they still enjoy each others company. Not a thing you can do about that. What concerns me is the fact he does not believe in celebrating birthdays and special days! This could be because his heart is not with you. You and your child have a birthday and he does not feel like that is an occasion to celebrate says alot right there. I hope you find someone that will rejoice that you were born and will love your child as his own, best of luck.
2006-09-29 05:09:10 · answer #3 · answered by CharKaye 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, from what you said, you've been together over two years. You've had a baby and stayed together which is more than a lot of people do. He tells you he loves you and wants to get a house for you all. He sounds ok. A lot of people don't want to get married - it's so expensive among other things. A lot of people feel the same about Valentine's and anniversaries. Not necessarily a bad thing, maybe just his priorities are different.
Has he cheated on you with his ex? If he has, I'd say cut your losses and leave him. If he has no interest in his ex anymore, I think you're on to a good thing and you're just being paranoid. He sounds like a decent bloke, if a bit unromantic. He obviously wants a future with you and the baby. That's much more than a lot of people have. Don't drive him away with your paranoia.
2006-09-29 05:54:51 · answer #4 · answered by Fifi L'amour 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont think he deserves you; you guys already have a girl and he is still talking to the ex; talk to hima and be serious, he may not like b-days, anniversaries and valentines but he has to make an effort to make U feel loved; if he is not able to do it is because he doesnt love you enough; when U love someone you do anything to make that person happier everyday but if he is w/ U just for having a family, and a person he can have sex for sure whenever he wants to...forget about him, 1st talk to him and tell him how U feel; then if you dont see any changes Leave Him
2006-09-29 05:13:37 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that suggesting getting a house definatly is a positive sign, sometimes people don't really like the idea of marraige becasue they have parents or know people who have split up after marriage and therefore they get scared by it. I think that you should speak to him and say that you would like him to treat you to something on birthdays annivesaries etc. Say that you understand that he might not believe in celebrating those thing but that it would mean a lot to you, he doesn't need to spend lots just make you feel special. With regards to the ex I think it's fair to ask him nicely to finish contact with her explain in a calm manner and ask him if it would bother him if your ex was texting and ringing you. I bet he wouldn't like it. Good luck
2006-09-29 05:27:57 · answer #6 · answered by Frog Girl 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell him how you feel about his relationship with his ex. The whole calling and texting is kind of weird. About the holidays and stuff that's the way guys are. Not all but most. Tell him it's either you and your baby or her... This guy thinks he could get away with being with both of you at the same time. (Loser!)
2006-09-29 05:20:54 · answer #7 · answered by No way! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it was me, i would ask that he stop speaking to her, if they have no kids together there is no reason they should be in constance communication, if they have kids together then that is different.
I would not read anything into the marriage thing, some men are like that, but he had a child with you and that is the biggest comitment you can get.
have a good heart to heart with him, tell him it upset you that she keeps ringing him ( an ex should be just that an ex), start looking for a house togther and enjoy life
2006-09-29 05:05:48 · answer #8 · answered by scoobybird2003 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cheap skate...he just using the DON'T Believe thing as an excuse not to buy you anything...as for the getting married thing well whoopee do that's another expense isn't it ? also he doesn't have to commit does he (divorces can be expensive). The text thing With the X is a bolt hole JUST in case you give him the elbow....I know I would....Tell him he at least buys you something nice for your birthdays and gets a new phone number so his X can not contact him at any stage at all...if he does not do these things for you then I would question his love for you & his child
2006-09-29 05:08:58 · answer #9 · answered by Denise W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he has the opportunity to be with his ex if he wants to be - but has chosen to be with you.
What you need to do is think about how much you want to be with him given the things you've said above. Can you settle down with someone who doesn't take you anywhere, sounds like a miser and never wants to marry you, or do you feel like you deserve better?
2006-09-29 05:06:06 · answer #10 · answered by pomme_blanche_2004 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋