I feel so lost..?

Question

my husband and i haven't had intercourse lately because i am pregnant and he's afraid it will hurt the baby. he didn't have a problem with it from the beginning to 6 month. i give him hints and touch him playfully everyday, but he still refuse to have sex. i like to sleep alone so i make him sleep on the couch and he understands that, but he likes to sneak back in later when i am asleep and cuddle up with me. okay not having sex for a while is getting to me cause i am still young!! so last night i went to bed naked thinking he would cuddle up again but no he didn't. anyways i caught him masturbating to girls gone wild and it hurt me. i don't know if i should be angry or forget about it. i know it hurts my feelings though that he chose to masturbate to other girls insted of having the real thing with me... right now i just don't know how to get over it. because of his decison i feel that i am not attractive to anymore. any advice?

by the way i have him sleep on the couch for now because i am awake the whole night and need to roll around during this pregnancy. thats why he sneaks in later when i am asleep, letting me get comfortable. and second of all we don't own any porn it was on tv. either he ordered it with satilite or it was just on.

Answer 1

Ummm thats really odd! While I was pregnant that was the best sex me and my husband had becuase well i was already nocked up and no worried. I myself would be pretty pissed if he didnt want to do it with me and then was masterbating to a porn.

Trust me it will NOT hurt the baby!

If you are really depreate make him go to the doctor with you and ask the doctor in front of him.

Answer 2

If he has said he's worried that something could happen with the baby (or the pregnancy) then that pretty much ought to explain it to you. If he's gone the Girls-Gone-Wild route, what's the big deal...

Its kind of pathetic that he goes sneaking back in just to cuddle. I don't get why you say you like to sleep alone and then say its ok if he sneaks in later. There's something confusing about that little arrangement, but you should feel complimented that he'll even bother sneaking back in.

If he's worried about harming the baby its something he has in his head. He may be afraid that if something happens to start early labor or if some other thing goes wrong he'll have to live with it. (Whether or not his worries are well founded is a separate issue.) If he's being grown up enough to do without sex for a few months in order to do what he thinks is right for the baby or maybe you he should be respect for that. Some people wouldn't have that self-control and would just "do whatever" and hope nothing went wrong.

Its understandable that the no-sex thing may be getting to you, but the world is full of people who live without having sex. You mention that you're still young - sure you are; but you'll still be young four months from now too. From what you say, your husband isn't signing off sex forever - just until a little after the baby is born.

I don't know why you'd make up in your head that he doesn't think you're attractive anymore. If he said he doesn't want to hurt the baby just believe it. He may not even really be worried about hurting the baby. Maybe he's just thinking if you or the baby were to get some infection if there has been sex he won't be able to know for sure he didn't cause it. If there is no sex and such a thing happens he will know he is not responsible. He may need to know he'll always have that sureness.

You may not be able to imagine that kind of cautiousness, but its entirely reasonable. When it comes down to it (mean as this may seem) maybe there's also the chance that he isn't someone who finds a third-trimester pregnant person all that attractive. That's kind of got to be ok too. You won't be pregnant forever, and you can't expect someone who may not really find it all that attractive to magically find it attractive.

I think you have to give him a break, respect him for having some reserve at this later time in the pregnancy, and assume its a sign he'll make a good father who will protect his child. Some "horned toads" would disregard you, the baby, the pregnancy, and just worry about getting whatever whenever. Your husband sounds like a decent person. I think you should forget what has gone on.

Answer 3

********UPDATE: Thanks for explaing the couch/porn thing. If he is ordering the show from cabel then I would tell him that really hurts you and makes you feel icky and that you need him to make you his only interest sexually. (I am a firm believer that is the way it should be anyway)

**********Original Post: Why are you making him sleep on the couch? When you send your husband to the couch, you are sending him out into the world, the world of television and "Girls Gone Wild."

Your first mistake is not letting him sleep in your bed, whether he understands your wanting to "sleep alone" or not.

Your second mistake is allowing videos like "Girls Gone Wild" into your home. Of course those videos (Even the commercials) are going to tempt a man to think and do things he shouldn't otherwise be doing.

Your bounderies have not be established and I think it is time to establish them.

You clearly have emotional bounderies that your husband is not aware of. You need to tell him that those things are hurting you and that you really need him/want him to stop.

Apologise for booting him out of the room and learn to go to sleep with your husband. Draw him in again and don't send him out into the world of porn and filth. It will only make you feel dirty, and destroy that something special the two of you are suppose to share as husband and wife.

Answer 4

I have to say, I agree with the other answers, it is okay to be upset with him watching pornography, rather than making you feel special like he should be. You just need to talk to him about it, believe me, he may get standoffish, or he may also get irritated, or angry when you approach this subject, but if you're in a marriage there should be no boundaries as to what you talk about. Another thing, why do you throw him out of your bed? That is soo wrong, you two are married, and half of that bed is his, you have no right to throw him out, if you want to sleep alone, you go sleep on the couch, he shouldn't have to.

Answer 5

Oh, you poor lamb. Some men are scared to touch their pregnant wife, it is a fact, they get all daft ideas about harming the baby etc. Try not to get so upset, i`m sure he still finds you attractive, but the baby thing is getting in the way. Talk to him about how rejected you feel, i`m sure you can work it out, and masturbating over some fantasy is normal, it does not mean he does not love you anymore. Talk to him hun, and good luck, and try not to worry so much.

Answer 6

I completely understand how you feel. I would be upset too if I were you. You have every right to be. I would confront him about it and see what he says. He should still be making you feel sexy even more so now that you are getting bigger. Why masturbate instead of going to get the real thing. It just isn't right! I would sit and have a LONG talk with him.

Answer 7

Okay...I know you must have felt hurt, I would have also, but I guess when you reach a certain stage in pregnancy some men, may not be able to handle it. I mean he did it with you up until 6 months, so its not like he doesn't want you sweetie. Just talk to him about it....and don't worry.

Answer 8

Go online and research sex during pregnancy. With him there...you can look at different positions that will make you both comfortable. Oral sex and manual stimulation is always a good way to go...as long as he does not blow air into you. My hubby went throught his for a little while too but when we looked into it together it did help him get past his concerens. Good luck!

Answer 9

Ya know, it's not all about you. He has his own feelings too. Maybe he is just scared he will hurt the baby (even though us women know that will not happen). I really think you need to just sit him down and talk to him about your concerns. At least you are not going to be second guessing his moves and motives. Good luck, and remember his feelings too.