Do you believe that there is a relation to this saying, "If your parents were married, then you'll probably get married." "If you were in a single home, then you won't get married cause you don't know how to act properly in a commited relationship like that." My mother and father were not married and I'm a little worried that because my mother wasn't married, that I won't get married either because I don't know how to treat a man the way he wants to be treated because I didn't have that example growing up. Honestly, am I SUPPOSED to cater to my man (in all aspects) and I KNOW he loves me? Is there really anyhting wrong with that?
2006-09-29 04:39:41 · 25 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Parents are usually your first example of how to treat people. Since your parents were not married to each other, did you have anyone else in your life who was a good example of how to treat other people? A friend's parents, teachers, anyone in church?
When I was little, my parents split up. They had been married for 20+ years by then, so I missed most of their marriage, as I was the surprise baby. They used to argue and fight a lot, usually over one of two things, me or money. Their divorce became final around the time I was 15. I was primarily raised by my mother, even though my dad tried to turn me against her. He had done that with my other siblings, and it had worked with them. Not with me, because I knew better. I didn't have a good example of a good marriage with them, so I turned to other people to see how it's supposed to be. I had examples in church, at school, on TV, in the street, etc.
Long story short, I got married in 1993 to a wonderful man who treats me with respect and dignity (most of the time, lol). We have our ups and downs; we separated once for about 7 months, and I was miserable without him. We made up from that, but have come close to divorcing again, that time for a different reason. Since that time, I've made up my mind not to let my husband go anymore.
I have several great examples of what marriage is supposed to be now. I ask people who have been married for 2 decades or better what they did to stay that way, did they have any problems, how they dealt with them, etc. That's what keeps me going in my marriage, and it helps me to counsel people who have been married for a shorter time than me.
To answer your question, no, I don't believe that just because you are raised by a single parent, you have no chance of getting married yourself. You can learn from that parent's mistakes and don't repeat them. If you want to be happy, you will do what you have to do to be happy.
If you're planning on getting into a serious relationship with someone, don't sabotage yourself by thinking that you have to be perfect. You're not, and neither is anyone else. You are a unique person whose traits and personality will shine through, and will attract the right person when that time comes. You don't have to cater to a person. What you should do is treat the other person in the way you want to be treated. If you catered to the other person all the time, you might get mistreated.
Sorry I talked so long. Just be yourself, love yourself and you'll be fine. Good luck.
2006-09-29 10:01:32 · answer #1 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It makes no difference if your parents are married or not. You are your own person and if marriage is right for you than you will get married.
I am married for 37 years and have 3 children. One child is married with 2 children. Another child was married 3 years and got a divorce a year ago no children. The last child has a son of his own and is still not married or has never lived with the mother of his 7 yr. old.
You see what your parents do has nothing to do with what is right or wrong for you. Just because your mother was never married does not mean that you do not know how to treat a man.
No you are not to cater to your man,but you are to treat him as you want him to treat you. If you want him to show you love than you show him love and so on.
2006-09-29 04:53:49 · answer #2 · answered by missu 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there's any real basis to that quote. I know plenty of people who grew up with unmarried parents who are now married and vice-versa. What does happen in the household where you grew up is that you learn certain things about how the relationship functions, and it will either parlay into your married life or you will see things you didn't approve of and avoid it in your own marriage. As for catering to your man, this is something loving that you can do, as long as he also caters to you. I love nothing more than catering to my man when he's had a bad day or just to cheer him up. It's the constant, honest communication, constructive criticism (and acceptance thereof) and friendship between a man and wife that will allow the relationship to endure and be happy. Don't mistreat each other or expect unrealistic things of each other. You will get married if and when you find the right man, and if you work to keep each other happy, you will be happy forever.
2006-09-29 04:43:48 · answer #3 · answered by nido_tr3s 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No its not true. Anyone can get married and anyone can stay married. Being married is hard and it takes lots of respect, trust and patience.
You sound like you have the perfect husband. It is true that you have to cater to him only there is a limit. Take it from me I am married to my husband for only one year and we only knew each other before that for two years. His parents are divorced and also my parents are divorce. It is natural to feel like what happened to your parents is going to happen to you but you don't make that mistake. Ask your parents what went wrong in their marriage. For my parents my mother never cooked or did the internal house duties. So instead I cook 5 days a week and I clean the house 6 days a week. My husband appreciates everything and at the end of everyday he says Thank You, a word his parents never told each other.
The point is do the opposite of your parents.Have faith in your soon to be marriage and good luck in everything that you do.
2006-09-29 04:50:21 · answer #4 · answered by Gucci S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that is completely false. i came from a single parent household. my mother wasn't married and her mother divorced her father when she was young. i am married now.
doesn't make a difference if your parents are married or whatever. relationships are for exploring one another. you never "know" how to treat someone right off the bat. you get to know a person's likes and dislikes as time goes on. you don't "cater" to a man. you both meet the emotional and physical needs or each other.
2006-09-29 04:47:22 · answer #5 · answered by allkoei 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. I was raised by a single mother and I have been happily marreid for 10 years.
Just because my father choose not to be a part of my life, it didn't make me bitter. All it showed me was how to be a strong woman and do things without the support of another spouse.
Marriage is a partnership. Takes TWO. A life can be complete with ONE - but when you have another to help you through the rough spots - that is all you need.
Let the little stuff slide - never bring up the past and always reach for tomorrow.
Words to live by!
2006-09-29 05:28:34 · answer #6 · answered by WhatNext 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's being married or not have to do with "how to treat a man"? My parents are married and I'm not even sure if they like each other.
I didn't use my parents as my example....well...maybe I did as to "what not to do".
I found a mate that agreed on a partnership. You cater to each other...not one sided. Why should the husband always get his feet rubbed and a nice hot meal. I like that, too.
Decide what you want and do what you want.
2006-09-29 05:08:28 · answer #7 · answered by voandginger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents were not married when I was growing up. I am now married and things couldn't be better. You do not have to cater to your man in a relationship things should be equal although it is nice to be appreciated for the things you do. In my house if I am tired my husband will take it upon himself to do the things that need to be done. If you are worried about issues like that you need to talk to your partener.
2006-09-29 05:02:45 · answer #8 · answered by mom02 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I guess I'm the exception to that rule. My parents were NEVER married and I am going into my fourth year of marriage. I cater to my husband and I actually think it makes our marriage stronger. All of you feminists hate me now, I'm sure. But the key to a happy marriage is to bend for your husband, but to an extent. Don't let him hit you, don't let him tell you what to do. Just do things for him that he doesn't ask you to do. Trust me, it works, I am still happily in love and so is he. Good luck.
2006-09-29 05:23:24 · answer #9 · answered by brandiwhine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats silly, that should have no bearing on whether or not you marry. Its just a thing someone wrote forget about it and put your energy into a successfull relationship and all will be just fine .Im not a married women but i felt compelled to answer because i am a doctor of pyscology who specializes in family and domestic issues
2006-09-29 04:44:40 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋